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��������������� I was dimly aware of being in a room. A smallish room, and everything was white. At first, I wondered if I were still under anesthesia, but soon the fog that had been wrapped around my mind cleared. The room was utilitarian, to say the least� two steel-frame chairs and a similarly designed table made up most of the furniture, the rest being a nightstand next to my bed, and a few paintings of flowers on the wall. Midway up one wall, a large window covered the entire space opposite my bed, and I could see people rushing past. Doctors with charts, nurses hustling. Overall, it was quite dreary.

��������������� I was in a hospital. More specifically, I was in a hospital bed. Immediately, my mind sprang to life, throwing the questions at me faster than I could think to answer. How long had it been since the accident? Was there anything wrong with me? Was Darren all right? I continued wondering, until the door to my room opened, and a rather pleasant-looking nurse came bustling through, carrying some sort of tray. Upon seeing me, she smiled and set the tray down upon the table, and walked over to my bedside.

��������������� �Well! Nice to see that someone�s awake.� She said in a cheery tone. Why did I have the feeling that she was about to give me some bad news? I simply nodded, pulled myself into a half-sitting position. The nurse glanced down at a chart that she now held, pausing a bit before plunging into the usual questions. �How are you feeling?� �Are you in any discomfort?� I interrupted, glancing around the room. �How long has it been since you found me�?� She chuckled slightly, and pushed me back down. �You were out for quite a while, Mr. Jones. Nearly a full day!� She said it as if it were one of the most interesting things in the world.

��������������� �And, Darren?� She paused, confused by the name. �Oh, your friend?� Her brows dipped and her lips pulled back into a semi-wince. I knew it was bad. �He�s in OR right now.� Good Christ, they were operating? I proceeded to ask more about Darren, but, to my dismay, learned that she didn�t know much else. After another bit of examining, she stole a glance out the window, and motioned for the door. �If you feel up to it, you have a visitor out in the waiting room. Shall I send them in?� I couldn�t think of anyone that seemed especially bad at the moment, and nodded. She turned and disappeared out the door, returning in company a few moments later.

��������������� �Daniel!� Came the immediate cry from the spiky-haired, thickly-accented Aussie that rushed to my side. I managed a half smile and sat up again, nodding. �Yeah, that�s me.� Ben snickered ever-so-slightly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. His routine was basically the same as the nurse�s� how was I feeling, did anything hurt, the usual. He added that my family was on a flight from Australia, and would be here as quick as possible. I wondered why he kept avoiding the subject of Darren� but before I could enquire, the nurse re-entered the room.

��������������� �Mr. Jones? The doctor would like to see you� just to give a check-up. If everything looks alright, you can get dressed and be released before nightfall.� She gave a look to Ben, who shrugged and turned back to me. �Guess I�d better scram �fore the doc gets here. I�ll be in the waiting room.� He gave a casual wave before exiting. It was at that moment that I decided: He knew something I didn�t. And didn�t want to tell me what it was, though I could guess well enough.

��������������� After the check-up, the doctor explained what had happened to me during my unconsciousness. Basically, I�d gotten some glass fragments removed from my arms and legs, and had gotten scanned for head injury. There�d been none, and I�d filled out some release forms. The doctor had gone, and I�d changed back into my civilian clothes (obviously something that Ben or someone else had brought, since they weren�t blood-stained or ragged).

��������������� I stepped into the waiting room, to find that it wasn�t much more pleasant-looking than my room, and also to find only Ben sitting upon one of the rather uncomfortable looking chairs. He looked up when he heard my door close, and immediately stood. There was no mistaking the look in his eyes, now� he was definitely hiding something bad. I walked over, and stood in awkward silence for what seemed like a long moment. Finally, I managed one word. �Darren?�

��������������� Ben�s look of idle ennui faltered, his face going temporarily pale before he sank back down into his chair. �Jonesy, it�s awful� he was operated on for twelve hours straight, just recently released into intensive care. I talked to the doctors, and� and��

��������������� There were tears in Ben�s eyes. Dread was beginning to chill me� I gulped and stared him in the eye, looking for the answer to the question he knew I�d ask. �And?� Ben choked, biting his lower lip. In a hushed tone, whispered, he answered, �They don�t think he�ll make it through the night.�

��������������� I stared, jaw hanging. It wasn�t possible� I could feel my knees grow weak, and I felt myself begin to tremble. �No�� I whispered. The world around me seemed to darken. All I could sense was Darren. He had to be okay. The floor began to spin beneath my feet, and I felt myself rolling into a semi-faint. Strong arms caught me, gently eased me into one of the more comfortable armchairs.

