Motor sports fan horrified by Drag racing misunderstanding.

Julian was quite surprised that his red blooded colleague, Gareth wanted to go to the drag meet, since all he seemed to talk about was Formula One.

"are they alcohol fuelled?"

"I'd say they are!".

"Run over a standard quarter mile ?"

"I think it's about that far"

However, nothing could match Gareth's surprise when he found out the drag racers were a group of pissed transvestites doing some kind of weird assault course.

Drag racers fuelling up before the first heat.

Complaining woman unhappy to discover absolutely nothing wrong whatsoever with her holiday.

No electrical faults, power cuts. No lack of fire extinguishers. No view of a building site, or all night music from a nearby discothèque playing "Agadoo" until 4am. No welcoming cockroach filthy linen and pubes on the pillowcase. A lack of poor hygiene in the kitchen; no mould in the bathroom, no e-coli on the salad or Ice cream. No food poisoning spoiling the entire 2nd week. A toilet which didn't flood the room when flushed.  A helpful Hotel rep and no reason whatsoever to complain to ABTA, make videotape for watchdog, or demand any kind of financial compensation. How disappointing.

It seems we like to watch people complain on TV, in fact, I'd complain if I saw a lack of complaining guests not ruin an otherwise entertaining holiday program.

Argument for Eugenics strengthened by Jordan and Peter Andre documentary.

Joy division: Andre gives the V sign to the silly tart standing behind him.

A leading Danish psychologist has caused outrage by calling for the state to encourage the selective reproduction of children from intelligent parents and seek to stop less gifted groups having children.

"Intelligence is hereditary," said Prof Helmuth Nyborg, the dean of the Psychology Institute at Aarhus University. "The 15 to 20 per cent of those at the lower levels of society - those who are not able to manage even the simplest tasks and often not their children - should be dissuaded from having children.  "The fact is that they are having more children and the intelligent ones are having fewer." He insisted that such proposals could not be likened to  Nazis extermination policies "Hitler didn't believe in eugenics. He just wanted to exterminate individual groups, and in fact exterminated the most intelligent among them". Prof Nyborg said he was raising the issue because the problem of falling average intelligence needed to be addressed.

"The statistics show that more highly educated women use their time studying and at work before having children, while less educated women have more children," he said. "We could reduce the workload of intelligent women and simply pay the less intelligent not to have kids."

Evolving or devolving: if alive today, Darwin would agree: the survival of the human race is no longer fitness dependant. Rest assured that when the spacecraft (with limited seating) leaves the desolate earth environment for a distant planet...the genes of Pop Idols will not be amongst the passengers. How will society not split into two distinct groups? No longer will the upper classes and under classes be about money or power, but common sense. In the UK, it seems that stupidity is rewarded.

In a situation where less intelligent women tend to breed younger; and less intelligent men tend to have children by several women; the percentage of idiots in the population increases over time. In a country at a time when there are no plagues, famines or major wars, the idiot especially flourishes.

Is there a deficit of talk show guests for Trisha, or a lack of Big Brother contestants? In the future, will we have to genetically engineer fodder for TV?, The DNA of Jade, Helen, tits for brains Jordan and sh*t for brains Paris Hilton mixed with less-than-genius footballing thoroughbreds, such as Rooney and Beckam. Such is the popularity and prevalence of idiots in the States, they've recently re-elected one.

          n : the calculated use of violence (or threat of violence) against civilians in order to attain goals that are political, religious or ideological in nature; this is done through intimidation, coercion or instilling fear.

[syn: act of terrorism, terrorist act]

Many people presume that terrorists were people who struck at military targets in peace-time or civilian targets any time, however, using this definition, just about any participant in this action could be called a terrorist. What was "Shock & Awe," if not an attempt to frighten Iraqis into giving up the fight by a show of unstoppable force? Would the civilians consider themselves to be unaffected, in terms of collateral damage, or brothers, sons and fathers lost in the fight? An attempt to achieve political change based on the ideological notion that freedom is a god given right, and it is their duty to spread their particular brand of freedom to everyone else.

Now that the war is being demonstrated to be illegal; it automatically meets the second definition; not just threatening, but also unlawful. To terrorize makes you a terrorist.

Many families had fled the city of 300,000 to escape air raids before the offensive. The U.S. military said about
150,000 residents had taken refuge outside Falluja; none of whom were terrified any longer (that position has been taken up by those remaining in the city). A 9-year-old boy, was severely injured by US shrapnel and bled to death because his parents couldn't get him to hospital.

An example of what they call "collateral damage" from precision jet bombardment. The governments involved claim they are unable to provide statistics for the civilian casualties being created in Falluja, although somehow they've collated the data for the number of "baddies" and "goodies" killed. 500 insurgents, 18 soldiers, over 200 injured Americans taken to military hospital. Defence Minister Geoff Hoone commented on television (Sunday 14th) "So-called civilian casualties". Apparently it's impossible to count civilians, as insurgents don't wear uniforms. What wasn't mentioned was this conversely means that any figures provided for insurgents killed aren't correct either.  When aid agencies aren't allowed into a place to help or determine the true situation, it suits the authorities and the terrorists both.

All of which begs the question...would the insurgents even be there if the Americans weren't?

