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| I hate mtv. | |||||||||||||||||
| And the people who love it. | |||||||||||||||||
| I remember the day I thought the world was coming to an end. Mtv had actually commanded its faithful viewers who live their lives according to the channel to destroy all who did not do the same. Anyone with their own opinions and beliefs were to be killed, and anyone with an I.Q. of over 13 was captured and taken to mtv headquarters for reprogramming. The news showed multitudes of people, all fashionably dressed with at least three high priced accessories each, marching down the streets obeying mtv's commands. | |||||||||||||||||
| I knew I would be killed if I was found. I had no time to think. I could already hear the throngs of mtv viewers pounding on doors and inspecting people's rooms. My neighbor was beaten to death for not owning the new Blink 182 cd. The ruthless hordes of mtv viewers even went as far as to stick his head on a pike in his own front yard. Looking out my window, I noticed dissension in the ranks. The styles, and what was "cool" was changing so quickly that even some of the most dedicated mtv viewers couldn't keep up. In the few short minutes I had been watching mtv, the styles had changed drastically. I saw the masses of politically correct, trendy, faithful mtv viewers beating and lynching the people that couldn't keep up with the changing trends. One guy accidentally said "radical" and was brutally beaten for it. Another unlucky lady was wearing clothing that didn't make her look like a whore. The other women, each dressed sluttier than the last, mocked her and spat on her. | |||||||||||||||||
| I knew my time was short, but I couldn't abandon my home. I stayed quiet while my door was pounded on. I knew if I opened the door I would be killed...I didn't have even one picture of Justin timberlake on my wall which was a crime punishable by instant death. I kept low to the ground, quietly watching the tv to see if the end of the riot was near. | |||||||||||||||||
| Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, all hell broke loose...Britney Spears and that other whore tongue kissed Madonna. That drove the crazed mtv viewers into a murderous frenzy. Ugly, untalented women began making out with each other. Sexually aroused, frat boys began to grunt like apes. They started challenging each other for the affection of the ugly wenches by dancing sporadically, and randomly screaming, "I got bling bling". | |||||||||||||||||
| I finally realized "bling bling" was code for "kill anyone who doesn't know what for shizzle means". The crowd broke my door down and captured me. I was violently beaten by rich white kids dressed like gangsters. While they kicked me, they tried to rap about Compton but none of them seemed to know exactly what Compton was. One thug took a break from beating me to sip gin and juice, which he violently spat out and decided to drink Zima instead. As soon as he drank the Zima, his gangster image faded and was replaced by slick, boy band attire, complete with sissy yet intricately groomed facial hair. | |||||||||||||||||
| He then started to dance and lipsync to pussified bitch music that came out of nowhere. Others noticed this and started exchanging malt liquor for Zima. Each sip changed a pseudo gangster into a boy band member/female pop star. | |||||||||||||||||
| The trends had changed again. This was a transitional moment and I knew I could escape if I moved quickly. I zipped through groups of people who were dancing carefully choreographed steps in unison. None of them noticed me and I was able to escape the mtv induced riot that had broken out and forced me to flee from my home. | |||||||||||||||||
| The story isn't over folks... | |||||||||||||||||