Where You Wanted to Be?

����������� Darren clutched the steering wheel of his mother�s car tightly.� His knuckles were turning white, but that didn�t make him relax.� Butterflies were jumping around in his stomach, and he felt like he was going to be sick.� I don�t even get this nervous before a concert, Darren thought with a wry grimace.� Well, this is a bit different than a concert, isn�t it? asked the cynical voice in the back of his head.� Darren shook his head vigorously to clear it.� It was already hard to concentrate on the road.� He didn�t need the added distraction of an argument playing out in his head.� The thoughts wouldn�t go away so easily, though, so it was with great relief that Darren saw the familiar streets of his destination.

����������� Parking a block away from his final destination, Darren yet again waged an internal battle with himself.� He honestly didn�t want to get out of the car.� This was going to be hard at best, and most likely incredibly painful.� Was it really worth it?� Yes, he told himself firmly.� You know it is.� Now get out of the car.� It�s not a big deal; you�re just going to visit your old friend Daniel Jones.� No need to be nervous.

����������� �Ha!� Darren said aloud.� �Plenty reason to be nervous.� He�s probably going to slam the door the moment he sees my face.�

����������� Well, are you going to argue that you don�t deserve it?

����������� �No, but it�s not like it�s all my fault,� he argued.� �Daniel isn�t a completely innocent party in this.�

����������� True, but he�s not the one who cut all the ties.� You are.� So it�s up to you to fix it.

����������� �I know that,� Darren responded.� �It�s why I�m here.�

����������� So are you going to get out of the car or not?

����������� �I�m going, I�m going!� Darren said, unlocking the door and shoving it open.� As he stepped outside, the ludicrousness of the situation hit him suddenly, and he laughed a little hysterically.� Here he was, having an actual verbal argument with himself.� This meeting with Daniel was obviously throwing him off more than he had thought.

����������� �Darren Hayes,� he muttered softly, �You have officially gone nutters.� Oh, well, here goes nothing.�

����������� With that, Darren set off at a brisk pace down to Daniel�s door.� The pace faltered slightly as Daniel�s house came into view.� Darren bit his lower lip tightly and forced himself to keep walking.� It had taken him a year to get to this point, but now that he was here, he didn�t want to back down.� The pounding in his heart got louder and louder as Darren walked up the sidewalk.� With shaking hands, he pressed the doorbell and steeled himself to wait.� After a few moments, the happy thought that Daniel wasn�t home crossed his mind.� He was about to turn and leave when he heard noises from inside.� Darren froze as the door was pulled open and he was face to face with Daniel once again.

����������� Daniel�s green eyes widened considerably as he took in the person on his doorstep.

����������� �Darren?� he asked in disbelief.

����������� �Hi, Daniel,� Darren answered.� Daniel blinked a few times, clearly confused.

����������� �Darren, what are you doing here?� he asked.

����������� �Um,� Darren shifted uncomfortably.� The spring air had a bite to it, and the cold didn�t help the singer feel any more at ease.� �Well, I had a few days off touring, which I�m sure you knew, and um, I decided to use them to come see you.�

����������� If anything, Daniel looked even more confused.

����������� �To come see me?� he echoed.

����������� �Yeah,� Darren said.� The confusion on Daniel�s face was more than slightly painful, a reminder of the time they�d spent estranged.� �Look, I�m sorry.� You�re probably busy.� I should have called first, or something.� I can go.� It�s not a big deal.�

����������� �No, no,� Daniel said quickly, unsure why he wasn�t ready for Darren to leave but unable to let him just walk away, either.� �It�s ok.� Would you like to come in?�

����������� Daniel stood back from the door and opened it wider.� Darren nodded, throat dry, and stepped in.� He glanced around curiously, noticing the changes that had occurred in the house since the last time he�d been there.� It certainly wasn�t the place he remembered.� A line from I Don�t Know You Anymore ran through his head, but he firmly pushed it aside.� He didn�t have time to deal with the emotions that memories of the Affirmation tour brought up.� Darren needed to be in control for this conversation.� If the singer got all emotional now, he wasn�t going to be able to talk about the things the pair desperately needed to talk about.

