WAN PEE

we AAARE.. we AAARE.. UUUNCOOOOOL!

i need to start this introduction of characters with the main character. who would be: Hat.
Hat, as everyone should know, is an evil, sentient being, bent on becoming ruler of... the seas, i suppose.

numbah wan umi MASUTAA!

"You're in my shot, BOY!"

Hat, of course, cannot exist without a host, and is extremely drawn to the ocean, and so, we have seen Hat living atop the heads of various and sundry pirates. makes sense.
this is also another reason why we can know that Hat is not a normal straw hat... it has lived for MANY GENERATIONS.

"i get it. but i don't get it."

now we can move to LUFFY!
monkey d. luffy, if you di'n' know.
luffy is a very frightening, strange, odd-minded boy of 19. when we started out, he was 17. (IT'S ONLY BEEN TWO YEARS? HELLS!)

amazing.

howdy, officer!!

luffy ate the gomu gomu no mi, or "rubber rubber fruit". and so, naturally, this turned his entire body into rubber. ZOUNDS.
so, of course, he cannot swim. (all who eat these "devil fruits" are "rejected by the sea".)

this magical fruit also apparently gave him the ability to increase his mass. and indestructible teeth. and XTREEM STRONGNESS. i dunno.
if not for Hat, luffy would be lost at sea. (look, i made a joke, there.)

that boy ain't right.

...pirate king, pirate king,
pirate king, meat...

for some reason, in the animated series, we are not told of the reason for his facial scar. BUT IT IS THE BESTEST.
while a little boy, he wanted to prove to the red-hair pirates that he was cool... so he stabbed himself in the face. he's cool. yep.

but! even though he is a simple-minded idiot, he accepts that he is an idiot. he values nothing more than his friends... which can be downright uplifting.
when he sets his mind on something, it somehow does get done indeed.
i love luffy for these things and so much more. awwwwwwwww.

POKE

"we're not little kids playing pirates."

my own personal jesus

next to join up wif our crew was the pirate hunter, roronoa zoro. OH HOW I LOVE YOU, ZORO.
as everyone probably already knows, his name comes from francois l'ollonois, a french sworderer, and (of course) the famous zorro. which is why, in the american print of the comic, he is known as ZOLO.. oh the shame.

anyway, our zoro is going to be THE WORLDS GREATEST SWORDSMAN. he's gonna do it, too.
he made this decision after poor sexual-tension-rival-best-friend girl died by chance when he was a tiny, incompetent child. this is also why he carries around a white sword forever - it belonged to her. (AW)

i think this is the only time
we see zoro laughing.

i have never seen you looking so shiny, zurly.

he also spent some time being a hobo. that was fun. but other than a couple of flashbacks, we have yet to really learn of zoro's origins. OOOOH.

for reasons that should be forgotten, i have decided that zoro is the mom of the ship. AND HE IS. he is so good at it. baww. my heart fills with joy at his motherliness.
watch the show or read the comic with this in mind, and you will see it, too.

BEST. MOM. EVER.

"all i love are mikan and mikan*!"

*money and oranges

this is only here for the moon.

next up was nami. OH GOD, NAMI. she is a bitch an' i don't much like her. hmph. but i will talk about her anyway.

nami is going to draw a map of the world. because... she is a cartographer, somehow. and can predict weather stuffs. wowwww.
she went through a whole bunch of horrible shit when she was a little kid... until she met the straw hats. HMM.

oh man, she got a stick!

uh, i'll just. leave this here.

then her life got ALL BETTER and luffy was neato and defended her and stuff so.
i won't even talk about how she is strong now because usopp made her an awesome weapon. BUT WAIT YOU DON'T KNOW USOPP YET. (but yeah, she is only strong because of usopp's brilliance.)

anyway, she is annoying, but got through her life by stealing from pirates, which is pretty cool I GUESS.
she is known as the "cat thief burglar" or something.
NEXT!

boring slut.

"don't make light of me, you bastards!"

JOYYY!!!

NEXT UP IS USOPP!!!
oh, he was so ugly in the beginning. it was like. the only reason why i hated him. but THEN! i read more comic. (and eventually saw more show.) and i learned how AWESOME AND WONDERFUL he is.

poor usopp also had a bad time as a child. his mum died, and instead of dealing with it, he decided to start lying to everyone, and to pretend to be the "captain" of some fearsome child-pirates.

CYAPTAAAAIN USOPPU

whuuuuuut

BUT then the straw hats came, and so did some trouble at the EXACT SAME TIME, so stuff happened, and yay usopp joins the crew. he also had a rich girlfriend, who gave the crew a ship! AMAZE.

much later, shits happened agaaaaain, and he became sogeking. aw. but it's okay! that only lasted for a little while. our little pooper was back to himself before long.
anyway, usopp is GREAT and COOL and i love him. he is just wannafowl. he also gives in that he is still a child sometimes, and actually plays. oh, my heart.

sooooogeeeeeeKIIIIIiiiinguuuuuu

"i wanted to bring everyone just a little bit further."

rough around the edges, but oh so lovely!!!