Stock market goes crazy: beanie baby market crash
 

Breaking report from our man on Wall street:

"The move from the bear market to bull market was predicable, but the subsequent penguin market was totally unexpected. It's bad enough with the current volatility in the oil markets, with out the beanie baby market reacting like this."

UK weather a lot worse than in Europe.

Not only do we get worse weather than in Europe, we also get worse weather reporting. German weather tells it how it is: % chance of rain in your region, millibars pressure, temperature in Kelvin. Skiing conditions in winter. Meteorological reporting in Italy is also most impressive, split by region, maximum and minimum temperatures, presented by an air force official in full regalia with a pointy stick. Sailing conditions around the coast given quickly and precisely. Facts dispensed by a public information service with military precision.

Here we have TV presenter celebrities, famous for nothing more than being moderately pretty and reading aloud. Take the weather update featured at the end of local Scottish “Jimmy” news. “Hello there!” says the presenteress gleefully every single day. "I’m a girl with a metero…a meterol…err…a degree in weather!" (they’ve just upped the dosage). With her, the weather really has a personality, Fog creeping across, clouds pushing in. In this universe weather systems "trundle". She says "On offer this weekend..."as if we've got a choice. Oh yes, I think I'll have the set summer weather menu for the next 2 weeks please...even through it's November.  Next the silly bint announces "Drizzle accompanied by clouds on the satellite moving south east with sunny spells later then more patchier rain, or perhaps not..." Rain and clouds at the same time, surely you jest? Does anyone actually listen to the words and their context to make sure they make sense? "Let's have a look at the satellite"  Yes, let's...or perhaps should we look at the radar image from the satellite?

 “Clear spells, and with that mist and fog patches..." Clear and foggy? Now you're just being silly. "....mist and fog...you know what that means at this time of year?" No...please tell us.  "Fog."

"a mild 8 degrees Celsius in most places; 12 in brighter parts" How very helpful. Warm where it's bright- cold where it's not.

The prospects of any "bright spells" in weather reporting is bleak; inappropriate, imprecise terms depending on just how scattered the scattered showers are; no percentage chance here, just presume you are going to get wet. Tomorrow’s situation is not a tomorrow’s “picture”. It's obvious she doesn't understand the isobar chart the way she describes weather systems  “nudging in” as if in a queue at the bus stop. Rain doesn't occur in “spits and spots” or “dribs and drabs”. Her voice trembles whilst the ever-so-professional co-presenters off camera try to make her laugh. "Expect some weather later on". Which part of the forecast isn't "weather" and isn't "later on"? At the end of it, you still don’t know what the f#ck the weather is going to be like with. Lucky they've got the map.

“a dreech morning in prospect in the north, but central and highland regions expecting the sun to pop in for a wee cup o’ tea and a scone about lunchtime. Oh, and you'll be pleased to know; the sun has got his hat on “.

Suspicions exist that she bought her degree on the internet...which is a step up from the presenters on the other channel who don't require any qualifications whatsoever! What do you expect from a weather "sponsored" by the CO2 emitting power companies and airlines which help create the delightfully erratic climate which threatens most of mankind in the not so distant future.

Cruise and Travolta take on unbelievable plot.

Once upon a time, 75 million years ago, there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu, who was in charge of all the planets in this part of the galaxy including planet Teegeeack (which you may know as "Earth") . Xenu had a problem; all of the 76 planets he controlled were over-populated with, on average 178 billion people each! He wanted to get rid of all the overpopulation so he had a plan. Xenu took over complete control with the help of renegades to defeat the good people and the Loyal Officers. Then with the help of psychiatrists he called in billions of people for income tax inspections where they were instead given injections to paralyse them. Then they were put into space planes which flew to planet Earth where the paralysed people were stacked around the bases of volcanoes in their hundreds of billions. When they had finished stacking them around then H-bombs were lowered into the volcanoes. Xenu then detonated all the bombs at the same time and everyone was killed.

Since everyone has a soul (or “thetan”) then you have to trick souls into not coming back again. So while the hundreds of billions of souls were being blown around by the nuclear winds he had special electronic traps that caught all the souls in electronic beams (sounds like "Ghostbusters"). After they were captured, the souls were packed into boxes and taken to a few huge cinemas where they were “implanted” by exposing them to special 3D motion pictures that told them what life should be like and many confusing things. such as false pictures which, they were told, were God, Christ and the Devil.

When the films ended and the souls left the cinema these souls started to stick together because since they had all seen the same film they thought they were the same people. They clustered in groups of a few thousand, where they inhabited the few living bodies remaining. The Loyal Officers finally overthrew  Xenu and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and is still alive today.

Did you think this was a film with a crazy plot? John Travolta as Xenu, and Tom Cruise as one of the loyal officers? No...this is one of the hidden secrets of the religion which they happen to belong to. However, the Dianetics centres and; “Churches” of Scientology don't give away such information freely. The full program costs tens of thousands. Pay enough reach secret level OT III and you're given enough information to telepathically evict the body thetans. Those leaving the "church" or revealing it's secrets are routinely threatened with ruination and excommunication. Recently Cruise has said that mental illness is a myth and those taking medication shouldn't.

Luckily, we're too sensible to believe bizarre stuff like that, and have sensible actors like Mel "Passion of Christ" Gibson to help keep a normal perspective on issues like abortion, contraception, gay rights and suchlike.