Faith Abandoned: Chapter 1

'I come sick to the doctor of life,
unclean to the fountain of mercy,
blind to the radiance of eternal light,
and poor and needy to the Lord of Heaven and Earth.'

I heard his footsteps echoing through the deserted chapel as I knelt, finishing my daily prayer. I could feel his anxiety like static electricity as he bounced from foot to foot. He had been told by the other priests that he was not to interrupt when we were praying. I smiled slightly and finished up my prayer quickly, blessing myself and pushing myself stiffly to my feet. The downside of a life of prayer and devotion was the loss of feeling in the knees and the shooting pains as blood suddenly discovered that my feet existed again. But compared to the feeling of peace and oneness that I had, it was nothing. The boy coughed and I looked over at him.

"They're here, señor. Outside."

I could hear the budding hero worship in his voice and smiled. I'd seen it so often in my travels that it was expected. It wasn't every day that one of the highest spec military carriers landed at the monastery. In fact, it was the first time since the kid had been taken in from the streets that the military had dropped in. It wasn't common but this was a special circumstance. I pulled the green silk stole from around my neck, folding it and placing a kiss on the cloth, a benediction. The boy was itching to move, still not understanding why I wasn't as excited over the landing as he was. But truth be known, I was, but not for the reason he thought.

I walked down the aisle of the church, following the running child at a more sedate pace. I had to squint as I stepped out into the porch, the sudden change from darkness to light, but then I saw them. Ten men laughing and joking with each other as they stood around the transport ship, the kid chatting and talking to the men, asking them to show him their guns, to let him join them. In their favour, they were dealing well with the child but that had never been the problem. They were a good bunch of guys.

I stood off to one side, just watching for a moment before the captain noticed me and waved.

"Pete..." he called out, walking over. "Or should I say Father now?"

"Pete will do fine, Dave." I answered, holding out my hand towards him. It was hard not to give into my instincts and salute but I was past that time in my life now.

He took my hand and shook it, both of us smiling broadly. I turned back towards the men again and found them all lined up, all at attention. Instinct took over and I found myself saluting back. That was when it all dissolved from order into chaos. My back was slapped so many times that I was sure that I would carry bruises in the morning, but it was all good natured fun. Nothing that I hadn't been through a thousand times before but I was relieved that the collar hadn't changed anything. I let out a breath that I hadn't realised I was holding. We were all still the same, despite recent history.

Dave hovered at my elbow, waiting until the men finished talking to me, asking me how I was. A part of me that had been hollow without my even realising it was filled again. Conversation came easily. Time disappeared as I caught up on lives and love lives. New jokes were swapped, ones that the priests in the monastery wouldn't appreciate, or even get in most cases. I looked over at Dave and saw the look in his eyes. I'd been a priest long enough to know that look, an overburdened soul. I nodded at him, a tiny head movement, unnoticed by the other men but not by Dave. Dave never missed anything or at least that's how it seemed. He was a good man, one of the few still left.

I excused myself and broke out of the crowd. Dave followed. Wordless. It wasn't a comfortable silence. I knew that he was trying to pick words so I gave him his space. He was worried. I could see that written in his ice blue eyes, but it wasn't just that. I could almost taste the fear, deeply hidden but still present. We walked along the outer wall of the monastery, looking out over the orange tinted countryside, a side effect of the force shield. We stopped, just standing there for a few minutes, taking in the view. I was about to say something when he spoke.

"It's gonna be bad, Pete."

Five words. Five words and everything was explained. I hadn't seen the guys in about six months, hadn't heard from them. Until this morning, that is. I'd guessed the reason but having it confirmed was something else. I knew that nothing I could say now would help. There were no right words for me to say, no mystical teachings that I could impart that would make everything better, so I stayed quiet. Dave broke the silence again.

"We don't have a mission spec. Just a drop zone." He looked at me before looking back through the shield. "You know what that means."

It wasn't a question. He knew damned well that I knew what he meant. Hell, it wasn't the first time a team was being sent out with nothing but a set of co-ordinates. It wasn't the first time the team commander was pissed… It wouldn't be the last either. Dave had no idea what was waiting for him or his team and walking in blind was the last thing he wanted to do. Couldn't say that I blamed him.

"Yeah! I know." I had to say something.

Damnit, it was my job to comfort, but how do you comfort someone when you know that nothing will make a difference. It won't change the facts. Dave turned, looking back at the men, still laughing and joking around the transport.

"I don't wanna lose 'em, Pete. Been together too long. Hell, I know most of 'em better than I know my wife." He forced a laugh, but it never reached his eyes.

"They're good men, Dave, real good. They can look out for themselves. You know that." I turned to watch them as well.

"Yeah, I know." He said. "But… Don't change the fact that this mission is suicide."