����������� Daniel stood in the entryway of his own house, looking as uncomfortable as Darren felt.

����������� �Uh, you want something to drink?� he asked quietly.

����������� �Just water, please,� Darren requested.

����������� �Sure thing,� Daniel said, gratefully escaping into the kitchen.� He returned a few moments later carrying a beer in one hand and a glass of water with the other.� He offered the water to Darren, then inclined his head, nodding to the living room.

����������� �You wanna head in there?�

����������� �Yeah, ok.�

����������� Darren followed Daniel into the room, clutching the water glass like a lifeline.� Daniel plopped down into a chair, leaving Darren to the couch.� He sat down uncomfortably, feeling tense.� The silence between the two stretched until Darren couldn�t take it anymore.

����������� �So, is Kathleen here?�

����������� �No, she�s at work.�

����������� �Oh, yeah.� Hey, why aren�t you at work?�

�I�m doing some mixing stuff at home� for some things I still prefer my home studio to the one at the office.�

�Ahh.�� Darren paused for a moment.� �So, about Kathleen� how�re things going between you two?�

����������� �They�re good.� How�s things with that girl� Kaylie, Kylie?�

����������� �Kylie,� Darren corrected.� �We broke up.�

����������� �Oh, sorry,� Daniel said, looking incredibly uncomfortable again.

����������� �It�s ok,� Darren responded.� The silence again lengthened.� Darren shifted, unable to come up with anything more to say.� He knew he should tell Daniel what he had come there to tell him, but couldn�t make himself begin.� Instead, he stared into his water glass as if it held the secrets of the universe, hoping it would provide him with the inspiration and the courage to start talking.� Since when had he ever been short on words?

����������� Daniel was doing the same thing in his chair.� There was so much he wanted to say to Darren, things he wanted to get straight, but he couldn�t force himself to speak a word.� He took a deep gulp of his beer, wondering why Darren had come.� They had talked to each other a few times after the breakup, seen each other a few times during the Australian leg of Darren�s tour, but Darren had never seemed all that eager to talk to him.� He had seemed quite content to let things go on as they had been.� Daniel, while not exactly happy with the status quo, didn�t really want to bring up painful memories, either.� So he had let it go, and figured this would be the way things always were.� Or at least, that�s what he thought until Darren had shown up at his doorstep.

����������� The quiet in the room slowly became more and more oppressive as time went on and neither man said anything.� Darren found that as the silence continued, it became harder and harder to talk.� He tried to force his vocal cords to form the words that waited on the tip of his tongue, but to no avail.� This could have continued indefinitely, but Daniel finally tired of it.� Twisting in his chair to face Darren, he leaned in closer and looked penetratingly at the singer.

����������� �Why did you come back here, Darren?� You made it quite clear that you didn�t need or want me around.� And you�ve made it on your own just fine.� You got what you wanted; you�re where you wanted to be now.�� Daniel winced after saying that last statement.� He had heard that song, but he didn�t want Darren to know that.� He turned away, about to get up for another beer.

����������� �Am I?� Darren asked before he could stop himself, his heart leaping.� So Daniel had been paying attention to him after he went solo.� He wasn�t as indifferent as he seemed.�

Daniel stopped.� His shoulders tensed.� This was the deepest conversation they�d had since well before the breakup, and it was the first time Darren seemed anywhere close to an apology for his behavior.� Daniel waged a brief, internal debate.� If he left the room now, this conversation would be over.� He and Darren would go back to their uncomfortable, awkward conversations and interactions.� He didn�t want that.� He had missed Darren.� But he wasn�t sure he wanted to revisit the painful memories of their breakup.� Did he really want to do this?� Slowly, Daniel turned around and sat back down.

�Are you?� he asked softly.