OH GOING MERRY. the merry will always ALWAYS be a part of my layout on this site, because i loved that damned sheep boat so much!
usopp's rich girlfriend, back on his home island, and her man-at-arms, merry, gifted this marvelous vessel to our first four sillyheads,
since they beat up a bunch of folks and saved the town. (and girlfriend's fortune.)

there was SO MUCH MERRY MERCH. and with good cause.
merry was such a good friend to our crew.

it was once a far-flung dream of mine to visit the going merry in odaiba. SIGH.

i'm.... i'm not crying. YOU'RE crying.

then... welp... the guys got older and more wizened, and the merry got SO beaten up by all their trevails...
that, finally, oda decided it was time for our beloved baby ship to die. and what a death! it took up so many chapters and episodes.
i cried so many ugly tears.
man.

"love is always a hurricane!"

OH OH. next to us is SANJIKINS. oh sanji. you are so stupid. i lovehate you.
now, sanji went through some pretty awful shit, as a kid. his family was a bunch of royal(yes. YES. they are actually royalty, holy crow.) bastards to him and everyone.
his marvelous mom died. he was denied kitchen privileges. he wasn't a wunderkind like his siblings. beh.

SPOILERZZZ

sanji stab like CRAZY BEEF!

welp, then, our poor sanji was alone on a cheffy-ship. wait, no, there were other chefs there and they made fun of him for being a child with DREAMS.
then asskickingchefpirate came and the ship exploded.
then sanji and asskickingpiratechef almost starved to death on an island. which was so funny i almost died.

and in the comic, cheffypirateman struck off his own leg with a rock, then ate it. COOL.
but, of course, in the show, a chain from the exploded ship took it off. fah. amime.
i like the eating. funnier.
but then they are both somehow saved, and somehow piratechef is not arrested...

o_____________o

it's no PUB AND PIES

and they open the baratie, a floating restaurant.
it is full of angry homeless chefs who beat everyone and yell obscenities (like me!)
and sanji has learned to be THE BEST CHEF IN THE WORLD OMG WAOOO

sanji is lovestruck by every female creature he meets.
it's painful to watch.
and somehow old pirateman has taught him art of kicky... which we never flash back to. but maybe we WILL IN FUTURE?? i nunno.
but anyway, his attacks are stupid and powerful, so he can fight, and he can cook. (or so we are TOLD.)

KRAWWWWWWWK

"if we ever meet again someday...
will you call me your friend again?"

LAWD, i'm useless.

omg vivi.
vivi nefertari is an exotic (?) princess from the land of alabastard. my name for her is PRINCESS USELESS. never has there been such a useless character in one piece. good sweet moe.
but anyway, the strawhats take up her cause and go on adventures with her and make her an honorary strawhat.

vivi has a pet/boyfriend duck named caru (or carl maybe) who has more personality than vivi.
fun fact: caru is voiced by hiroaki hirata, who also voices our sanji. AWWWW.

cooahhhhhhh!

"there's no disease that can't be cured!"

TONI SMASSHHHHH

from there we move to CHOPPER
toni toni chopper, who is a blue-nosed reindeer.
he used to frighten me horribly
until i became overly familiar with him
and now i'm alright.
chopper is cute instead.

chopper has a tragic history
he lived on a winter island and everyone thought he was a monster
even his reindeer family, who hated his blue nose and his human bits.
then he met up with hiluluk, who stripped naked and said he was a friend
chopper trusted him, and started his training to be a SUPER-AWESOME DOCTOR

pikachuuuuu

"you mean i�m NOT a real boy?!"

hiluluk had to go and die, and chopper was broken.
then, super-frightening old lady came! who taught him even better to doctor.
then THE STRAWHATS came! and luffy decided he was an AWESOME MONSTER - so he claimed him as nakama.
chopper was reluctant, but he decided, "well, there's all the merchandise for me already, so why not?"

chopper ate the human-human fruit, which made him able to transform into a human-type-creature.
but not really - so, monster. he also can talk to animals, as he was animal before.
he tries his best as part of the crew, even turning into a giant hairy refrigerator
and everybody loves him. even me.

SLOTH LOVE CHUNK

"take me to the sea with you!"

"i�ll 'give it up.'"

OH, ROBINES. ohh, nico robin. i dearly love this lady.
apparently, i told a friend, whilst in a low-blood sugar attack, that i loved her for her boobs. hmm.
BUT REALLY. i love her because she is super smart, and knows how to deal, most of the time.

most of the time, she is super-serious badass lady, but sometimes, she glees. I SEE HER GLEEING.

another reason to love her: she always has a drink. that i want. the woman can DRINK. also, she reads books constantly. WHO WOULD NOT LOVE THAT.

teeheeheeheeheee

"where's the tequila?"

our robines has had the most awful life! I FEEL FOR HER.
she has eaten the hana hana no mi, or "flower flower fruit", which means she can make any body part of hers "blossom" from anything, anywhere.
but that means she was shunned by other kids. :C
her entire home island was susploded by bad good guys, all because of archaeology.

since her home sploded, she has been hiding from the government with bad bad guys, and searching for the lost history of the world. (heavy shit, yo.)
and then! the government CAME FOR HER GASP. but then, you just know that the strawhats fought like hell to get her back. many things was did; many a tear was shed. (some by me.)

