Author�s Notes: The song I Will Remember You is by Sarah McLachlan. All other notes are in the first chapter.
I will remember you
will you remember me?
I sit in the hospital corridor, waiting for someone to give me information on Catherine. Every time the door to her room opens I�m filled with a mixture of hope and dread. I want so badly to hear that she�s going to be alright, but at the same time, I can�t help but expect them to say they lost her. I look at the little girl curled up in the chair next to me. Lindsey finally cried herself to sleep about ten minutes ago.
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories
I lean back my head and close my eyes, as the scene I walked in on this morning flashes behind my closed lids. Yesterday was her day off and I came by after my shift was over to see if she wanted to go grab something to eat. When I got to the house, the door was open, and I panicked. I don�t know what I expected to find, but it certainly wasn�t Catherine lying on her face with a bloody face and a pill bottle clutched in her hand. I open my eyes and sit forward, putting my face in my hands as I remember Lindsey coming in as the paramedics worked on Catherine. I hadn�t even realized she was home. I struggle not to cry as I look once again at Lindsey, asleep with her head in my lap. How could she leave her like this?
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
I continue to sit, angry as hell. I�m angry at Catherine, how could a mother voluntarily leave their child like this? I�m angry at Eddie, the bruises on her face are undoubtedly from him, he drove her to this. But most of all, I�m angry at myself. I should have known something was wrong, I should have said something the first time I noticed the bruises, but instead I hid away, pretending everything was alright.
how clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
When I first met Cath, she was so alive. It was her first day at the crime lab and she was so excited to be finally doing her dream. She told me how she wanted to be something her daughter could be proud of. I told her she already was.
I will remember you
will you remember me?
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories
As the memory haunts me, I can�t help the sob that escapes from my throat. It wakes Lindsey and she sits up, looking at me. I try my hardest to stop the crying, I can�t let her see me like this, I need to be strong. But I can�t. Tears come back to Lindsey�s eyes as she wraps her arms around me, both of us crying together.
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
standin' on the edge of something much too deep
When Lindsey is once again asleep, I try to do the same, but it�s impossible. There still hasn�t been any news on Catherine. What will I do if she dies? She�s come to mean so much to me in the last few years. I look at Lindsey. What will she do if Catherine dies? Eddie doesn�t even know what happened yet. According to Warrick, he hasn�t returned home. Lindsey deserves more than this.
it's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
we are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
I hear voices mention Catherine�s name and my head snaps up, maybe they finally have news. Instead, I see Warrick approach me. He shakes his head at my questioning look. Still no Eddie. There�s so much I want to say as Warrick takes the seat on the other side of Lindsey, but I can�t bring myself to. Instead the words burn the back of my throat and tear at my soul.
but I will remember you
will you remember me?
Finally, the doctor comes by and motions me to come with him. Without a word, Warrick moves Lindsey over to his lap so that I can follow the doctor. He tells me that they got the pills out of Cath�s stomach, but she�s currently in a coma. They don�t know when she�ll come out of it, if she ever does. I hear him tell me that in situations like this, the patient�s will to live can sometimes be the deciding factor. He doesn�t have to tell me what that means.
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories
I walk back to where Warrick and Lindsey are. I somehow manage to keep my voice even as I tell Warrick what the doctor said. As he too struggles with his composure, he says he�s gonna call the rest of the team. They�re all waiting on news.
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once again alone with Lindsey, I begin to silently pray. I haven�t prayed in years, I�m not even sure if I still believe there is someone who will hear me, but I have to. I can�t lose her, not like this. She means everything to me, and she can�t die until she knows that.
once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
you gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
As I silently plead with God, I remember just how much she�s changed my life. Despite all that she�s been through, she�s always had such an optimism about her. And slowly, it�s rubbed off on me, although I haven�t always let it show.
And I will remember you
will you remember me?
My head snaps up as the unmistakable sound of a heart monitor flat-lining goes off. I watch in horror as doctors and nurses rush into Catherine�s room.
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories
And I will remember you...
I hang my head and cry. God�s not listening.
Weep not for the memories
TBC
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