Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Newbie:
More lists?
Sponsor:
Well, let’s see what the Big Book says......
BB Page 76
Now we need more action, without which we find that "Faith without works is dead." Let's look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.
Newbie:
Oh so I can start with my step 4 list?
Sponsor:
Yes, we can look at all the "my parts" in our step 4, and start to make another list. The Big Book doesn't give us a format, but I think it is reasonable to do a schedule starting with the name of the person harmed and the harm done to that person. And then we can write down the sort of amends we might make.
Newbie:
hmmm - I’m not sure I know what "making amends" really means.
Sponsor:
It talks about that in the Big Book, with some examples, from page 78 to 83. You will see there are various forms of direct amends we can make.
Newbie:
Yes, to give an apology, make restitution, and a public acknowledgement.
Sponsor:
and also making living amends - to do the right thing in the future.
Newbie:
yes I can see that this one could be quite difficult - just to say "I’m Sorry" could be hard enough, but it’s over and done with - but a living amends means having to change how I act!
Sponsor:
One more thing - there may be amends it will be straightforward to make - saying sorry to a friend you see every week for a past deed maybe. But there may be some that are harder and some that don’t seem possible. What works for me is to have against each one a marker that says this one is straightforward - I will do it now, those that are less straightforward, but I can see when I can do them, and those that I cannot see how I would do them - I still have an amends to make to one person, for example, but I do not know their address - even what town they live in - or, come to that, if they are still alive. So I do not see how I will make that amends ever - but I am willing to do so, and that is all that is required. This is what the Big Book says on Page 83:
There may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We don't worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could. Some people cannot be seen - we send them an honest letter. And there may be a valid reason for postponement in some cases. But we don't delay if it can be avoided. We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. As God's people we stand on our feet; we don't crawl before anyone.
Newbie:
Thank you - yes I can see that. And then what do I do?
Sponsor:
Well again, this is just a list we are making at this stage, the next step will be to do the amends - step 9 - but before going into that, I think it is worth talking over your list with someone - your Sponsor would be pleased to be of service there as well:)
Newbie:
Thank you - I will talk to you soon!