A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers: "I can lick any man in the place!"
The nearest customer looks him up and down, then says: "Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your first time in a gay bar?"
A Southwest Airlines captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?"
She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Mr. Manstel returned home one night to find his wife laying naked in bed. His eyes went wide and he began to strip ... only to stop suddenly when he saw a cigar in the ashtray beside the bed.
"All right," he demanded, "I'll kill you unless you tell me where the cigar came from!"
A muffled voice came from under the bed ... "Havana."
Then there was the couple that got married and were happy about the whole thing. He was happy about the hole, she was happy about the thing.
