The soul is a difficult thing to understand. Sometimes you give it to someone. Sometimes it�s taken. Upon death, it leaves your body. But where does it go? What does it do? Does someone get it and re-use it like a plastic bag from a department store? Or does it go into a vault in the skies, and wait for judgement.
If there was ever a book that totally explained it, I can guarantee that most people wouldn�t even buy it, because honestly�Who could understand the soul enough to write a book about it? So why read something that has no truth at all?
In all honesty, I didn�t know why I still had my soul. I opened my eyes and discovered that I still gave a damn about the world�but I had no clue as to why. Why did I still have a conscience? This wasn�t right. Angelus had told me that for most vampires, it�s over for my soul. That was the way it was for him in a way. His had been retained for some reason, but he had learned to bury it deep beneath the consciousness of his reality and his mind.
**You�re always searching, searching for a feeling,
But it�s easy come and easy go**
There was that song again. I opened my eyes fully, and discovered the world was not as I had left it. Everything was so beautiful. So full of life. But looking down at my body, I discovered that I was not as I remembered. My skin was ivory. My fingernails were blood-red, as if painted that way for eternity. And my hair�My beautiful, blonde locks�Were black. Deep, deadly black. I pulled my hair into my full view, and examined it. Was it wash off color that someone had put in as a prank? No. It was permanent. It was natural.
It was death.
**You�re like a candle, your flame is slowly burning,
burning out and burning me**
I looked all around me for an answer. A reason. I was in a black room. Everything was black. From the sheets, to the carpet. From the bed spread, to the walls, to the ceiling, to the lace, see-through canopy curtains that hung all around the gigantic bed I had been placed on.
I was dressed in black. A pair of tight, black pants, and a tight black shirt with long, bell sleeves and a low-cut top that exposed the top of the breasts that had seemed to have grown substantially while I slept�or died.
Memories flashed back to me in a row. All of them. My mind was whirling with what had happened. Angelus. He had turned me. But where was he now? Had he left me here all alone to fend for myself? Had he decided I wasn�t worthy, and simply run away and left me to die without a friend in the world?
�No, I�m here,� came that deeply passionate voice that I�d missed so much while I slept my Sleep of Death. He came out of the shadows, and I sat up quickly to look closely at him. �I could never leave,� he said, stopped at the foot of the huge bed, still outside the black curtains.
�What�s happened to me?� I asked in a low voice. �My�� I looked down at my hands and then back to Angelus. �Everything is so changed. My hair�My hands��
�It was the same for me,� he said in a lowered tone, as if remembering a time he had tried hard to forget. �I had brown hair. I woke with black. I had been tanned. I woke pale. I hadn�t had the muscle that you see I have now. Your body has changed in its own ways, to adapt to the life of seduction that a vampire leads. You are the picture of black perfection. Beauty in all its total darkness. The most incredible creature I�ve ever laid my eyes upon.�
If I could, I might have blushed at his words. But I was cold. My temperature didn�t rise. Blood did not rush to my cheeks. As I was now though, I remained pale and cold.
�H-how long have I been sleeping?� I asked softly, averting my eyes from his intense stare to look up at the ceiling of the canopy bed, acting as if I hadn�t been looking at it for the past five minutes, and that I had no idea as to exactly what it looked like.
�Twenty-three hours. It takes most vampires twenty-five to wake, so you can imagine my shock at the thought that you�re awake now. If I�d known you�d be early, I would have been by your side when you awoke. As it is, I only left you for the short time to change my clothing. Other then that, I have been here,� he gestured to a chair next to me outside the curtains. I could picture Angelus sitting in it, that brooding look on his face as he watched me slowly die.
�Why did I awaken early?� I asked, confusion marring my mind and my face. �Is that normal?�
�No,� he said, confusion mastering his eyes as well. �But I suspected that due to the fact that my nature is so different from other vampires, that yours as well would be.�
�What about the others that you have turned? How long did they take?� I asked, simply assuming that I was not the first that he had brought over to the night.
�There have been no others,� he surprised me with his solemn answer.
�What do you mean �there have been no others�?� I asked. �You�ve been around for over two centuries, and you�ve never done this before? You�ve never turned somebody?� When he said nothing, I got his simple answer of �no�. I took a moment to think about it, and then I asked, �why?�
�I�ve never so desired a companion of love, as to turn someone to the darkness that I know. I�ve never risked a mortal�s life to accompany my own. I can�t believe, even now, that I have,� he looked down as if deeply ashamed of what he�d done.
