After the Deployment

It's hard to imagine experiencing anything but pure joy in knowing that the person that you have been yearning to have back for months on end will be home soon.  Or is it?

Are you ready for reunification?  Did you plan to lose twenty pounds, but instead got a new haircut and put on five pounds?  How will you feel about each other?  Will it be different?  How have your new responsibilities effected how you will get along?  Will you need to reevaluate your relationship?

Your soldier may also be worried... what were you doing while s/he was away?  Now that you know that you can handle everything yourself will you still need him/her?

These are questions that you are likely to ask.  Reunification is an exciting and nervous time.  Know that most people go through this and that you are likely to have a period of readjustment.

Communication is key.  Reunification is a honeymoon that often ends abruptly with the first fight.  Each of you will have an idea in your head about what the honeymoon will be like, but it is likely that it will be two DIFFERENT ideas.  Try not to have too many expectations or plans for the first week or so after the homecoming; talk together about what will happen during that time and you are less likely to be dissapointed.  Avoid making big trips to see other family or going away without the kids... it is time for the family to resettle together.

When your spouse comes home you may be relieved to finally have someone to share everything you have been burdened with.  Or you may have become comfortable with some of the roles that you have taken on and wish to continue with them.  Talk about this- but wait a few days for any heavy topics.  Don't suggest that you were so good at doing everything on your own that you don't need your partner.  Let your spouse know that s/he is needed and loved.

It is likely that your spouse has new support networks, too.  Deployed soldiers often become close when they share rooms in tiny foreign towns for months at a time.  Don't be threatened by your spouse's new friends.  It is likely that you have both changed, and this is part of the readjustment process.

It is likely that your post Chaplin's office has classes on reunification, as difficult readjustments are common.  If reunification is causing conflict in your marriage take advantage of this opportunity.  A therapist can also help you and your spouse work through this period.