I said nothing. I couldn't. I knew he was right. And that's the crux of the matter. Brass only sends you out with no specs when they don't know what's out there and there was nothing worse than landing in a hot zone with no intel, no idea what you were fighting or how to take it out. Sure Brass would work on it when you gave them a description, but the chances of getting the intel back before you didn't need it any more…? Slim. You could pray for a lucky shot, and hell, that's what I'd be doing, but nine times outta ten it's going to take you out first. Medics would be scraping you up and shipping you home.

"We got a rookie too. Two weeks, still green."

That got my attention. I started looking around the crowd, but all the faces were familiar. I didn't see anyone that I didn't recognize.

"He's in the transport. Said he didn't wanna interfere with the reunion." Dave laughed again but it was more something to do than truly meant. "Told him he didn't have to."

"I'll get him out for the blessing." I replied. "Presuming you want one of course."

Dave nodded, sighing. "Turn down an extra layer of protection? We ain't stupid, Pete. We need someone on our side."

I smiled but it faded quickly. "Do they know, sir?"

Falling back onto old habits again.

"No… I'll tell them when we leave here. No point them knowing yet."

I nodded. Not much more I could do.

"You know that they probably know." I turned to look at him again.

"Yeah, but no point black and whiting it just yet."

I knew he was right. Suspicions are one thing but knowing that their superiors were about to ask for the ultimate sacrifice in definitive detail…? That was something completely different. Best to let them have their fun now. They'd already done out their final letters to friends and family. Standard operating procedure these days when heading out. Sad but true.

"I just…" Dave started. "I just… Take care of Helen for me if…"

I cut him off. "Nothing's going to happen to you Dave. You and the boys are gonna be just fine. Can't start thinking like that. You know what happens when you start getting fatalistic."

"Yeah, I know… But… If it happens…" He pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on, hiding his eyes from me.

"Don't worry. She'll be cared for. You have my word on that."

He searched my face, I could feel it. But I wasn't lying. I'd make sure of it somehow. I'd make sure that anyone left behind would be cared for, even if it involved moving them all into the monastery. These guys had been family to me… Still were in a way.

"Thanks." Dave said, sincerity in his voice.

We stayed there for another couple of minutes before we headed back. Nothing more was said. Nothing more was needed. We were almost back to the men when I plastered a smile on my face. No point fuelling the suspicions. We were almost back at the transport when I saw him. The rookie. Couldn't have been more than eighteen.

"Hey Pete, come meet the new guy. Transferred in a couple of weeks back. We've been training him up real good." One of the men, Perkins, joked.

I could imagine the training.

"Let me guess…" I said, joking back, forcing what I knew to the back of my mind. "Short sheeted the bed? Novelty toothpaste that turns your teeth black? Latrine duty? Sound about right?"

Perkins grinned widely and nodded.

"Jeez, Perkins, get new material."

The men laughed, a good sound to hear.

"So what's you name?" I asked the new guy.

"Michaels, sir, Danny Michaels."

He seemed stuck between saluting and shaking my hand so I took his hand and shook it.

"So how you liking the team, Danny?"

"I like it, sir." He gave the standard answer, can't tell the outsider that the men were making your life hell for the fun of it.

I grinned. "Nah, you hate it. I know you do. These guys can be the worst bunch at times, but believe me, once you get out there, there is no one you'd rather have at your back. They watch out for their own and that's you now. Don't worry about it. They'll get bored of the jokes soon… or at least they'll start picking on each other instead of just you."

An arm draped over my shoulder and I found myself being tugged off to the side by one of the men.

"Damn, Father, you're giving away all our secrets." Another of the men joked.

"Gotta give the guy a bit of hope, ya know! Not allowed to scare of the rookies." I smiled.

Perkins crowded in again, a huge grin on his face. "Ya know, Father, we were all kinda curious who'd be better in a straight up competition, you or the rookie here?"

I groaned. This was just like the guys. They'd probably taken the guys money, selling him some story about how I had some weak skills and would no doubt lose to him in mere seconds. They were setting him up for a fall. I'd seen it a thousand times before. Part of me wanted to warn the rookie that they were planning something but if I did that, he'd never learn.

"Awww, guys, I'm sure that I'm no match for Danny here. I mean, he's military, I'm just a humble priest."

I knew I was laying it on fairly thick but I was having too much fun to stop now. It had been months, more, since I last stretched those muscles and to be honest, it was bothering me a little. It was starting to feel like an itch that needed to be scratched. You know that feeling when you've been writing for hours and then you stretch your hand? It was like that now as I flexed.

The boys were laughing when I turned my attention back to them, already contemplating their winnings. I swear, they never change. A constant in a world of change. I smiled as they laid out the rules for the competition.

