| My Encounter |
| by Mr Nice Guy |
| It must have been about a year ago. It was just before the Christmas of 99. My dad had just come home from the store and deposited a large amount of oranges in a bowl in the living room. Then he went out again to play some golf at the simulator at his golfclub, so I was all alone with them. At the time, I had no idea they could be dangerous, so I went with my routine as usual and smoked a wee joint. Now this is where things started freaking me out. I got hit by the munchies and went for a juicy orange. I slowly peeled it's skin, noticing right away how ripe it was, this was gonna be tasty. I took apart and inserted a succulent piece into my mouth, it was so juicy and I quickly ate the whole thing. I was still craving more though, and reached out for another, when all of a sudden I realized there were no oranges left in the bowl. Now, I knew I hadn't eaten them all, I couldn't possibly have blocked out during a fit for some serious munchies. I jumped as I heard a sound above me, and almost had a heart attack as I saw an orange leap at me from the bookcase. It was a small knife and a banner saying "We demand the right to bear arms and to arm bears" I rolled sideways off the couch as it plunged its little knife into the leather where I had been sitting. I spun around to see 3 new oranges moving steadily towards me, all carrying small axe-like objects. They started winging them at my toes, obviously trying to disable me from moving too much. Luckily I managed to react quickly and jump over them and flee into the kitchen. I instantly went for the juicer and ran into the bedroom, blocking the door with the dresser. As I sat there, I realized I needed a more mobile weapon as the juicer needed to be plugged in. Using an icepick, some tape, a few figs and an old car battery (all these things happened to be lying in my room), I made an energy source for my now portable assault juicer. I slowly removed the dresser, crept out into the hall, expecting oranges to leap at me from every corner. Nothing happened though, it was quiet as the grave. I quietly made my way to the livingroom, and found the oranges lying peacefully in the bowl again. I knew this had to be a trap of sorts, at least I thought it was. But as I crept closer, they still didn't move. I put the juicer on the table and rapidly hurled them all in, ending up with a pint of fresh orange juice which I chugged down. I finally felt safe. I sat back down and turned on the telly, there was a cooking show of sorts, a guy making duck with oranges. I couldn't watch and just hoped he managed to get through the show safely. I turned the telly off and made myself a poster saying "Dad, Do Not Buy Any More Oranges" and put it up on the front door. We haven't had one in the house since, however, lately the bananas have been acting quite strange...... |
| This encounter with singing oranges was reported on: Saturday, February 3rd, 2001 THANK YOU FOR YOUR REPORT AND WATCH OUT FOR THE BANANAS!!!! |