WhatsUp16

Friday January 3, 2003 -- 3:10pm
And I'm back home. Herr Direktor surprised us all by making a rational decision and closing the museum down at 2pm. I think, actually, he'd make a lot more rational decisions if he did not consult The Board. Ever.

Anyway, fishing is off, and I have been reminded that my favorite Winter sport - at least so far - is driving. I love driving in the snow. This is probably due either to the fact that I am insane, or to the lack of snow-related car accidents in my life.

-- 9:10am
Depending on the degree to which the weather becomes ridiculous, I may be going ice fishing tomorrow. This is extremely exciting to my Inner Nature-Girl. I am not sure how much snow constitutes Not Good Weather For Ice Fishing, but I suspect that 12 inches might do it. In January, I begin to get sick of cold weather and snow. Masochist that I am, I repeatedly choose to live in regions of the country where it continues to snow until May.

Bennett smells like a geranium this morning. Very odd.

Also, I am having a difficult time recovering from a dream I had last night in which I attempted to swallow a slightly disemboweled mouse whole. YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday January 2, 2003 -- 9:55pm
Weather like this always makes me wonder what ever possessed people to live in a place like this.

It took 15 minutes just to open the door of my car this morning.

Wednesday January 1, 2003 -- 9:40am
Happy New Year!!!

Tuesday December 31, 2002 -- 3:50am
I am awake. ARGH!

Monday December 30, 2002 -- 5:00pm
Today, when we got to work, there was a dead cat on the snow in front of the staff entrance. I feel it was an omen. Jake, Patti and Adam put it in a garbage bag and stuffed it in the freezer, with all the other dead animals (rats, murdered snakes, old geckos...).

Everything is very stressful right now. I looked up apartments in my price range in yesterday's paper, and I drove by one today to see how it looked. I have come to the conclusion that I will not be able to afford to live in Albany, unless squalor is the look I'm after. This does not really come as a shock though, and I've been thinking about crossing the river and moving to Troy, where rent is lower. I hate the thought of apartment hunting. I love actually moving, but I hate trying to find a place. I'm always so afraid I'm going to make a bad decision.

Sunday December 29, 2002 -- 2:30pm
Mmmmm. Birthday.

I had a really nice, fun birthday. And there is nothing better than getting out of bed at 1:30pm and having irish coffee and cupcakes for breakfast. Unless it is having ice cream cake and a Cape Codder for lunch an hour later. Life is good. Even if I am almost old.

Wait. Did I just say, "Life is good?!?" Quick! Someone call the media!

Thursday December 26, 2002 -- 5:00pm
I made it back to Albany, after a disappointingly easy drive. I would have enjoyed the challenge, but the roads were perfectly cleared of snow from Watertown, CT to Albany, NY. Finding a parking space near my apartment was a bit more difficult.

There's a bloody lot of snow here.

Wednesday December 25, 2002 -- 3:45pm
Well, Merry Christmas and all of that. We've had a pretty nice day here, except I can't seem to sleep anymore, and the snow is really disappointing. Lots of junk food and Irish cream whisky has been consumed. We tried to get my dad to drink by giving him hard lemonade (which has to be the least alcoholy tasting alcohol on the planet) but he took one sip and said, "Yes. That's interesting. I can still taste the alcohol though."

Oh well.

I just took my life into my hands and clipped the claws of the 500 year old cat that lives here. He's notorius for his insane viciousness, but now that he's deaf, blind, scrawny and senile, it went pretty well. I only got bit once. I still have the back claws to do though. That will probably require the help of a brave assistant.

I got lots of great new clothes, but it seems World Peace and feminine wiles were in short supply this year. Sigh.

Monday December 23, 2002 -- 8:10pm
Apparently I told my family that I was going there tonight. An hour or so ago, my mother called my cell phone and asked, "Where are you?!?"

"I'm in my kitchen. Why?"

Oops. I used to have it so together!

I have a big headache tonight, and have been feeling fairly sad all day. i don't know why. Just everything. 'Tis the season, I guess.

Also, I want to know who those people are who spend $9 to drive through Washington Park and look at the cheesy-ass lights. Then I want to slap them.

Oh dear. I'd better work on my holiday cheer.

Sunday December 22, 2002 -- 5:45pm
I should be Christmas shopping right now. Just so you know. My excuse for not being Christmas shopping right now is that I had too many things in my hands when I left where I was. I refused a bag to carry them in, without thinking about the fact that I needed to go directly to Christmas shopping (sans car). Subconsciously I must have known there was a reason not to go Christmas shopping. While that reason has not yet revealed itself to me, I am sure it exists.

Interesting Fact: Minnie likes Walnut-Date-Fig Bread, but only in small amounts.

Saturday December 21, 2002 -- 7:30pm
Gawd. I just ate a ludicrous amount of food at a restaurant which I must take my parents to next time they are in town. Very silly place.

Now I'm all annoyed with myself because I cannot find the masking tape anywhere, and I want to hang up Christmas cards. Luckily, I am too full to actually care all that much.

-- 7:45am
Happy Dec. 21st, and happy Solstice. I think it's today. I am pretty sure I read somewhere that it's today. Someone else told me it's tomorrow though. Well, either way, the days will be getting longer soon. I have been fortunate enough to have been given the opportunity to see this one through from sunrise to sunset. (That was my attempt to put a positive spin on the fact that I have been awake since 5am for no particular reason.)

I'm going to this little thing tomorrow- sort of in honor of the solstice, but sort of not - and I'm supposed to bring an object to symbolize something I want to work on this year. I've decided that the thing I most need to work on is self-acceptance. The only thing I have found so far to symbolize that is this little gnome guy looking in a hand mirror, admiring himself. But I don't really mean physical self-acceptance ('though that would be nice too) and I can't think of anything to represent what I do mean.

