Less humorous version “Ned test” makes uncomfortable viewing for working class colleagues.

*N.B. Ned, or non-educated delinquent, is the Glaswegian equivalent of a Chev.

What started out as a tongue in cheek response to workplace banter, soon turned into a quasi-scientific study. The survey was initiated when a questionnaire was forwarded to all office staff (except him) containing 10 questions of a more humorous nature "Are you partial to Buckfast wine?". A simple study of clothing and consumer habits evidently wasn't enough to reveal the high density of Ned tendencies existing within the workplace in question. The in-depth examination asks difficult questions on family and peer group influences, along with gathering essential data on the frequency of scum-bag related habits.

This forced working class workmates to address the most difficult question of all "Am I a ned?". It was clear that answering "yes" to a few of the questions regarding family background did not necessarily lead to deviant behaviour, however, in combination, the picture the questionnaire gave was irrefutable. The obvious aversion to such knowledge was directed back at the creator of the survey, who hardly fulfilled any of the criteria, and was obviously harbouring ulterior motives for the quiz.

1. Do you live in a bought house?

2. Are your parents divorced?
3. Have you or anyone close to you ever avoided council tax?
4. Do you have more than one friend or relative that has been to jail?
5. If so, were they imprisoned unfairly?
6. Do you or your sister/girlfriend have a double barrelled name?
7. Have you more than two friends who have been pregnant before the age of 21?
8. How old was your mother when you were born?
9. Were you older than 21 when you first fathered/mothered a child?
10. Were you born in wedlock?
11. Have you fathered/mothered children out of wedlock?
12. Do you have any half brothers/ half sisters?
13. Have you yourself have children by more than one partner?
14. Do you know any friends or relatives claiming benefit who shouldn’t be?
15. Do you get angry at asylum seekers claiming benefit?
16. Are there more than 3 siblings in your family?
17. Did your parents swear in front of you when you were young?
18. Did your parents get drunk or take drugs in your company when you were young?
19. Did your parents ever buy you alcohol or cigarettes before the legal age?
20. Were you encouraged to eat your meals at the table?
21. Have you ever watched a blue movie with your parents present?
22. Did your parents allow you to watch 18 certificate movies before you were a teenager?
23. Have you bought scratch card in the last 6 months?
24. Do you have any CCJs?
25. Have you used pawnbrokers before?
26. Have you used a conversion centre to cash a pay cheque early?
27. Do you find yourself short at the end of each month?
28. Have you ever been pursued by any debt collectors/ bailiffs?
29. Have you been to a betting shop in the last 2 months?
30. Did you ever drink Sunny D on a regular basis?
31. Were you ever in a "gang" or "crew"?
32. Do you have a power card meter?
33. Do you sometimes call soft drinks "juice" or “ginger” which have no fruit or ginger content whatsoever?
34. How many times per week do you eat chips?
35. Do you eat 5 portions of fruit/vegetables per day?
36. Have/would you purchase alloy wheels for your car?
37. Do you have blonde highlights?
38. Do you have an artificial tan?
39. Do you wear a sovereign ring, or hoop earrings larger than 3cm in diameter?
40. Do you own anything Burberry?
41. Have you ever been to a nail bar? Do you often wear a baseball cap?
42. Do you have a tattoo of a cartoon character, team insignia or symbol in a language which you can't speak?
43. Do you support one of the old firm teams?
44. When you meet someone new, do you find yourself subtly trying to determine what team they support?
45. Do you define yourself as Catholic/Protestant, yet don't go to church or attempt to act in a Christian manner?
46. Do you ever feel uneasy around people who don't drink, smoke or swear?
47. Do you encourage people who don't smoke or drink around you to do so?
48. Do you have more than one friend of a different race or nationality?
49. Can you speak a foreign language beyond "dos cervazas por favor"?
50. Have you ever threatened or "noised someone up"?
51. Have you ever carried a weapon, (includes those “for protection”)?
52. Have your friends ever "noised someone up"?
53. Have you been in a physical fight since high school?
54. Do you use class A drugs for recreational purposes?
55. Have you had underage sex with more than one partner?
56. Have you ever been arrested?
57. More than once?
58. Have you ever sold or paid for any form of sexual gratification?
59. Have you ever written on public property?
60. Have you ever stolen something other than sweets? (This includes “found” items and exaggerated insurance claims.)
61. Have you ever cheated on a partner?
62. Have you ever insulted someone racially?
63. Have you knowing bought stolen goods?
64. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
65. Did your parents beat you regularly as a child?
66. Did your parents ever verbally or physically abuse each other?
67. Were you ever a "player"?
68. Do you think it’s fair to be caught by a speed camera?
69. Are the people you dislike tend to be mostly upper class?
70. Do you consider to police to be, on the whole, fair and just?
71. Do you continue to drink when you aren't in control?
72. Do you think binge drinking could ever be considered a problem?
73. Have you ever said “it’s just the drink talking” to excuse the actions of yourself or a friend?
74. Do you believe in the death penalty for paedophiles?
75. Do burglars only have themselves to blame if they get shot?
76. Would you rather be smarter or richer?
77. Do you aspire to the Beckhams?
78. Have you ever travelled abroad?
79. Anywhere other than Ibiza, Faliraki or Benidorm?
80. When you go abroad, do you eat the local food and drink in local pubs, or stick to traditional cuisine and drink in Irish / English / Scottish themed pubs?
81. Would you rather have a hidden special talent, or be famous?
82. Are you aware of any current worldwide events?
83. Do you read the horoscopes religiously?
84. Have you been to a museum, art gallery or anything remotely to do with culture since leaving school?
85. Do you read newspapers which have rhymes, puns or the use of alliteration in their headlines?
86. Do you follow more than 2 soaps?
87. Have you ever bought a magazine containing articles giving sexual advice to 12 year olds or on customising Vauxhall novas?
88. Do you consider good manners to be important, or unnecessary airs and graces; essentially for snobs?
89. Do you think the correct use of language is important to communicate effectively?
90. Are you obese?
91. Do you notice traits about yourself in Chewing the Fat?
92. Do you have any addictions; smoking/drinking/drugs?
93. Do you drink more than government recommended guidelines?
94. Do you ever chant bigoted, pro-terrorist, or anti-English / anti-German songs at football matches?
95. Ever been in a football related altercation?
96. In the last six months have you taken any steps to educate yourself or develop a skill or hobby?
97. Did you choose the job you are doing?
98. Any career plans?
99. Any plans whatsoever?
100. Do you spell cucumber with a "q"?

and so on......

Unconfirmed report; workmates are working on a retaliatory "are you sum kind o' poofy basturd?" quiz.