Accepting Defeat Since 1971
Oct 19, 2002
        ARGENITNA EVICTED
After giving Argentina its third and last warning Monday, South America has decided to have the debt-ridden country evicted from the continent. The Argentinean President Menan was quoted as saying "You can't evict a country from its land!" as chairs, small buildings and chea stereo equpiment were flung into the sea by agents of Secure-Safe Repo, Atalnta. He later added, "Huh. I guess you can."
Nomatic tribes, religious groups, and displaced persons looking to rent the open territory, are asked to call Brazil or Uruguay at 555-3423, no later than 10pm, Monday- Friday.
Study: 15% of People Can't Tell Fantasy From Reality
Could US President Martin Sheen be amoung them?
Russia Drops Ruble in Favour Of Utiles
Ironic Crime On The Rise
Stealing "The Club" from a car, and nothing else - Up 22%

Breaking into jail, in hopes of food, shelter, meeting interesting people
- Up 8%

Using US tax dollars to fund agencies that find tax loopholes for businesses - Up 12.4%
The Ruble stopped trading on all marets Sunday, as the Kremlin announced it was abandoming the worthless currency for the purely theoretical utile. In quazi- communist fashion, one utile is worth what ever value you attach to it in comparison to other things. Economists are also quick to point out that, in theory, it can buy love.
Downloading Worthless Music For Free Somehow Wrong
In spite of a minimum of 5% increase in music sales every year since 1981, the record industry continues to attack peer-to-peer networks, which allow people to share "quality" songs from Brittany Spears, N'Sync and Bon Jovi. All of which, once downloaded, turns out to be porn.
October 21/ 02
Aug. 22 / 02
Nov. 8 / 02
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