Death Is A Huge Curve Ball
Addiction is a very scary thing, in my thoughts anyway. I personally don't understand drug or alchohol addiction. I can't figure out how a person wants to be that out of control of themselves. The scary part is, many of them think it gives them more control, keeps them calm and focused. That idea contradicts itself. Anything that changes the way you feel physically or mentally makes you lose control.
I have had the unfortunate opportunity to find it neccessary to research drug abuse. I found myself discovering things the hard way. I have seen first hand what it does to a person and their ability to reason.
What I found made me cringe. And what other parents need to know is that it can happen to you. You need to know that your children's privacy is the last thing that you should worry about. You need to know that going through their dresser drawers, closets, behind the heater vents in their rooms, in their trash cans is part of your job, that is, if you want them to stay alive.
When I went to school, of course, there were drugs running around. Apparently, alot more than I knew. I was very naive' back then. I thought that it was only a handful of kids that did them. As I got older and have looked back on those days, I realize that it was only a handful that didn't do them.
It's really sad if you think about it. Why is it so important for kids to fit in that they will take something that they know could kill them? For one thing, they don't think they will die from it. They feel so in control over things, they can't imagine that they will get that hooked on it. Worse yet, they don't realize that you don't have to get hooked on it to die from it. I have seen kids overdose on drugs the first time that they have taken them. I have seen kids get in drug related car accidents that resulted in death. I have seen kids that have gotten injuries that will be with them for the rest of their lives because of drugs.
The death part scares me. There are many other things that can happen as a result of drug or alchohol abuse, but death is the ultimate price and many of our kids are paying that price.
Some of the other affects of drug use? Change in physical appearance with extended use. If you use drugs or alchohol extensively for a long period of time, you get ugly. There is no other way to put it. I watched a kid go from a very good looking young man with a lot of hope in his future to be something great. He got hooked on heroin.
After a few years, he now looks old, his face drawn and broken out with rashes, his body way too thin. He resembles the grim reaper. How old is he now? He is 19.
Change in attitude. Drug addicts and alchoholics very often become mean and don't really care what other people think or feel. Their only objective is to get the next fix. Stealing from their families is far from out of the question. They will steal your underwear if they can find a way to sell it so they can get their next fix.
The same young man that I described above has stolen money out of a piggy bank meant for his unborn niece, he opened his sisters Christmas present, a digital camera. He opened it up, took the camera out, wrapped the box back up and put it back under the tree. He took the camera to the pawn shop to get money for his heroin addiction. He stole his step-fathers van, tried to steal his sister's car, etc., etc..
Unplanned pregnancy. Okay, same boy. He and his girlfriend have been constantly strung out on heroin, so she ends up pregnant. They decide to keep the baby. Very admirable. However, now they have a baby they won't be able to take care of, the baby has a high chance of being born addicted to heroin. Then it's parents decide that it's time to get off the drugs. So, with the help of our Federal and Local governments,
they get on methadone. Great you say? You will find out later why it isn't so great. And did you know that the risks to the babies
are still there when the mother is on methadone?
Once again, I'll use the same person as my example. I am doing that because he is a real live person and you should understand that. I am not pulling a story out of my ear. This is a true story and one that is continuing as we speak.
Jail time. Although the court systems often lets these things go with a slap on the wrist, there comes a point where a judge will say, okay, enough chances. Kids don't realize, or care, that once they turn 18, they are an adult. As such, the consequences for our actions become more involved. No longer can you be released to the custody of your parents. Now you have to go to jail. That is what happened to this boy. I guess the camera was the last straw and his mother and step-father went to the police station to press charges against him. Don't look at them as bad parents. They are not bad parents. They lost control somewhere along the lines and I doubt that they even realized it was happening until it was too late. The best parenting that they have done in a long time was to file those charges against him. They refused to bail him out, however, his girlfriend did. That wasn't until after he spent a couple weeks there.
I stated earlier that you would find out why the Methadone treatments aren't so great. My feelings are that methadone treatments could be a very good thing, in the right setting. However, it is a dangerous substance and it shouldn't be given out as freely as it is.
This is where my personal experience comes in. December 23,1988, I gave birth to my son. It was a wonderful day for me. I had recieved the ultimate Christmas present. The whole time I was growning up, I couldn't wait until I had kids. That was the greatest thing that could happen to me. I knew parenting wasn't an easy job, I didn't know exactly how hard it could be. The birth of my son made me the mother of two. I absolutely adored my children. I love them with a love that they will not understand with the exception of knowing how they love their own children. My daughter gave birth to her beautiful daughter on June 24th, 2005.
