NC-17.
**Gypsy, sitting looking pretty,
A broken rose and laughing eyes.
You�re a mystery, always running wild,
Like a child without a home.**
Isn�t it funny how even when surrounded by the person you love, you can feel completely alone and lost. That�s sort of how I began to feel as the limo drove deeper and deeper into the Canadian forest. Angelus held me tight, not saying a word as we drove further and further away from all sense of reality. I wanted to say something. I wanted to protest where we were going. But I felt so hopelessly lost. Angelus was the only thing I knew and trusted.
My parents didn�t know me. No one did. Willow had known more about me than anyone else, but after receiving her plea for help, I knew that she was gone. Inside, I was mourning the loss of my life, my friends, and my past. But outwardly, I was acting the role that Angelus wanted.
I was happy.
My heart was broken for the loss of the life I had thought gave me complete satisfaction. Yet at the same time, the idea of being hidden away from the world with Angelus, healed my wounds and made me smile. I wanted eternity in his arms. But at what cost would that come? I knew the answer. I�d always be hidden from the world. I would be forced to live in the dark recesses of existence, as Angelus had survived for many years.
Many decades.
**You�re always searching, searching for a feeling,
but it�s easy come and easy go.
I�m sorry but it�s true, you�re bringing on the heartache,
Taking all the best of me.**
I stopped my thoughts as the limo pulled into a long, gated driveway. The last of my hope for family left at that moment. I was home now. Everything else about my world-or what had once been my world-was a mystery to me. All I had left now, was Angelus and all the love he could ever provide me. Thought that would surely be enough for me and the rest of my life. The rest of my eternity.
The mansion that the limo stopped in front of, was a stone home of loneliness. With one look at it, I knew that this would be where what was left of my innocence-would be torn away. I was about to lose what was left of me. I was about to become something else.
Someone else.
No longer would I be an individual. I would be a part of Angelus, as he would be a part of me. I wouldn�t be thought of as Buffy Summers. I�d be thought of as Angelus� mate. His equal. His other half.
And though the rest of my world was crumbling�I was excited about that idea. I wanted that title. Angelus� other half. It made sense to me. It sounded honest. It sounded true. It sounded like my destiny.
**Oh can�t you see, you got the best of me, oh can�t you see.
You�re bringing on the heart break. Bringing on the heart ache.
You�re bringing on the heart break. Bringing on the heart ache.
Can�t you see?**
I know these thoughts probably confuse you. I mean, one second I�m sad about being taken away from everything I love. And the next, I�m glad about it because it means I get to be with Angelus-who I love more than anything. But let me just say, that as confusing as they are to you�They confuse me more. I have no true direction for my thoughts, rather than the ones that Angelus provides me with. And even those thoughts don�t give me direction. I�m simply following him right now. That�s all I can do at this point, because what I thought was my direction�isn�t my fate at all.
Getting out of the limo on Angelus� arm, was a blur to me. He guided me into the large, cold, stone home. Smiling down at me, he whispered into my ear, �do you want an eternity of me, my love?�
I knew he�d lost his mind. I knew he�d never had one to begin with. But I didn�t care. He was as blind for passion and love as I was. Together, we were senselessly walking into an eternity of love and passion. But at least I knew we would be together�Forever.
**You�re such a secret, misty-eyed and shady,
Baby how you hold the key.
Oh you�re like a candle, your flame is slowly fading,
Burning out and burning me.**
I answered him solemnly, barely able to hear anything besides the words he spoke to me. Everything was blurred as my past crumbled to dust, and my heart unfolded to the Dark Beauty next to me. �Yes,� I whispered. �I do.�
�Come with me, love,� he said, guiding me from the room with an air of success rolling off of his every step and motion. I knew what was coming now. He was claiming me. He was changing me. He was turning me.
He was bringing me into his darkness. He was making it OUR darkness. And I didn�t care. I wanted it. I wanted him. I want him with all that I am, and all that I am about to become under his hands, and his directions. My heart races as I think of the exquisite ways in which he�s about to touch me. I probably shouldn�t be so happy about this. I should be fearing death. But I welcome it with a helpless passion that tells me that death, now, is the only way.
**Oh can�t you see? Just trying to say to you,
You�re bringing on the heartache.
Taking all the best of me, oh can�t you see?
You got the best of me, oh can�t you see?**
Angelus guided me into a dark bedroom. It had very little decoration. It was all dark. It was all red. Blood red. The main point of the room, was the large, mahogany bed in the center of the room, with a blood red duvet and pillows, and a blood red canopy draped all around it. Angelus lifted me into his arms, and took me to the bed. Without a word, he laid me down.
He gazed down at me, and took a breath of unneeded air. �I love you,� he whispered, and then leaned down to kiss me. His lips were like daggers, and I felt my lower lip tear, providing me with a taste of my coppery sweet blood. Angelus pulled his head back and looked down at me. Seeing the drop of blood on my lip, he pressed his fingertip to my lip, and raised his finger to his lips to taste my blood.
Kissing me again, this time deeper, I suddenly felt a presence on my closed eyelid. I frowned, trying to squint it away without opening my eyes.
When the kiss finally ended, I gazed up into Angelus� face, and noticed that my vision was red. Tears of blood were staining his eyes, and one of his dark tear drops had fallen into my own eye. �You�re the only thing I�ve ever wanted,� he whispered softly. �But if you tell me now, that you don�t want me�I�ll let you leave. But if you tell me that, you�ll have to perform one task before you go�Kill me.�
I shook my head in response. �Take me, Angelus,� I whispered, pronouncing his name in a way that I knew no one else ever pronounced it. When I heard other people speak his name, they spoke it as if it were two separate words. �An-jealous.� It sounded like jealousy. And perhaps those people were jealous of him. Of his beauty. Of his grace. Of his darkness. But when I spoke his name, it was one word. One sweet, undeniably perfect word that summarized every ounce of the love I felt for him. It was like a prayer. A chant of faithful pledging.