�Angel?� my voice broke as I threatened to cry. I swallowed the hard lump in my throat. He looked up to me and began to walk around to the side of the bed next to me. When all that stood between us was the veil, I asked in a quiet voice, �do you regret making me?�
�Buffy, no,� he looked at me as if bewildered that I would even find a way to consider that as a possibility. �Not for a moment.�
I began to cry then. A single tear fell from my eye, and began to roll its way down my cheek. I shut my eyes to calm myself and when I opened them again, the veil had been lifted and Angelus stood up to me, his fingers lifting my chin so that he could gaze into my eyes. The bed was so high that the top of it reached just past his hips. This held my face conveniently at the height of his own.
Keeping my eyes focused on him to keep from crying any more, I took a deep, now-unneeded breath to steady what had once been the racing of my heart. He slowly, tenderly, reached a finger to m cheek and wiped away my tear. Then he showed me his fingers. Instead of the salty, clear liquid of my tear, on his finger was blood. I was crying tears of blood.
�Angel?� I asked, looking from his fingers to his eyes once again. But there was nothing else to be said as he dove down and captured my lips with his own for a passionate kiss. I noticed the differences in our kiss now. The nerves in my lips were no longer stimulated by just the touch of his lips to my own. But I still felt as alive as I always had when he kissed me. It was as if all the blood in my body, rushed to the one part of me that was being stimulated. The kiss was a rush in its own, and I felt dizzy as his tongue swept into my mouth to caress my own.
Breaking away finally, Angelus gazed down at me with his deep, searching eyes. �I want to show you something.� Stepping back a step and offering his hand, he waited for me to gather myself.
Finally I accepted his hand and slid to the side of the bed and off. It was incredible. I stepped onto the floor, and I could feel the earth humming beneath me like never before. I could feel life all over the world. The universe. It was every where in all its veracious glory; seeping through the floor boards and into my veins. I looked to Angelus for answers, and he said, �it�s like that at first. Life all around you. In everything. It will fade slightly over the next few days. Then you�ll be able to control it. Tune it in and use it when you need it.�
�What would I need it for?� I asked, confused.
Solemnly, as if it was nothing at all, he said, �to find the living.� He paused for a moment, and then gripped my hand tighter in his own larger palm. �Come�There�s something else I want you to see,� and with that, he led me from the room.
Every step was bittersweet. I could feel life. I could feel passion. But at the same time, I could feel death�sorrow�despair. I wished that Angelus would carry me to what he wanted me to see. But instead, he forced me to walk it through. He held my hand; stood besides me-but made me learn.
We arrived at a solid oak door that looked solid enough to stop an army. Angelus looked down at me, �it�s daytime,� he said simply, and pushed open the door to guide me into the room. All around the room were blood-red, velvet drapes made of the thickest material I�d ever seen. �Behind these curtains�it�s all glass. This side of the house has the most sun exposure of the day time.�
�So why are we here?� I asked. �Won�t the sunlight kill me?�
He said nothing. Stepping away from me, he walked casually over to the side of the room, to stand next to a hanging rope with gold tassels. I suddenly understood what was going on.
�Angelus�� I whispered, beginning to back up in fear.
His actions were so quick that my only reaction was to cover my face with my arms as he yanked the cord, and every single drape fell to the floor. I screamed with all of the air in my dead lungs, waiting for the pain of burning to arrive�but it never came. Slowly, I lowered my hands from my eyes, and opened them to see what had happened. Angelus was standing next to me, looking out at the world that should have been sunny. It was day time for sure�but the sky was black.
The sky�was black.
Black as I had never seen in any thunderstorm or night sky. The world had an odd glow about it that showed how it should have been bright, but the sun didn�t seem to be getting through the blackness that covered the horizon. �I-I don�t understand,� I whispered in a trembling voice, still afraid that at any second now, I would burst into flames and be dead.
�Through my years I�ve read many prophecies, Buffy. I�ve shared many of them with you. But�one in particular always stood out to me. I just never understood why. Until I saw this,� Angelus motioned to the world outside of us.
�What was the prophecy?� I asked, my voice still low. I found it difficult to take my eyes off of the sight before me. After all, it might be the last time that I get to look at the world with a glow such as this, without bursting into flames.
