Author's Notes: As I Lay Me Down is by Sophie B. Hawkins.
It felt like Springtime on this February morning
In a courtyard birds were singing your praise
He's gone. I don't know why or where he went, but he's gone. Tears start to stream down my face. The moment I've been waiting for is finally here, and I can't do anything about. Then, I hear a voice inside my head. It's Gil.
I'm still recalling things you said to make me feel
All right I carry them with me today now
I stop crying, and I hear it again, "Hold on." I can feel him with me. He wants me to hold on.
As I lay me down to sleep this I pray
That you will hold me dear
I don't know how much longer I can, but I will for as long as I'm able. He's coming. I know it.
Though I'm far away I'll whisper your name
Into the sky, and I will wake up happy
"You better hurry Gil", I whisper. "I don't know how much long I can do this."
I wonder why I feel so high
Though I am not above the sorrow
Till you call my name and it sounds like church bells
Or the whistle of a train on a Summer evening
Even though I can feel the life draining out of me, I am no longer afraid. I can feel him with me, and I can hear him in my head, in my heart, in my soul.
I went to meet you barefoot, barely breathing
And it is enough.
As I lay me down to sleep this I pray
That you will hold me dear
Things are starting to get more and more hazy, but I hang onto the voice in my head, urgently pleading with me to hold on.
Though I'm far away I'll whisper your name
Into the sky, and I will wake up happy
Then, I hear cars pull to a stop outside. Someone's here.
As I lay me down to sleep this I pray
That you will hold me dear
Though I'm far away I'll whisper your name
Into the sky, and I will wake up happy
"Put your hands up." I'd know that voice anywhere. Even when I'm gone, I'll know that voice. "Gil".
It's not too near for me like a flower I need the rain
Thought it's not clear to me every season has its change
There's utter silence and I begin to become afraid. What's going on?
And I will see you when the sun comes out again
Then I hear a gunshot, and I close my eyes, dread settling over me.
And I wait for and I wait for, and I wait for
When the sun comes out again
What just happened?
When the sun comes out again
Suddenly the car door opens. It takes a moment for my eyes to focus. When they do, they begin to fill with tears. He's here.
When the sun comes out, when the sun comes out
There's so much I want to tell him. I want to tell him that I knew he'd come, that even when I was sure he wouldn't in time, deep down I knew he would find me eventually. I want to tell him to take care of Lindsey, to make sure she always knows how much I loved her. I want to tell him to keep the team together, to help them through this. I want to tell him I love him and that I'm so, so sorry�
When the sun comes out again
And we gotta keep holding on
He softly strokes back my hair, "Hold on", he whispers, "Helps coming, just hold on." But I can't. It's too late now.
We gotta keep holding on, we gotta keep holding on
The world around me begins to dim, and as his face fades like the stars at dawn when they no longer have the strength to fight the sun, I force a single word out past my lips, almost like a prayer, "Gil".
I will wake up happy
TBC
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