I sit with this pen and this paper to find my own sense of freedom. Finding my way to release some emotion. Give�.Give�Give I hear from this person or that person. I say, how easy it would be let go, to die. Your advice� Live �Live�Live. Do I have that option? No it has been taken.
I face my fears, I address the day, chin up, face lifted, even my pride being put to the test. I hear the voices and what they say "You made your bed now lay in it". Motherfucker I would, but you won�t let me rest.
Get up, open the blinds, let some light in, put on a dress. Damn girl look at this mess.I drink my coffee and look around to see the life I will never have, the place I will never call home, this living hell I roam.
Put on your shoes; take a walk to get some fresh air. A look in the mirror the loneliness the despair.I shake my head, call myself a punk. Told myself I was pathetic, look at how low you�ve sunk.
Push my hair back away from my eyes. Look at the person I have learned to despise.Just like your father just like your mother.Too damn easy to blame another.
Take a shower, get cleaned up, go out get a job, stop being such a slob. This is LIFE. So if it�s true, what they say�I�m FUCKED; I failed the most important test today!!
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The first breath is taken, a new life has begun
Two with so many mistakes put all their best into one.
Your tiny fingers and toes, This feeling that only a Parent knows.
I would give my last breath to make sure you had your first.
I would give the last drop of water to make sure you didn't thirst.
You gave me love when no other would dare to try.
You were my first happy reason to cry.
You look at me as though I could do no wrong.
I cry as you sleep and I sing you a song.
A lulliby I have sang for months as you grew inside
I watch you take wobbly steps and I am bursting with pride.
This tiny person who depends on me, This tiny person
only knows love for me, my flaws your loving eyes can't see.
My tears fall for I am affraid, can I be what you need.
PUSH.....
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I watch you kick your feet,you are so happy you can swing on your own.
Oh my god how fast you have grown. This day will be our last for awhile. I must go. Daddy will keep you safe I just know. He loves you as much as I do. But don't worry my baby I will be back for you. Tears fall I can't see the street I can't look back at you so I stare at my feet. The feet that were passed on to you. I just have some things I have to do. How do I make you understand that this person you see with no flaw has become sick in a different way. No baby Mommy isn't bleeding and a band-aid won't make my boo boo better. My heart is shattered as my eyes get wetter and wetter. How do I explain that I can't give you what you need, how do I tell you that not all boo boo's bleed. I give you my heart as I turn to go. I don't think my heart could take another blow. I tell your Daddy as I leave to make sure to tell you every day that Mommy loves you finishing up with a hug and a kiss, and to please send me alot of pictures so I can see what I miss.
Months turns to years, I can't tell you of all the tears.
I have failed you I feel, this pain is too real.
I have nothing to offer so I make the only choice I can.
I know your Dad takes care of you but it doesn't stop my heart
Everyday it bleeds for you and it breaks a little more
I think of these Babies the only people I adore
The ones who will Love me no matter what I do wrong
The ones that never give up on me, I feel like I have been gone so long.
Your tiny feet I will always remember the love I felt when they laid you in my arms.
I cryed that day because It's the love that will never die for your life I sit and I cry.
Will you ever forgive me for that day by the swing will you ever forgive me for the lulliby
I can't sing. Of course you will your love for us never fades, its an unconditional Love
that never dies. Its the only love I can not live without, if it were to go so would I.
For that Love I will take my last breath and I will die.