"Right, we'll keep it simple." Perkins said. "We'll fire two shots, aiming at those two rocks over there. Competition is simple. Whichever bullet drops first, that one's the winner. Father, if you'd be so good as to stop the bullet on the right, and Danny, yours is the one on the left."

I looked over at Danny and smiled before looking around at the men. Already I spotted the trick. I shook my head and looked at Dave. He'd spotted it too. I wasn't surprised.

"Ready…"

The men shooting took aim. Every breath was held.

"Set…"

I closed my eyes, concentrating.

"Fire!"

The bullets left the gun and in that moment, my eyes opened. I could feel the bullet cutting the air, charging forward towards the target. I reached out until I could feel the moment that the air was being cut. In that instant, time stopped. I was there, watching the muzzle flash, watching the progress. I stretched out my mind and grabbed that bullet from the air which held it. But not with my hand, never with my hand. God it was good to flex this muscle. It had been so long, too long since I had done this. Not the competition but using the gifts that I had been given.

Reality dropped back into place as the bullet hit the ground. I could feel the goose-bumps on my arms, the shivers running down my fingers. It was like being plugged into the generator. God, I missed it. I hadn't thought about it in so long but now… Now I wondered how I'd lived without it.

The crowd was cheering and clapping me on the back but it was a hollow victory. I turned to Danny who looked lost. In fairness, he offered his hand. A gracious loser. I looked at the puzzlement in his face and couldn't help it. Last thing he needed was to be going into battle thinking that his powers didn't work.

I looked around smiling, watching the men exchange money. My hand shot out and then suddenly a black stone sat in the palm of my hand. I'd plucked it from a fold in Danny's clothing.

"You should keep better watch, Danny." I smiled as I said it, taking the sting out of my words.

He looked at it, puzzled still.

"It's a null stone. Kills any talent stone dead instantly. Enemy used to use it in battle." My voice was philosophical as I said it, my memory falling back over years to the last war. "Watch out for it. Last thing you want is to have it too close to you in a fight and believe me, I know that from first hand experience."

I threw the stone to the boy, watching him catch it and examine it and me at the same time. Weighing up both of us. I could see the look on his face. He wouldn't be caught that way twice. A good trait to have.

"You've served. With this unit."

A statement, and a smart one. I smiled.

"Yes. But that's behind me now." There was only a little sadness in my voice.

"Right," I said, putting an end to the merriment. "Line up you lot. It's getting late. Time to bless you so you can go fight the bad guys."

As one, the men dropped to their knees, blessing themselves and quieting down. I looked to Dave and he nodded. The words flowed out of my mouth automatically as the responses did from the men in front of me. My mind was wondering how many of these men, these friends, I would see again, how many would survive the task that they had been set.

"Amen."

They rose slowly to their feet again, more sombre this time. I knew that they all knew what was coming and accepted it. Whether that made me happier or sadder, I don't know. One by one, I shook their hands as they piled back into the transport.

Dave was the last one in. We shared a last look before the door slid closed. I tried to remember a prayer, one final prayer but nothing came to mind and that scared me. I couldn't think of anything as I watched the transport climb higher into the sky. The shield flickered as it fell, letting them leave without incident. Another flicker and it was back in place and they were gone.

I walked back into the church, my heart heavy. Even the young boy walking beside me, babbling about getting to meet one of the most famous squadrons in the military. I couldn't hear the words. Or more, I didn't want to. I was struggling to fix them in my mind, unbroken, whole, so that when the news came I would have that to fall back on, not the film that would be showed on the news.

I sighed. Thinking wasn't going to help them, to save them from their fate. Only skill and a little luck would do that. I cast a glance at the cross on the wall and offered another silent prayer.

Voices startled me and I turned towards them, listening because there was no other choice.

"Do they know?" A voice, hurried, rushed, asked.

"No… They have apparently denied all knowledge." The second voice answered, the bishop.

"Is a team being sent out?" The first voice asked again, unknown to me.

"Yes, I believe that was them just leaving."

"My God… We should have told them something, gotten them prepared."

"We could not and you know it. The council has forbidden any revelations to the military. Even if we wanted to, our hands are tied." There was sadness in the voice, but the sincerity was missing.

I felt my knees going, felt myself begin to fall. My friends were going to die. The church I served knew that. And knew what they were up against and did nothing. I felt the bile rise in my throat, felt it burn on its ascent. And suddenly I was moving.

My hands closed on the bishops vestments, dragging him up and off his feet as his back collided with a wall.

"You knew… You knew…" It was all that I could say.

"Father… Father, get a hold of yourself."

The owner of the first voice was pulling on my arms, trying to get me to release the bishop but I was military bred. Strength was something that I had. Strength of mind. Strength of body. Strength of purpose.

My mind flared again and the unknown man was flung backwards, hitting a wall and slumping to the bottom, unconscious.