When my son was born, I didn't know what I was in for. He gave us a heck of a time. He was stubborn, had little to no attention span. He would throw a fit over just about anything. We sought help by way of doctors, counselors and the school system. We never really were able to get control of his anger. We never really understood where it came from. But he was definitely an angry young man.
He began to smoke pot fairly early on. I noticed the difference in him and had thought he just grew out of his bad tempers. It also alarmed me and I took him for drug testing. He swore up and down he wasn't doing anything. However, he knew that once the drug test came back he was caught.
He was living with his father at the time that this happened. Later that evening, my son fessed up to his father about the fact that he had smoked pot. No punishment followed. He was free to do as he pleased.
I don't know what all went on in that house. I do know that things were out of control. I also know that if they had it to do again, his father and step-mother would change what they did. I would change what I did.
December 23, 2005. I chose to pick up my son and my granddaughter to spend some time with them. They were spending the night with me. I celebrated my son's 17th birthday with him by taking him out to dinner. We talked a lot that day, in a way that we hadn't talked in years. The day was very peaceful. I had been saying for many months that it was going to be a great Christmas because it was my Granddaughters first Christmas and it was going to be so nice to have a little one around to celebrate with.
December 24, 2005. In the afternoon, I dropped my granddaughter and son off at their respective homes. I then went back home to take a little nap. Having a little one around is wonderful, but she doesn't sleep very long :-) Later that evening I went to my mother's house. My brother was there and we talked about old times and things like that. I had thought about having a beer while I was there, but then thought about the drive home. I didn't chance it and left her house completely sober.
My boyfriend had flown out to Florida for the holidays to be with his family. I had the whole house to myself, so I turned on my music and just kicked back for a while. However, exhaustion from a night with my granddaughter soon took over and I headed to bed.
I fell asleep pretty fast, it was a hard sleep too. I woke up to the sound of my daughter's voice on my nextel walkie-talkie. Mom, Mom, wake-up, Mom, Mom. It took me a second to wake up enough to know that she was trying to call me. I even almost thought that I wouldn't answer it, I would call her back in the morning. However, when I realized how late it was, I thought that I should answer.
I said "Hey" into the walkie-talkie. "Mom, Little Jenn just found Jeff passed out and purple in front of the computer, I don't know anything else" I told her I would be there as soon as I could. It's a half hour drive to where my son lived at the time. I called my boyfriend to let him know what was going on, getting dressed at the same time.
I got in the car and headed down the road, but I felt that he had died. I knew it. I begged God at that point. For the first time in my life, I didn't try to cut a deal with him. I simply begged for my son's life. "Please God, don't take my son, please don't take my son, you know I can't handle that, don't you remember how I was when Jason died?"
Jason was my ex-fiance's son. He was killed in a car accident in May 2000. The day before had been very peaceful for his father and me. A peace as we have not known in the past.
As soon as I said that about Jason dying, I then remembered that Jeff and I had had such a wonderful day that had ended just hours before. Then super tears rolled down my face. "God, please don't let that be why we had such a good day yesterday. Please give him another chance." Then my thoughts changed over and I started screaming out to Jeff. "Don't you leave me, you come back here right now. Do you understand me, you aren't done here yet!"
I slowed the car down. I was only going about 10 miles per hour. A peace then came over me that I cannot describe to you. The tears stopped and I wasn't sure if this came from the fact that he was gone and that it was over, or if it was because God was letting me know everything was okay.
Just seconds after I slowed the car down, my phone beeped. "Mom" "Yes?" "Mom, Jeff was dead when the paramedics got there." She paused for a moment and I couldn't bring myself to respond to her. "But they brought him back. He's going to be alright, be careful driving down here." "I will"
There are no words to describe how thankful I am to God for bringing my son back to me. There are no words to describe the feelings that overwhelmed me at that very moment in time.
When I reached the emergency room and saw my son laying there strung out, all I could do was yell at him. "Flatlined. Don't ever forget those words, I want those words to haunt you for the rest of your life. Because that is what you did. Flatlined" "I don't want to hear it mom, I know I messed up. I don't want to hear it" "You are going to hear it, you are going to hear it a lot. What the hell were you thinking?" Anger consumed me. I knew now that he had overdosed on methadone.
I did not know how he got a hold of it and I wanted to know.
That is the end of the first part of this story. But remember that it isn't fiction. It is a very real look at a family that has been caused more than a great deal of stress due to drug abuse. Please, don't stop reading here.
Click here to continue the story.