**You�re bringing on the heart break, bringing on the heart ache.
You�re bringing on the heart break, bringing on the heart ache.
Can�t you see? Can�t you see?**
�Are you sure?� he quested, his dark eyes searching my own and making him look more vulnerable then he had the strength to look. I nodded softly, and pulled him down to kiss him once more. I wouldn�t have this heat to send to him soon, so I had to feel his cold lips warm under my own just once more. I had to know just once more, that I was making him warm�though he made me cold.
Clothing was gone in a matter of seconds. I don�t know how we got undressed so quickly, but one second I was kissing him tenderly, feeling his lips warm despite their lack of temperature. And the next, Angelus was sliding his desire into me, boiling me in a way that only he, knew how to warm me. �I just have to feel the heat,� he whispered into my ear in a wet voice of seduction. �I have to feel the heat just once more. Just one more time before I bring you to the cold to me�To the darkness.�
�I�m ready,� I told him as I lifted my legs to wrap around his waist. �I�m ready�I love you.�
He smiled softly at me. �I know.� And that was all there was left for us to say. As he drove into me, sliding in and out of my heat and burning me to the core, I couldn�t find the words to speak anymore�I couldn�t find the strength. I held tightly to him as he completed me. I had nothing else to hold on to, except him. He was my life line. My connection to reality�As blurred and surreal as it may be.
**You got the best of me, oh can�t you see?
You got the best of me, oh can�t you see?**
I felt my grip loosening. So Angelus held tighter to me, making sure that I stayed with him. He knew how far gone I was, and how close I was to losing my mind completely. He knew my soul was fading in its own way, though inside it was still thriving and conquering with the love that he felt for me.
My climax was approaching, and I wanted him there with me, so I pulled him in further with each thrust of his hips. I could hear him panting despite the fact that he didn�t need to breathe. I felt him inwardly crying at the selfish act that he thought he was performing by claiming me as his own, and taking me away from the rest of the world. But I couldn�t ease his cries. He was too lost in his self-deception, to see the truth about how meant to be we really were.
It was at this moment, that I felt inner completion. My muscles began to contract as pleasure swept through my body, mind, and soul. I let out a breathless scream. A silent shriek. The only person who could hear it, was Angelus. We were all alone in our little paradise of passion and desire. I squeezed tightly to Angelus, forcing out his own eclipse of pleasure.
**You�re bringing on the heart break, bringing on the heart ache.**
He vamped-out then. His beautiful face changing into the one of his darker beauty. His other half. It was somehow, just as beautiful as his true form. Or perhaps, it was so beautiful because this was the base of him. This was what he was without his mask. His mask of equal beauty.
His mask of darkness.
He continued to draw deeper inside of me, never slowing as he leaned down to lick over the vein in my neck. �Forever,� he whispered into my skin in a barely audible whisper that the average person would not have understood if they�d had the strength to strain their ears to hear it.
And I felt the first touch of his fangs to my skin, piercing through with razor-sharp ease. He paused as he entered my skin, and took a moment to allow me to adjust. I knew he was thinking the same thing as I was. I wanted to savor this act of completion, so that I remembered it clearly in five hundred years. I was thankful that he gave me a chance to gather myself before I whispered for him to go on.
**You�re bringing on the heart break, bringing on the heart ache.**
As he took the first taste of me, I screamed out as pleasure wracked my already-strung-out nerves. I began chanting his name as he drew from me, taking all that he could. He was taking shallow sips; taking his own sweet time. I was thankful for this chance to connect. It made this act of love and commitment so much more exquisite. Who would have thought that I would ever see death and rebirth as the most incredibly beautiful act in the world?
I never thought I�d see the day�And from now on�I won�t.
**You�re bringing on the heart break, bringing on the heart ache.**
My eyes wanted to shut. I was losing my consciousness. It was then, that Angelus stopped. He reverted to his human visage, and gazed down at me; watching as my last drops of life remained. I wanted to panic then. Wasn�t he going to turn me? Wasn�t he going to return the blood that he had taken?
If he was�why was he taking so long?
�I love you,� he whispered. �But how can I bring you to this death of life? How can I be so cruel to you? You deserve heaven. You deserve ecstasy. As much as you believe that I can give you that�I don�t know if I can. I should just let you go in peace now, knowing that I�ve loved you enough to let you go and live the rest of my darkness alone.�
Inside, I was screaming, though I didn�t have the strength to actually make a sound. My eyes were blinking more and more. I was fighting for my consciousness as I watched Angelus� eyes flicker with conflicting emotions and decisions. And from nowhere, I found a strength I hadn�t possessed ever before. It was my determination to love him. I bit down on my life, drawing more blood. I made sure there was a small amount, and then I licked it off my lip.
Oh God, please help him to understand that this is what I want! I want my eternity with his darkness! Don�t let him let me go!
**You�re bringing on the heart break, bringing on the heart ache.**
And then it happened. His wrist appeared over my lips, and he began to cry. �I�m sorry,� he apologized. �I just can�t let you go. I can�t.� He shut his eyes to attempt to stop the tears. Doesn�t he realize how urgent this is getting? My heart is beating just once, every ten seconds. Why can�t he just save me?
And then I tasted it. His free hand slit open his wrist, and I tasted his blood. I opened my lips for him to pour it down my throat. I didn�t have the strength left in me to remain conscious and drink down his essence.
I was done. I was finished. I was dead.
**You�re bringing on the heart break.**
But I was reborn.
**