| Jesse's story srts in the fall of 1999. Jesse was not a surprise she was a planned baby and I was very happy to be pregnant. Me and Tony talked about having another child and sure enough we became pregnant in Oct. we were expecting Jesse. 6 weeks into the pregancy we were having troubles I started to spot and went to the doctor he ordered an ultrasound and we saw the tiniest baby. Everything was fine until the day after Thanksgiving when I started to bleed horridly and went to the emergency room. There they said that if I was going to misscarry there was nothing they could do. That was friday evening and on monday I was at the doctors office taking blood tests to see if I did misscarry. I got a call a couple days later and the doctor told me that I did misscarry. I was sooo heartbroken. Days turned int o a month and the doctor called again for a follow up and asks me if I had my cycle and I said no. He schedules another ultrasound and I go the technician is looking and I ask if there is a baby or what and she says ther is a baby and it looks fine. She looks longer and then leaves the room. She went and came back and told me that the doctor wants me to make an appointment to see him. I of course am confused but I leave and make the appointment and can't get in for a couple of days. When I get to the appointment he comes in and says right off that I am pregnant but the baby has some severe problems he describes the problems and I cry uncontollably. He makes me an appointment to see genetic counselors in Iowa city. There goes another week of confusion and fear. We see the counselors and they describe what my baby might have its called anencephaly. We go and have another ultrasound and they verify that Jesse infact does have a birthdefect called anencephaly there is no chance forlife its severe. Jesse only has a face and very little brain. I was sooo very sad and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. They gave us our options: To carry as close to term as I could, have a d&c, or deliver early. The first I just couldn't carry my little baby to term because when doctors tell you your baby is terminal and he/she only has a face no skull no brain all sorts of fears hit you. My baby is swimming around in there damaging itself more and more everyday with no skull. The second I could never do that is a abortion and its going to tear yourbaby into pieces and I wanted my bay whole as much as possible. So I elected to deliver early. I went home and we prepared to deliver a baby at 16 week. We talked and made the appointment and days later we were at the hospital in Iowa City delivering our Jesse. I had a long haul to deliver Jesse it took days just trying to dialate and things were not going well. I had this horrible doctor at times that would come in and tell me it would be best to have d&c and everytime she came into my room I would cry. Then there were doctors who were so very supportive. After 4 days I just couldn't take anymore and they gave me an option that they would put me out and go up and gentally pull Jesse down to get her out. I was sooo tired so and jsut couldn't take anymore so I did that. They put me out for this procedure and when I woke up I aske dif the baby came out all rigth and they said yes. I was sooo relieved that my baby came out and was all in one piece. I saw my Jesse she was soo small she fit in the palm of my hand. We named her Jesse becasue we were never sure of the sex later we were told that more girls have this defect than boys so we have decided that it must have been a girl. We took our Jesse and had a little service for her. Our family and closest friends were there to send our littliest angel on her journey. She is burried at the foot of Tony's grandmother and she is just a little precious moment in our eyes. |