"*haha... that was a good one*"

"YOU GUYS..! i love you guys, damn it!"

SUUUUPAAAA

NOW HERE IS FRANKY
franky is a fantastic character, who used to live on a ship-building island.
i used to hate him, too, but now i love him. of course.
franky is yet another orphan of one piece.
he ran with a bunch of outcasts doing fuck-all
that is, until the mugiwara kaizoku dan came.

then, he stole their money that they were going to use to fix up POOR BELOVED MERRY
however, merry was determined to be unfixable. arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg
and franky bought lots of expensive woods, that are somehow really great.
and, after adventures involving robines, he built the strawhats a new, horrible SHIP with a stupid face

AAUUUU!!!

"my hair has POWERS!!"

franky is a cyborg
he once destroyed himself by being run over by a train that ran on the sea
so then, he rebuilt himself, since he was amazingly still alive
then, after a while, he built himself some new parts and became EVEN MORE cyborgian

he can't control his emotions as well
and he often cries over the tiniest things.
he also has sunglasses, and on occasion plays guitar that appears out of nowhere.
that makes him cool.

"man, i'm exhausted from all that crying."

"......"

I DON'T LIKE YOU, KONBOAT.

wahhhHHHHHHH. okay, so, franky is an awesome shipwright, and the money he stoled from our strawhats, he used to buy MAGICAL WOODS from the "treasure tree adam".
it is very extremely expensive wood, and considered to be the strongest and alla that.
so there.

what did cutty flam use this special wood for? to make the strawhats a FANTABULOUS BOAT with a stupid teddybearkon face. yep.

this boat looks like a giant ferry.
which is what it is.

what... what am i looking at here?

there is also a whole hell of a load of thousand sunny merch. boy howdy, is there.

"'loneliness' is no longer part of my vocabulary."

BROOK BROOK! brook is entirely awesome
being a giant skeleton
who laughs at everything
and is neato.

"i'm a skeleton!"

music, the language of pirates.

brook is like, 88 years old i think, having eaten the yomi yomi no mi, which grants him another life.
he died like fifty years ago, after his pirate ship ran up on some trouble, and the entire crew died. then, after a year of being a wandering spirit, he returned to his body.

but, his flesh had rotted away!
and so, skeleton.
he joined the strawhats because luffy thought, "OH COOL A WALKING SKELETON!"
the mugiwaras of course helped him with some trouble he had,
and he was forever indebted.
he's a wonderful swordsman
using a cane sword to sliccccce!

brook will cut you with SONG.

i need me a teacup with my own
picture on it.

also, he gots mystical music powers, as he is a musician, thereby filling the role luffy has wanted to fill ever since this thing began.
brook is just great, i think. yay. he is a pervert, though, always asking to see women's panties...
and i giggle every time he says 'pantsu'.

"you can't get back what you've lost! what is it you still have?"

oh my goodness gracious meeeeee, JIMBEI!
since our dear jimbei hit the comic, i have ADORED him.
jimbei, also known as "the first son of the sea", was a warlord of the sea! WAO, A FRIGGIN SHICHIBUKAI IN OUR LITTLE KAIZOKU-DAN.

"BAAAHAAHAAHAA~"

"ah kin ster a ship."

also, before then, he was a member of the sun pirates, a leader of them, even! BOY IS HE IMPRESSIVE. (i love him, you know.)
the sun pirates were a band of fishmen who used to be slaves! of the celestial dragons. the celestial dragons are a great big group of snooty toots who live on the top of the red line. they are unmerciful SNOBS! booh on them forever.

aaagh a bunch of stuff has gone on with our jimbei! but i stopped reading the comic a little while ago (maybe a couple years... i need to catch up on my reading!)
anyhow. the tattoo on jimbei's chest, which is a sun, is a cover-up of the detestable slave mark put there by the celestial dragons.

"ah'm a serious grump."

"naw, ah'm not, ah luv mah boyo hya."

(remember hatchan? remember the tattoo on his forehead? MAN oda is good at planning.)
so! that ties in jimbei with a LOT of other characters and plotlines.
he is marvelous at giving sage advice to our luffy there, and luffy loves him to bits.
SO DO I!

poketto no coin,
soreto you wanna be my friend?

WELP that is the nuclear-family-cast of one piece.
i will probably put some moorrrrre people here later. as there are SO MANY CHARACTERS! DAMN! and you have to love nearly all of them.