�The prophecy was Celtic. I believe it went something like��The Dark Prince-alone no more, having found his Princess of Purity�will look upon his world with a new vision. And the skies will darken to night during day. And the heavens will cry with fire. From the Chaos that shall reign, a Truth shall be born�and it will be eternal.�� He spoke with a deep tone that didn�t reassure me at all.
�So it�s gonna rain fire?� I asked, my confusion evident in my tone as well as my features.
Angelus chuckled softly. �That we have yet to see�But this is oddly similar, don�t you think?�
I didn�t respond as I looked into his smile-tickled features. Usually so dark and deep, they looked so different when he smiled or laughed. It dawned on me that this was one of the few times that I had ever seen him look calm�like he wasn�t waiting for me to run from him, shrieking in horror. �This is it for us, right?� I asked, stepping up to him and reaching a hand to the side of his face. �It�s always going to be like this?�
�Forever,� he pulled my hips to his own, and leaned down to kiss me; holding eye-contact with me the entire time. His lips were tenderly firm against my own. Finally I closed my eyes, focusing in on the feeling of his lips, and the passion that he found a way to convey into my cold skin.
This is the kind of love that can kill you. You know? That�s what�s happened here. I�ve loved him enough to die for him�and let him be the one to make that happen. I�ve loved him enough to let him kill me. If you�d asked me a month ago, I would have told you this type of love was crazy. Something I would never want, and never stand for if it happened to me. I would have left something like this�of course, that was before I knew how it could feel coursing through my veins. Even now, in death.
**Long lost words whisper slowly, to me,
still can�t find what keeps me here**
I held up my arms, keeping my lips firmly captured by Angelus� as he slid my top up and off of me. Tossing it away, and immediately re-capturing my kiss. His hands slid up to my face, my black hair getting tangled around his fingers as he slid his fingers over my scalp, smoothing his thumbs over my temples.
We stopped kissing for a split second. I look up into his eyes, and it was as if time froze. I could only see him. How much I wanted him. No amount of time with him-even eternity-would ever be enough. I knew that now.
**When all this time I�ve been so hollow, inside,
I know you�re still there**
�What color are my eyes?� I whispered, wondering what he was looking at as he gazed down at me with that passionately intense stare. He didn�t answer for a moment, opting instead to kiss me for a moment. A soft, lingering kiss that shot sparks through my mind, and made my heart jump for just a moment.
�The color of rain,� he answered, his eyes shut as we parted our lips from one another. Opening them again, he whispered, �rain.�
**Watching me, wanting me, I can feel you pull me down,
Feeling you, loving you, I won�t let you pull me down**
Erupting into a floor of passion, clothing was gone in a matter of seconds. I shrieked breathlessly as Angelus lifted me into the air. My legs wrapped around him, and as I pulled my hips flush against his own, he slid into me in a simple thrust.
He carried me to the nearest solid wall, and pressed me roughly against it. If as a human I had acknowledge pain and disliked it, now as a vampire I barely noticed it�but what I noticed, I discovered I liked. It sent an adrenaline rush through my veins like nothing else had ever done before.
**Haunting you, I can smell you, alive,
your heart pounding in my head**
We flew gracefully into our own rhythm of desire. Angelus� eyes were layered with darkness again. But he smirked softly at me as his left hand cupped the side of my head to hold my face still for his lips to attack my own. I found myself compelled to bite on his lips. Drawing blood, I sucked it into my mouth greedily. Loving the sweet, coppery taste that stung my tongue with each drop.
He growled at my actions, angling my hips to reach just a little bit further with each and every stroke. I found myself so close to the edge.
To ecstasy.
**Watching me, wanting me, I can feel you pull me down,
Saving me, raping me, watching me**
I squeezed my inner muscles around him, and he groaned loudly. With all the power I possessed, I reached my hands to the wall behind me, and pushed off. Angelus lost his balance, and fell to the floor just as I�d wanted him too. Straddling his hips, I rode him firmly my mind glazed with the passion and intensity of the moment.
It came so fast, but seemed to last forever. My orgasm swept through my veins and crashed through my body like no other. I shut my eyes and dropped my head backwards, shrieking out. Heat exploded from the very core of me, and it seemed to be all around me. Everything was so hot. How can it be hot? I wondered. But I didn�t have to wonder much longer. Soon, I would know why it felt so hot�
**Watching me, wanting me, I can feel you pull me down,
Feeling you, loving you, I won�t let you pull me down**
~~
I wandered through the darkened castle slowly, looking over everything and exploring my new surroundings. I found my way back to the room of glass that Angelus and I had been in just hours before, watching the world that should have been lit with sunlight. We had worked our way through several rooms and hallways, making passionate, intense love at every turn.
