| Ryan was our third baby and our second angel. He was what we expected to be a healthy child until his delivery on June 23, 2001. His story started out in the fall of 2000 about 8 months after losing our Jesse we conceived Ryan and was hoping that things were going to be what we wanted a healthy child like our first Jayson. We wanted so much to give Jayson a sibling to play and grow with. My pregnancy was going fine nothing out of the ordinary happening just the usual morning sickness and being uncomfortable. On the morning of the 23rd of June I awoke to my water breaking and called the hospital they said come in and get checked and sure enough my water broke and they preped me for a c-section ( I was scheduled to have a c-section for the 26th but Ryan had better ideas I guess.) We were joking and laughing and looking forward to seeing our baby. I was kidding Tony about it being a boy because I wanted to have a girl (A mothers dream). Then as we made it to the operating room I was scared not of the c-section but the fear of something going wrong was nagging at me. I just thought it was nerves and they got Ryan out and I heard him cry for just a second and they brought him over to meet me and Tony. They wisked him away and I kept saying why isn't he crying and no one said a thing to me until they told me that they had to take him to the NICU. Later in my room after they finally stitched me up(it felt like forever) they came and told me that my baby was very sick he could have heart troubles, lung troubles and they called specialist in Iowa City Childrens Hospital. Meanwhile in the nursery the priest was baptising my baby. I couldn't even attend my childs baptism I felt awful. I wanted to see my baby but the nurses would not let me out of bed it was tooo soon after surgery. They told me that I probly would not see Ryan until he made it to Iowa City and I told them he was not going to Iowa City without me seeing him first. I was put in a wheelchair on my way to the NICU soon after that. They finally diagnosed him to have congential diaphragmatic hernia. Ryans very special doctor Nicole came in helicopter to reciever her little patient. She was very honest with us and told us that he may never make it to Iowa City by helicopter he could die on the trip. I cried and was sent back to my room to rest. Just hours after the delivery of Ryan we both were transported to Iowa City him by helicopter and me by ambulance. When I got there I asked to see Ryan and asked how he was doing the nurses put me directly in a wheelchair and told me he was fine. I never saw soo many tubes and wires and machines in my life and they were hooked up to my little baby, I was sooo very sad but glad that he was doing alright. The next day was a long long day filled with so much information and fear. The wondering what was going to happen next ws killing me. I was in pain physically and mentally ( what a rollercoaster) I visited Ryan as much as I could stand up for. We called every family member and friend we knew to tell them what was happening. Eventually later that evening they were all at the hospital to see our little Ryan and I am sure all were praying he was going to make it. I knew in my heart that chances were very grim. After all the family and friends were seated nearby the doctors came to tell us that there was nothing else they could do for our Ryan. I cried sooo loud that the whole hospital had to hear, but I didn't care. All I wanted at that point was my Jayson to be able to come and meet his brother. A friend brought my Jayson to the hospital and we had the horrible task of telling and trying to explain what was happening to a soon to be 3 year old boy. We told him that momy had the baby it was a baby brother but he is very sick and the doctors can't make him better so he will be going to heaven very soon. We took Jayson into the nursery and he held his baby brother counted his toes and kissed his cheek and said goodbye. Of course he asked a billion questions about the machines and wires. I am so glad he was able to see his brother he talkes about him now and then and it makes me happy to think that he will remember his little brother. Shortly after Jayson left to go home (very early on the 25th)I finally got to hold my Ryan they put him in my arms and he ws so heavy from the fluid they put in him they took his tubes out and I cried and told him I loved him and that it was o.k. to go so he wouldn't be in anymore pain and be hooked up to all those tubes and wires and that I would miss him but I would see him again inheaven. I took my baby out of the nursery and bathed him and dressed him and took his picture in his little outfit. We left the hospital that day and went home to make arrangements to bury my little angel. We burried him on june 28th ( my birthday) he had lots of family and friends to send him on his journey. Jayson gave his little brother some toys to take to heaven, Thomas the tank engine, ( to remember him by) Harold the helicopter, (to remember his first ride, and a John Deere tractor to remember his daddy who makes them. When I was pregnant and wanting a girl made a stuffed rabbit that had embroidered ribbon flowers on it I put that in his coffin too to remember his mommy. Ryan in return gave Jayson a stuffed teddy and he gave me and Tony the joy of knowing that we created a beautiful angel boy that we will always remember. |
