have been rather tired recently. mentally. and physically.
mentally from the chronic lack of sleep, and of the occasional nightmare.
physically from the lack of fitness, and the ever-growing paunch. and of course the voracious appetite for all things
alcoholic.
I thought I’d
have recovered sufficiently from last year’s debacle, but the reminders that
come in occasionally still manage to bring me pain. of
course, I don’t feel as much pain as in the past anymore. probably
I’m numb.
I was reading
through some of my old entries, and this one caught my eye: www.geocities.com/dejectium/chapter1.html
i
thought back to my previous naiveté, and missed that innocence.
guess I should be a mature adult, turning 22 this year, and able to cope
silently with things adverse that go my way.
yet somehow I don’t feel that ready
yet. I still want to cocoon into the warmth of my family and friends, without
those larger-than-life responsibilities that I have to take up. I want to
remain in the comfort of my best, trusted friends, whom I can confide in
readily, and not share plastic smiles and inane chatter with the recently-made
acquaintances with their faux slangs, nice even though they are.
I miss yihua jiamin zonghe
yijun junyu shuwen emmeline huijun xiuling
I miss lianshi jianye kelvin guangji zhiyuan
I miss yidali hexian and the
neighbourhood soccer guys
I want to
regress, back to those halcyon days of youth. where
nothing matters. where one took responsibility for his
own actions, nothing else. just concentrate on
homework and soccer, soccer and homework. and
sometimes girl classmates.
homework and soccer, soccer and homework.
and sometimes girl classmates.
but that’s impossible.
dejectium out
15 march 2004
2301 hrs gmt +8