I opened the door and gasped at what I saw. The sky was filled with fire.
**
I woke slowly, taking my time to reach into my conscious mind and explore recent events and memories to see if it was worth opening my eyes to great the day. I remembered Buffy, and I realized it was most certainly worth it. And upon blinking my eyelids open, I was faced with beauty and perfection defined.
Buffy, sitting next to me in a black, silk kimono; looking like a dream. She was watching me with a smile on her face, letting me know that she had indeed been spying on me while I slept. �Hey sleepy head,� she smiled. �How are you feeling today?�
I smiled softly, �I�m great.� When she made no move to come closer or give me a kiss, I asked, �am I to understand that you�re not happy to see me wake up?� I found myself feeling oddly playful.
She smiled coyly and raised her extremely-short, silk outfit up so that she could swing one leg over my hips so that she straddled me. Walking her fingers up and down my chest, she smiled softly. Leaning down to kiss me teasingly, I felt the start of my desire for her. In all honesty, I could be anywhere in the world with Buffy, and still want her. She could make me hard with a look, a touch, a whisper...A sensual caress...Like the one she was giving my ab muscles now.
I groaned when she broke the kiss, but smiled again when her fingers slid down to stroke me through my black silk boxers. �I�m very happy that you�ve woken up,� she answered my question from before. �Now, perhaps I can persuade you to wake up...A bit more?� as she spoke, she lowered her lips to my bare chest and licked around my left nipple.
I chuckled softly, �I�m already up, baby.�
Grabbing me firmly, she smiled, �I can tell.�
This had to be a dream. No reality could be this good. The concept of waking up to the woman of my dreams, wanting me-no! craving me, made me highly suspicious as to whether or not I was anywhere near the normal level of consciousness required to be considered �awake�.
But as she slipped off my boxers, I realized that I was certainly not dreaming. Finally unable to keep from touching her, I sat up. As she kneeled up and straddled my waist once more, I found that her breasts were at the perfect height for me at the moment. In a quick motion, I undid the sash of her useless robe, and it dropped down around her arms; revealing her perfect breasts.
I smiled and leaned in to capture one pert nipple in my mouth. She gasped and pulled my head closer, reveling in the new feelings I sent through her. Just like that, I found myself harder than ever. She could get to me so easily. I�d say it wasn�t fair, but that�s not true. She always makes sure that I�m...well taken care-of when the need arises.
Reaching one hand between us, I realized much to my delight that she wasn�t wearing any panties. I slid my index finger into her heated, dripping slit. She dropped her head back and clenched her folds around my finger, gasping out her rapturous encouragement. �Angel,� she whispered my name as she dropped her head down and buried her face in my hair.
I didn�t reply as I moved from one perfect breast to the other, beginning to pump my finger in and out of her in a slow, driving rhythm that pressed my thumb against her sensitive clit. I swirled my tongue around the undercurve of her breast, and scraped my teeth along the tip; eliciting a delighted moan from my willing lover. I delivered playful nips to her soft flesh, making her squirm in my lap and giggle in the most adorable fashion.
I couldn�t resist her luscious depths� calls anymore. Pulling my finger from her, I lifted her up and guided my raging erection into her dripping folds. She let out a sigh of contentment as I slid in all the way. I looked down at my finger now, and saw that it was soaking wet with her juices. I smiled softly, unable to contain my curiosity.
Lifting my finger slowly, I pressed it to her lips. She smiled and complied to my silent request, sucking her own essence from my finger. I chuckled softly, �that�s my girl.� I pulled my finger away and swallowed her lips in a tender kiss. She giggled girlishly and wrapped her arms around my neck as I kissed her with deep intensity. I could taste her in her own mouth now, and it managed to do the impossible: it made me want her even more.
Grasping her hips firmly, I lifted her off my raging erection until just the tip remained inside. She opened her eyes to look down at me as the fresh air hit the now-vacant insides of her. �Angel,� she whispered, and pushed down on me despite my efforts to hold her still and enjoy the moment of being just barely united.
My girl couldn�t control herself? Fine by me.
