During the Deployment
Contact with your soldier depends a little bit on the branch of military and location of the deployment. It is very likely that your soldier will have some access to a telephone, unlimited access to letter writing, and limited access to email.
Get a generic email address established before the deployment at a server like yahoo or hotmail that can be accessed from any computer. In fact, it is good to have two established; if one or the other is down you will not lose contact. Have some preaddressed stamped envelopes addressed to home and some to the deployment address. You are both more likely to get mail out if it is ready and easy. Know that, depending on computer security, your email may be read by another person. Avoid saying anything by email that you don't want anyone else to know!
Mail everyday things like the kids homework papers, local newspaper sections, grocery store receipts... things that feel like home. Talk about daily activities in your letters. Avoid problems in your letters that the deployed soldier has no control over and will worry about... a distraught soldier that can't be home does you or the military little use.
Other things that are fun and welcome in care packages: homemade treats (be sure it is nothing that will spoil in two weeks), playing cards, books, videos of primetime TV shows, home videos, magazines, pictures, nerf ball/over-door basket ball hoops. Depending on location and temperature, things like chapstick, warm gloves, good socks, nice razors are also high on request lists. I also mailed out transformers (to convert local power to conform to US appliances), batteries, a portable CD Player, Gameboy (time killers are important!), new running shoes, microwave popcorn, powdered hot chocolate. A box of treats makes for a popular soldier-- send enough to go around!
Confide in a friend. Don't take frustration or stress out on children or others. It's ok to tell the children that you need a rest or quiet time. Be positive, and know that deployments end. Check the days off in a pocket calendar. Keep yourself busy. Plan self-care dates... get your hair done, work out, do whatever relieves tension and makes you happy. Try keeping a journal, making to-do lists, or participating in a support group. Arrange babysitting swaps with a friend so you have time to yourself.
Tell a trusted neighbor that your spouse is away, but don't make it public knowledge. It is unsafe for everyone to know that you are home alone. Know who you can call in an emergency. If you have nobody locally to call on, let the Family Support Group leader know so she can help connect you with another spouse. Also make sure your children do not tell each person that you meet on the street that you have a deployed spouse, and explain who is allowed to know (teachers, close friends).
If you decide to make changes during the deployment (your interior design, your hair, your car, etc.) don't keep it all as a "surprise". It is likely that your soldier will want to come home knowing that things haven't changed too much... it may be overwhelming. If you are doing things different, write about it. Take pictures to send of the new living room arrangement so s/he isn't shocked upon returning.
If possible, save some money during the deployment so you can do something fun as a family when it is all over. It is quite possible that there will be jealousy about experiences that happened during the deployment that weren't shared. Leave something that you can all look forward to together, but plan for it financially during the deployment. It is likely that your spouse will get weeks of block leave sometime soon upon returning, but don't plan it all out... find out whether s/he is going to want to spend that time at home relaxing with the family or to go out of town, and leave some time to play-by-ear and see how things are going
Don't give up. Sometimes it will be challenge. The deployment will show you how strong you can be. Being a supportive military spouse is part of the job. Your spouse would probably rather be home taking care of the kids, doing laundry, changing the oil, and all the other things that are driving you nuts right now, despite the fact you are feeling like it would be easier to go sit in a barrack in some war-torn country. Being a military spouse is one of the toughest jobs in the service.
