WANTED: FEMALE POP STAR

Wanna be somebody? Wanna have hoards of screaming teenyboppers at your disposal?

Want to have your very own CD filled with your hollers and screams and make money off it?

Or what about being able to perform in concerts 24/7 with bizarre costumes like this and get away with it?

Yes? Then sign a contract with us, LaFake Records and you'll be all of this and more!

REQUIREMENTS

- Must be able to sing.
Can't sing? Well, thanks to the power of technology, we'll touch up you're voice when we record your stinkin' album. Performing live? Lip sync! If you don't, you'll sound like crap which is not our damn problem!

- Must be able to dance.
This is essential for the wannabe-pop star because since your voice reeks, you'll have to cover it up with dancing then your gullible fans will be too distracted by your hip-grinding and whatnot, they won't notice how bad you are! Add the pyrotechnics and the fancy get-ups and they'll come back for more!

- Must be below 20.
Twenty and above? Get the hell out of here, people will take you seriously and we don't want that.

- Must have no life.
Because you'll be performing round the clock, non-stop. Ditch your boyfriend, say bye bye to mama and papa and pack your bags and we'll stick your as$ to places you've never been to and never want to be!

- Must have physical beauty.
Ugly as hell? No problem! Thanks to our affliates Clorox Bleach and the Home Depot Paints Department, you'll look so attractive, baboons will have their mating season early! Look at the chart below for guidelines.

Of course, this is all fake. Duh.
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