She braced her hands on my shoulders, and rose to her knees once more, starting a rhythm of her own that the gleam in her eyes was asking me to follow. I smirked and thrust upwards, meeting her quiet demands of dominance. Unable to keep from touching her however, I snatched my lips onto her left breast once more as my fingers slid down her rib cage to rub her clit tenderly. She moaned now with each thrust, whispering one command over and over again...
�More.�
I complied, wrapping my free arm around her and pushing up further into her with every thrust. She let out a light shriek of shocked joy as I pressed against her womb. She began a new maneuver then, that I had never felt her do before. Whenever she raised off me, she tightened her inside walls to push back on me, making it even tighter around my thick cock.
I groaned, shutting my eyes as I nipped at the sensitive skin between her breasts. My little sex goddess was experimenting. How very interesting. If this was anyone besides Buffy, I would have taken this as my cue to start introducing her to the many sex toys that could provide interesting and pleasurable experimentation. But suddenly the idea of allowing anything to touch her-even if it was just plastic or battery operated-made me growl. Nothing would ever pleasure her body...Except my own. Of that, I was sure. She would eternally find pleasure in my body, and I in hers. Nothing would be placed between us as a barrier, and nothing would be used on her to produce pleasure. No nipple clamps. Not clit teasers. No dildos.
Nothing.
I groaned as I felt myself beginning to peak. I usually didn�t come so fast, but when it was Buffy-in this erotic state of seduction, control and dominance-I couldn�t help but be ready to come from the moment that we started.
Wanting her to join me in ecstasy, I pressed against her clit firmly, and put all of my passion and desire into my voice as I continued to drive up into her. �Do you wanna come, baby? Does that feel good? Tell me how good it feels, lover. You�re dripping wet, and you�re so damn tight. Tell me how good it feels. Tell me, lover.� I nipped up the skin on the side of her neck, and she gasped.
�It feels so good,� she finally choked out a sentence. �So good. So good. So good.-Oh God! Harder. Please, harder.�
�Harder what, lover?� I chuckled softly, knowing that in her current state of delight-she would answer just about any question I asked as long as I pleasured her for it.
�Please push harder,� she whispered. �I want to feel all of you inside of me, Angel. All of you. Please. Please. Please,� her last words were barely audible as she clenched her eyes shut and bit her bottom lip firmly.
I took this time and flipped her over onto her back, lifting her legs up to her shoulders so that I could penetrate deeper. I kneeled at her tight entrance, and guided my cock back into her. She screamed as I beat down into her with a driving force that probably would have alarmed and frightened her if she didn�t like it as rough as I�d come to know that she did. My lover�s tastes for pleasure closely matched my own. Now to see if she�d be interested in playing a few games with me...Possibly with chains?
As she started to come, I bit down on her neck, eliciting another scream from her. �Angel!� she yelled my name at the top of her lungs as she exploded. With one final push inside of her-I was there with my lover: floating on a wave of unsurpassed pleasure that crashed down and drowned us every two milliseconds, showing no signs of slowing.
When I opened my eyes, it was to see my love�s gorgeous face covered in a mask of glowing delight. I kissed her smiling lips tenderly, and lowered her legs, pulling out of her. One look at her tight channel with my seed glistening on her delicate outer lips, and I was hard again. But I allowed my lover the brief reprieve...Brief, that is. Her strength would be limited since she hadn�t yet had her first meal.
I was about to roll off her and pull her into my arms, when she pulled me down on top of her; silent requesting the feeling of my weight crushing down on her. Not one to refuse the idea of covering my darling completely, I agreed and buried my head in the pillow next to her neck. I smirked when she started kissing my neck, but I made no move to react just yet. She wanted to take things slow sometimes. This, I could tell, was going to be one of those times. Now that we had satisfied our animalistic urges and carnal fires to the point of bringing them down to a neutral ground: she would want to take time to love one another.
Worship.
Fine by me. Worshipping my goddess is a new hobby. One I never thought that I would find delight in. But the way that she makes me feel, ensures me to the end-that I was always a hobbiest at heart...I just never found my passion before her. Because after all...She is my passion.
�Did you know it rained?� she whispered into my skin.
�Really?� I asked, sliding my face along the soft layer of her skin. It was so cold and refreshing, despite how hot I knew she could feel.
�It wasn�t just normal rain,� she said in a hushed tone, as if she was telling a secret that she didn�t want any cameras that might be hidden in the room, to know about or hear. I looked up at her and waited for the rest of what she had to say. Slowly, she whispered, �it was fire.�
~~