Anyway, Dee and I seem to be on a mad glass-smashing spree. Not on purpose. This is not some sort of subversive attempt to avoid doing dishes. Every week there is glass in our garbage. I am especially talented. I can even inadvertantly smash mugs.

Yesterday Joe took me aside and gently advised me to do some networking and think about my options. Eish.

Friday December 20, 2002 -- 5:55pm
Not a good day. Luckily, my denial is thriving.

-- 8:45am
Christmas. Riiiiiiight. Yeah. That's in FIVE DAYS. Actually, I'm not in such bad shape. I have stuff for my family. I haven't mailed anything that needs to be mailed, but I have obtained almost all the addresses I need. And I have a dress for the party, and that's all that really matters.

I'm kind of surprised to see yesterday's entry on here. I was having such problems with this program last night. I didn't think it saved. It's a Christmas miracle!!!

No one's going to be at work today. I hate it when the director's not there and there's no one around to enjoy it with me. I'm a little distressed because, suddenly, I might have to work tomorrow. Feh. And I have to cancel all of the workshops I wrote for the break week because no one signed up for them. And the tide pool's just going to have to stay closed because I don't have anyone properly trained to run it - including me.

I guess the good news is that now I have all of next year's December break workshops written and prepared - with sample crafts and everything.

Thursday December 19, 2002 -- 7:15pm
I was in a terrific mood today - and uncharacteristically hopeful - in what can only have been a backlash response to yesterday. Actually, everyone at the museum seemed pretty chipper, considering.

I worked for 3 hours today. I like 3 hour days.

I bought a dress today for a mere $8. I had a gift certificate for this store from 2 years ago. They still took it. This is good, because I am going to need to get some shoes to wear with the dress. I love, love, love it, but I still wish I had a reason to wear the dress I wore last year. It's so pretty.

I enjoyed my little Lark Street jaunt. I think I need to re-emerge. But not tonight. My head hurts.

Wednesday December 18, 2002 -- 8:15pm
This is what I was thinking about in the shower this morning: Now that there are women race car drivers, do they still begin the Indy 500 by saying, "Gentlemen, start your engines?" I mean, it's a tradition - sacred, like throwing out the first ball at the World Series. If I were a race car driver, I think I would still want them to just say "Gentlemen."

Please don't ask me to try and explain how I came to be thinking about the Indy 500 in the shower.

Anyhow, apparently the cold weather has gotten to the Board (whom I continue to hate). The Idiot walked into our weekly staff meeting this morning and closed the door behind him. Ominous. We began the usual Who's-Taking-Notes chit chat, but were cut off abruptly.

"We won't be following the usual agenda today."

Um....

"The museum finished the year with a substantial deficit. The Board has put a freeze on hiring until a new budget can be worked out, so at least until January 21st."

The meeting went on for about 2 more hours, but this is the point at which my brain ceased to function. A freeze on hiring. That means no replacement for Joe. "Merry Christmas, Deana! The museum has decided to give you this matching set of ulcers and alcoholism!"

It was the first time, throughout countless piles of bullshit, that I cried in a staff meeting. I don't think anyone could really tell, although I went down in the minutes as having "visibly paled."

The good news is the incredible job security I will be enjoying for the next month or so. They can't fire me when there's a freeze on hiring and when Joe's last day is January 10th! They'd be left with an education department consisting of one part-time employee. So I plan to be as obnoxious and inappropriate as possible. I started today by telling The Idiot what I thought about his cockameemy (uh... spelling?) plan to spontaneously have a major event in 5 days.

An almost direct quote from my well-mannered mouth: "It is an enormous waste of my time to plan yet another crappy last minute event with no marketing so that no one can attend it. You can justify not doing it by telling the Board that today is Wednesday. 5 days before they want to have this event. It's stupid."

We're not having the event.

Something tripped one of the rat traps tonight, without getting caught. I fear it might have been a Girl Scout.

Tuesday December 17, 2002 -- 8:00pm
Today had very few redeeming qualities, and I am left feeling somewhat self-destructive. I am expressing it through consumption of irish cream whisky, which - before you get all upset about it - is a lot better than some of the other ways I could express it. Plus, it's yummy and it's the holidays, so it's ok.

I was recently asked whether I love or hate the holidays. Interesting question. First of all, as the person who posed the question sometimes reads this, I must apologize for not having responded to that email yet. Sorry, professor. (Hehehe) Second, the way the question was posed appeals to my tendency toward extremes. Either I love it or I hate it. And I feel somewhat extreme about the holidays. I love and hate them. There's little in between.

I love getting ready for the holidays. I love decorating and Christmas shopping, being a big dork and singing carols incessantly, writing out and sending cards (although you wouldn't know it from how often I mail them on time).

I hate the actual holiday. "Hate" is too strong. I am always disappointed. It's just not what it used to be. Actually, Christmas has been a huge disappointment for me every year since my grandmother died. I didn't know, until after she wasn't there anymore, that, for me, Christmas was all about her.

Plus, we don't have any little kids in our family. It's so much more fun with little kids.

Incidentally, Museum 3, Rats 3. The rats scored by chewing through the wiring of the door and by eating all the bait off the traps without getting caught in them.

And, my musical tastes have taken a turn toward the absurd lately. It started with the whole 80's rock + Eminem thing and reached Critical Stage this morning when I declared (to myself) Korn to be extremely talented. Obviously the situation is becoming quite serious.