Author�s Notes: I forgot to mention earlier that this story will be in six parts. The song Almost Home is by Beth Nielsen Chapman. All other notes are in part one.
I saw my life this morning
Lying at the bottom of a drawer
All this stuff I'm saving
God knows what this junk is for
And whatever I believed in
This is all I have to show
About a week ago, I was cleaning out my closet. In the back of it, I found some of my old clothes, from before, from when I was a dancer and a drug addict. As I remembered how much of my life I had spent as that person, it struck me as terribly sad.
What the hell were all reasons
For holding on for such dear life
Here's where I let go
I managed to change my life, somewhat. I had a great daughter, a job I actually liked, and I found a friend in Gil Grissom. Sometimes, I could even pretend that it was enough, that life was good. That was, until the next time Ed came home drunk. It just became too hard to hold on. I�m done now.
I'm not running
I'm not hiding
I'm not reaching
I can hear people conversing, but I can�t really make out what their saying. Something about a coma, I think. Are they talking about me? I always heard that people in comas could hear what was going on around them.
I'm just resting in the arms of the great wide open
Gonna pull my soul in
And I'm almost home
Guess this means the pills didn�t work all the way. Grissom must have found me too quickly. Damn him! Why couldn�t he just let me go? All I want is to go home.
I saw you this morning
You were looking straight at me
From an ancient photograph
Stuck between letters and some keys
When I was cleaning out my closet, I found something else as well. It was an old picture tucked away in a shoe box I had buried in the back years ago.
I was lost just for a moment
In the ache of old goodbyes
Sometimes all that we can know is
There's no such thing as no regrets
I was just a kid in the picture, right around Lindsey�s age. I was struck by how happy I looked. It was a time when everything was going good in life and I was truly content with my life thus far. Then there was the shouting, and the night my mom �fell� down the steps. And everything shattered.
Baby it's all right
I won�t put Lindsey through that. I won�t make her live with the knowledge for the rest of her life that her father killed her mother. It�s much better that I killed myself. Let me be the bad guy. Anything to spare her the pain I felt then, all those years ago.
I'm not running
I'm not hiding
I'm not reaching
It�s better this way.
I'm just resting in the arms of the great wide open
Gonna pull my soul in
And I'm almost home
I�m so tired. I just want to sleep. I just want to drift away�
There's no such thing as no regrets
But baby it's alright
I hear voices again. I don�t recognize one of them, but I�d know the other one anywhere. Grissom. This will be hard on him. I�m so sorry Gil. Please don�t blame yourself�
I'm not running
I'm not hiding
I'm not reaching
It really is better this way.
I'm just resting in the arms of the great wide open
I�m so, so tired. I hear the voices fade farther and farther away.
Gonna pull my soul in
Far, far away, I hear a high-pitched beep sound. I�m coming home mom.
And I'm almost home
TBC
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