Cryin' Since I Met You
Nov 8 2002
November Long Weekend Brings Ethical Problem:
Is It Wrong To Play Paintball On Rememberance Day?
This November Eleventh families across Canada will pay a one or two hour tribute to the millions who died for our freedom. That leaves 34 hours to enjoy that freedom. Like many young Canadians, Scott McKay, 21,  has a basic understanding of the horrors of war, but has already seen Spiderman twice. "I'm not spending that much time with my parents." McKay was quoted as saying. "No way."
Video Game Industry More Pumped to Attack Iraq Than Arms Industry
Stuck with a vast overstock of WWII and Cold-War era games in a saturated market, the video game industry is pushing for a full scale invasion of Iraq by US forces soon. Games like "Battlefeild 42" and "Metal of Honor", once hot, have cooled down as gamers master the use of 30-year old weaponry. Companies like Accalim are lobbying the US for a war that will include; fast urban warfare, the assasination of Hussian, over 170 different weapons and fifteen unique stages of battle.
Cool in 2001
Edmonton Attempts To Ignite Its Core By Firing Proton Torpedos Into The Thermal Exhaust Port
After a decade of decreasing sales and population in its downtown core, Edmonton City Hall has announed a new plan to get things going. The new hope is that a direct hit will cause a chain-reaction that will cause the downtown economy to explode. Some say that it's impossible, even for a computer, but others believe they can "force" it to happen. Chinatown is pushing for a 3.5% decrease in utiliy taxes.
Phone Company Wants You To Take Financial Advice From Alf, Carrottop and Mr.T
Apperently targeting people who think that re-runs on the new TNN are really new, new phone ads are hoping to gain customers who loved the neo-liberal monetary polices from such insightfull 1980's TV shows as "The A-Team".
     World recognised investment banker and 1-800-Collect spokesman, Hulk Hogan, was visably upset upon hearing that a life-insurance company had hired Tony Danza and Scrappy Doo, in a mimicing campaign. An offened Hogan pointed out the rising strength of the US bond market, then ripped off his shirt.
Mr.T pitys fools who don't maximuze thier RRSP contributions.
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