[ Ben ]

��������������� When I saw Daniel�s reaction to the news, I knew there�d be trouble. My fears were confirmed when he flat-out lost it, shaking like a leaf and threatening to keel over. I caught him, sat him down. �Daniel?� He just stared blankly foreward, his face a mask. I shook his shoulders. �Daniel,�

��������������� He looked upwards and met my gaze, his eyes pleading. �Can we go� see him?� I nodded. Of course I�d take Daniel to go see him, though I was somewhat worried. If he fainted like that again� perhaps he should see the doctors? Re-admit himself? I really don�t know why I felt so concerned about Daniel. I should�ve realized that he�d take the news harder than I did� with a mental slap, I stepped backwards.

��������������� �If you think you can stand.� He managed a rather weary smile, through red-rimmed, moisture-lined eyes. �I think I can manage.� I turned and began walking towards the elevator. ICU was on the� fourth floor, was it? I wasn�t entirely sure. After pausing briefly to see if Daniel was following, I continued.

��������������� We took the elevator up to the fourth floor, from our location on the third, and I led him up to Darren�s room. As we turned the final corner, I held my breath. I *really* did not want to see Daniel�s reaction to the scene I knew would be presented.

[ Daniel ]

��������������� I knew that it was going to be bad�. The look in Ben�s eyes said that it was going to be worse than bad. But I had to see Darren. I couldn�t continue going on in blind faith that he�d miraculously be okay� without seeing him. I noticed that Ben kept a light grip on my arm for the duration of the walk. This worried me. Maybe you shouldn�t be doing this� I shook my head. If the doctors are right� then I may as well take the chance before it slips away.

��������������� I figured that I was ready. I�d dealt with the situation before, right? Nothing could have prepared me for what awaited me inside that room. I was stunned.

��������������� My Darren, my beautiful Darren, pale as ash� wrapped in gauze� he looked so white. Deathly. He was connected to so many monitors and gadgets� an EKG, respirator, and other things, which I couldn�t even begin to name. You look as if you�re more machine than human� I stood outside the window-panel, on the verge of tears.

��������������� His eyes were closed, and his lips (drained of color) were shaped around a tube that was inserted in his mouth, down his throat. He couldn�t even *breathe* on his own. What kind of monster are you? How could I have done this? I wanted to kiss him back to life. I wanted to undo all of it. My forehead slumped against the glass as I sobbed. My throat felt tight, my stomach was in knots. None of this should be happening�Darren, I�m so sorry�

��������������� I knew that I was crying, Ben knew that I was crying, but I didn�t care. This was going to hit everyone, but I knew their reactions would be nothing compared to the turmoil that was swarming inside of me. Sure, Darren was just as much theirs as he was mine� but this wasn�t *their* fault. It was mine. I�d done it, I�d caused it, which meant that they�d never even come close to feeling what I was.

��������������� Fresh tears poured down my cheeks in that realization, and I didn�t bother to hide the loud sobs that ripped through me each time they came. My emotions were on overload� this was just too much in too little time. My eyes drifted down to the bandage that wrapped my right eyebrow, and felt a new stab of pain. That was it�? Darren was lying in a hospital bed, ready to give in at any moment� and I had a cut on my arm? A cut?

��������������� I felt my knees begin to grow weak again, and I let out a shrill yelp as I nearly toppled over. Luckily, Ben caught me once again, though this time he didn�t sit me down. I just clung to him, arms wrapped about his shoulders and burying my face in his chest, staining his shirt with my salty tears. He didn�t seem to mind, and gently ran his fingertips over my back. �Don�t worry about Darren� he can take care of himself.�

��������������� I managed a weak smile, though it didn�t reach my eyes. �He always does, eh?� A rather pathetic attempt at humor, but� my mind was working too fast. I needed to slow down. �Yeah� he does.� Ben smiled and squeezed me lightly, tried to cheer me up. Oh, how I wished it were Darren holding me� new sobs ripped through my body, causing my grip on Ben to tighten. He chewed his bottom lip, unsure of what to say. �I can�t take this� this is all my fault, Ben� I did this. Darren�s only in there because of me.�

��������������� The guilt returned, slapped me in the face. How could I have forgotten that? I shifted in Ben�s grasp, gazing with over-glossed eyes past the window which was the only thing separating me from my Angel. I never really thought about it much before� a window seemed so frail and fragile. I could shatter it with my fist. But a window could also be the most powerful barrier in the world. I felt so helpless.

��������������� I wished with all my soul that I was on the other side of that glass.