"My Lord," my voice strained to get through my teeth. "Perhaps you would be so good as to tell me what you cannot tell the military."

He struggled, trying to pit his strength against mine but to no avail.

"My Lord, I will not ask again. I will simply rip it from your mind."

The bishop paled, somewhere deep inside knowing that it was not an idle threat. He stuttered and spewed excuses, but I wasn't in the mood to listen. I pictured his mind, the pink pulsing globe and pushed inside, pulling out information. His ordination, his appointment, his life, all laid out before me. And there it was. A single image.

"A demon…" I let him fall as my body convulsed with revulsion at the image in the bishop's brain.

"A demon." I breathed the words as I fell to my knees.

A blessing was not going to do much good. The bible recited over each and every single one of them would not have served as blessing enough for them. How…? Who could have raised the beast? Why? I didn't know and it wasn't important.

I sank back on my hunkers, trying to decide what needed to be done. They needed to be told. That much was clear. I pulled myself to my feet with the help of a pew. I turned my back on the bishop, stumbling away. Away from the injured men. Away from their deceit, their treachery. Away from the last years of my life. How could I stay here? How could I preach a religion that allowed men to be slaughtered and killed?

I stumbled into the communication station and looked at the screen. I couldn't remember the designation of the transport vessel. But it didn't matter. It would have gone dark by now, no communication with anyone but command, safer that way. Which left me in a quandary… Who could I call? How could I get to them?

The idea was simplicity. If they could only talk to command, call command. I punched in the number, dialling it from memory, one of the few numbers that would be with me until I died.

"This is a restricted number, please give your security code or end this call immediately."

I gave my code, the old code. I knew it was no longer valid but maybe, maybe it would get me someone I knew. Someone with influence.

"I'm sorry, this code is no longer valid."

I had to try. "This is Lieutenant Peter Harris. It is imperative that I speak to someone in charge. Immediately."

I heard a click and for a moment, I thought that they had hung up but I was wrong. A gruff voice picked up the call.

"There is no Lieutenant Harris with this program."

I had to get through, I had to. "Sir, please don't hang up. I have vital information that needs to be transmitted immediately. This concerns Captain David Marks' current mission. Sir, I know what they are up against. You must contact them and give them the information. Please."

The voice answered. "I cannot discuss ongoing missions, sir. I suggest that you hang up."

"Damnit, don't you understand?" I pleaded. "It's a demon. They're up against a demon. You have to tell them."

"I cannot discuss ongoing missions, sir."

"You have to tell them. Please. Tell them. At least let them know what they are facing before they land. Give them a chance. You have to let them know. Please."

I heard the moment's hesitation. I heard the pause and the mumblings in the background and the phone being snatched.

"Harris. You can't be on this line. You quit, remember?" A voice, one I knew this time. An old commander, a bastard but at least one that cared about his men.

"Sir, I know what they are up against. It's a demon, sir, and a big one." I tried to pull myself together but I was past any semblance of control now.

I heard the curse on the other end of the phone line. "You sure?"

Just one question.

"Yes."

"Damnit. Harris… Harris I need you to get off this line." His voice had dropped to a low rumble.

"You'll tell them?" I had to ask.

"Jesus, Harris. I… I wish I could. They dropped out of range about five minutes ago. I'm sorry." And he was.

I was too late. I was too late… I dropped the handset. I could see my hands shaking but there was nothing I could do to control them. My knees were on the ground. I was on the ground and the only things going through my head were prayers.

I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. They were good men. If anyone needed a guardian right about now it was them.

'Please God… Please God… Please God bring them home. Please….'

The same words echoed around my head again and again. Again and again until thinking became too hard. I grabbed for the communication system, making it flick to life.

The news was on. The main evening news.

"A mammoth battle took place today between the USMC's Preternatural Unit and an undisclosed entity in the midlands."

I held my breath, waiting, but afraid.

"KSBC extends it's deepest sympathies to the families of Privates Smith, Johnson, Williams, Davis, Taylor, Garcia, Martinez and Lieutenants White and Perez. KSBC also extends its best wishes to Captain Marks and Private Michaels, both of whom are currently in critical condition in a nearby military hospital…"

My face fell to my hands. Nine dead. Two injured, still not out of the woods. Two… Better than nothing but nothing would have been better than everyone coming back alive. But two still alive, the captain and the rookie.

I needed to get out of here. Needed to get to that hospital.

It took too long to get to my feet. Pain ran down my legs but I pushed past it. I struggled to my room and packed my belongings and walked out of the church. I knew where I was going. I had a plan… a short range plan but a plan. After that… After that, I had no clue. But tomorrow could look after itself… For now, I'd just deal with today. That was enough for now. It had to be. Didn't it?

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