| Yada Yada Yada All I'm Saying Is... These cruddy Ohio Valley allergies are nothing to sneeze at ___________________________________________________________________________________ I can't sleep. It's almost 2:30 on a Tuesday morning, and I'm wide awake. Usually, being up this late isn't that big of a deal; after all, I am a standup comedian who works well into the morning hours. However, on this given night, I'm sick with allergies. As a result, I'm hopped up on cough medicine and Benadryl. There is nothing worse than actually wanting to go to sleep and not being able to. Not only is there nothing to do in Kentuckiana at this hour, but even if there were, I'm not supposed to be operating any heavy machinery or motor vehicles. (Although, with the codeine buzz I have going, headbanging at Phoenix Hill sounds kind of fun.) Unfortunately, there is no end in the near future. I'm taking all the medicine and drinking all the fluids that I'm supposed to, but alas, I'm suffering from the "Ohio Valley Crud." There are many in the Louisville metro area who share my anguish. My sympathies go out to each and every one of you! Non-allergy sufferers simply do not understand what it's like to live practically every day with the sore throats, stuffy noses and watery eyes that plague our existence. They're too busy enjoying the simple things in life ... like breathing. Earlier today, I was helping mow a friend's yard. While others laughed and frolicked through the newly mown grass, I was trying not to choke to death on all the horrible molds and pollens in the air. I even tried using one of those facemasks like surgeons use, but to no avail. According to some high school kids passing by, the mask, along with my exposed winter-white skin, apparently made me look like Michael Jackson. Of course, I told them to beat it. (Pun intended.) The good news in all of this is that my cough has gone away thanks to the prescription medicine I'm using. The warnings on the medicine bottle are quite frightening. "May cause blurry vision, dizziness, and in rare cases, diarrhea." Diarrhea? How am I supposed to take four doses a day with side effects like that? I can see it now: Traffic is gridlocked on the Kennedy Bridge, when all of a sudden my head starts spinning, I can't see straight, and I find out my new Bugle Boy pants aren't so "stain resistant." But at least I won't be coughing. So to all of you who suffer through each and every day with the hideous allergies, I salute you! Be it pollens, molds or pet dander, you should all be proud that you're able to live every day feeling like a bus has hit you. And if any of you find that you're having a sleepless night ... you can call me. But not right now. I'm going back to bed. |
| This article I wrote was published on June 9, 2004 in |
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