Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.
- Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
- Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
- Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
Beauty is only a light switch away.
- Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
- Armand's Pizza, Washington, DC
Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" It's, "Hi, how are you?"
- Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
- The Irish Times, Washington, DC
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
- The Bayou, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
- Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
- Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
- Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona
Make love, not war. Hell, do both! Get married!
- Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana
God is dead. -Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. -God
- The Tombs Restaurant, Washington, DC
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
- Revolution Books, New York, NY
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
- Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas
JESUS SAVES! But wouldn't it be better if he had invested?
- Men's restroom, American University, Washington, DC
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
- Men's restroom, House of Representatives, Washington, DC
Watch out for Gay Limbo Dancers.
- Inside toilet stall door, Men's restroom, Country Club, San Francisco, CA
Express Lane: Five beers or less.
- Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ
You're too good for him.
- Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA
No wonder you always go home alone.
- Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA
