GAY HOCKEY

Thats right people. GAY HOCKEY! Now Iknow it might sound like a good one for the list of oxymorons, however, I, (and alot of other men and women), would have to disagree. I will give you that ICE HOCKEY is probably not one of the FIRST things that comes to ones mine when thinking about gay people. Id bet that MOST people conjure up images of Dragqueens, Transvestites, Gay Discos' haircuts -n- attitude queens prnacing up and down 17th street (or whatever street that may happen to be the center of they gay mecca in your city) with thier cell phones to ears chatting away, exadderatedly flailing thier wrists around while discussing the lastest gossip, or what outfit to wear to the next big Circuit Party.

Well, I've got news for ya. It takes all kinds to make this nutty world we live in go round. Yes, the typical stereotyps of Gay men and Lesbians are true to an extent, and sometimes to quite good sized extent. However, I have found that the same is VERY TRUE, in the opposite direction. In fact, it appears to me to be in quite a larger degree. While every person has thier place in any given community, and brings valuable things to that community, there are just some things that no one ever really things about. Weather its becase they just dont get associated together with being Gay,, or because a larger portion of society in general doesnt want to think about the possability that people such as Gay athletes REALLY DO exiist, I am unsure. But i can tell you that we REALLY are EVERYWHERE. Through the ranks, from amature teenage sports all the way up to adult professional sports, Gay athelets are everywhere. We are however, in large part invisible. At least we have been until recent years. Gay athelets are still VERY VERY rare in professional sports, as it is simply just not discussed. There have been a few brave men and women however that have broken the silence, and revealed who they were to the wolrd. But most opt to remain silent.

Sports at any level, are not something genereally associated with Gay men and Lesbians, at any level. Not even by most Gay people! But the reality is, that there are quite a large number of Gay athletes out there. I am but just one. When you take into account the fact that I play for a Gay Ice Hockey orgnasation here in Washington, the number increases, by about 30 people, give or take a few. On top of that we have the Gay Ice Hockey Tournaments that we attened around the U.S. and Canada a few times a year. There can be anywhere from 3 to upwards of 15 or more different teams, representing 6, sometimes 8 or more different cities accros North America. Now the numver DRAMATICALLY increses, and were still just talking about Ice Hockey! When you add in all the other various sports, such as, Baseball, Basketball, Rugby, Volleyball, Swimming, Football, Soccer, etc. the figures climb to amazing height! WHO KNEW!:! And this is just the number of Gay people that openly participate,and compete in Gay athletics. There are still so many countless others who remain silent, for whatever reason. Even more proof that Gay athletes, and Gay people , really are EVERYWHERE!

I began playing Ice Hockey around the age of 12. My mother had bought herself, my father, and me, tickets to a CAP'S game for Valentines day. I velieve the year was 1983. I will NEVER forget that night. It was against the Philadelphia Flyers. I remember everything about the game. The pregame skate, the smell of popcorn, and the very thick feeling of tension in the air. Back then, The Cap's played at the Capital Centre, in Landover, MD. The 18.130 seat arean was SOLD OUT. It was however, about 65 percent Flyers fans! I remember the first goal the Caps scored, and the rush from everyone juping to their feet in frenzy. And the NOISE! WOW! I think that was one of the loudest things I have EVER heard. I believe the Cap's won that game 4 to 3. Ill have to check on that. By the time we were leaving the arean, I had talked my father into buying me my first ever pair of Hockey skates. I was on the ice that weekend, and playing beginner Hockey withing a few weeks. I was hooked. I played all through High School, all the way up to junior A. At age 21, it became apparnet to me that I would be nothing more than a good, competative adult ice hockey player, not a professional one. So with the costs rising, and my freetime dwindling, it was with some foreboding that i decided to hang up the skates. At least for a while.

I first discovered that I was Gay at a rather young age. I was 13. I had known something was alittle different about myself all along, but I never really gave it much thought. When i started to mature, still had no real clue. I just thought i wanted to be very close, or best freinds with some of the other boys at school. Then one day, it hit me like a mack truck. My exact thought was "OH MY GOD! IM ONE OF THEM! IM A FAG! A HOMO! It was to this day, the most personally profound, and life changing self revelation that i have EVER had. I remember feeling awful. I wanted so desperately to change. It was then i realised that the faggots I so readily joined in taunting and telling jokes about in school, were that way NOT BY CHOICE, but by nature. I watned so desperately to be "normal". I felt as though I were defective, and that there was somthing dreadfully wrong with me. That i was bad, evil, and did not belong to the world. The feeling i remember the most was the increible feeling, of sheer and utter lonliness. I really thought I was the ONLY one. But that very very slowly begain to change over the course of my adolescence.

I never really thought much about what or who I was in terms of Ice Hockey. I just simply had a FIRE, a PASSON, and TOTAL love of the game. I think the only time I truely didnt think about any of my sexuality issues, was on the ice. It was the ONE thing that I did, that nothing else mattered but being a part of the team, and playing the game as best as I could for my team, and ultimately, tryingn to win. My family and I became VERY involved in my Hockey. A large number of my friends played on my team, or for the same club, and most of the freinds that didnt, were very closely tied to hockey through freinds, and as fans.. In retrospect, I guess Hockey was the one place, were nothing else mattered, and it was the ONE thing I had, that would NEVER leave me, hate me, or judge me for who I turned out to be. It was a very LARGE part of my life, right up until just before I tunred 21. Then I stopped.

By age 21, I was pretty well adjusted with who I had turned out to be. I had come out to my family and freinds at my High School graduation. I had a large number of gay friends, as well as straight and bisexual. I was living the life of a young gay man in a big city with ALOT of things to offer gay people. I really didnt think too much about hockey at that point anymore. I wasnt going pro, and I had a whole world to discover, and a lifetime of fun and experiencing to be had. I was just living my life for the GAY me

I had never thought much about the fact that I was gay, and I played Ice Hockey. That is unti age 24. It was gay pride 95 I believe, when I had noticed an ad in the Washington Blade for adult gay Ice Hockey Players. At the time, I really didnt give it much tought. I was VERY skeptical about it, and was also very afraid. Im not sure exctly why. I was VERY curious, and wanted to check it out, but for some reason, I decided to just ignore it for the time being. Then I began seeing a few guys skating around with Hockey jerseys, and sticks in the Gay Pride parade. My curiosity grew ever so slightly each time I saw anything that had to do with gay Ice Hcokey players. I thought to myself, that this couldnt exist. There were no gay Hockey Players. I played ice hockey for 9 years and never met one! But then I started to think. I remembered a few people I had come acrross in my summer sojurns to far upstate NY for Hockey camp, and for the first time, I began to think of Ice Hockey, and gay people together, and I thought, well, maybe there really ARE others out there. Anythings possible.

By 1996, the age of the Internet was getting into full swing. AOL and IRC (Internet Relay Chat) Were the most popular things since the compact disc, and the Apple IIc and things were getting pretty fancy on everyones computer screen. I whole new world was being forged. Right down to certain words. languages, slang, ettiquette, and even emoticons! =o) (sorry i had to) It was through the internet where I had made my first true, gay Hockey Contact. To be exact, it was on AOL. It was a Winter night, not too long from the holidays. I was messing around on the net, and playing in a chat room, when I recieved a rather ODD Instant Message (IM) from someone. I had a conversation with this man, mainly about his lover, and how I should meet him becasue he playes Hockey. i was somewhat skeptical at first, but he turned the computer over to his partner, and we began to chat. It was that night where I learned about the D.C. Nationals Hockey Club, and made my descesion to check it out. The person on the other computer chatting with me was Ernie Harris. We exchaged numbers, and chatted a bit. And finally met for lunch. He talked me into comign to one of the practices back in i believe it was 1997, and the rest is history. Ive played for the D.C. Nationals pretty much ever since. And its been alot different than I had ever thought playing hockey with a bunch of other gay guys would be. Well.. this being a work in progress... its un-proofread.. and unedited for the most part. Keep checking back as there will be quite a bit more added in the near future. This is only the beginning!