Author�s Notes: The song is called I Don�t Know. All other notes are in the first chapter.
I�m now sitting alone in the hallway. Warrick finally got a hold of Catherine�s sister. She came and took Lindsey home with her. I promised to call as soon as I learned anything new. Cath�s heart stopped about an hour ago, but they were able to get her back.
A mountain of stone, a door of steel
Can't stand in my way, I'd go on
Finally, I�ve had enough of sitting and waiting. I want to see her. There�s no telling when or if her heart will stop again. There are things I need to tell her before it�s too late. If it�s not already. Please, Lord, let it not be too late. Let her still be able to hear me.
Brutal machines, unbending laws
Can't slow me down, I'd go on
I make my way to her room, but her doctor stops me, �You can�t go in there.�
�I need to talk to her.�
�She�s not allowed to have visitors except for family. You�re not family.�
�Her only family is her seven year old daughter! She can�t go in there! Catherine needs someone in there with her.�
�What about her husband?�
�You mean the source of the bruises on her face?�
I've learned how to deal and when to fight
I know what's real, I know what's right
The doctor looks at me. I can tell he�s wavering. Please let me in, I plead silently. Finally, he nods his head, �Okay. But only for fifteen minutes. Then you have to leave. No arguments.�
I want more time, but I know that to ask for it would be a losing battle. Instead, I nod my thanks and head into her room.
I'm not afraid, a wounded dove
I can be tender in a world so tough
I enter her room and am immediately struck by how small and frail she looks on the hospital bed. There�s no color at all to her skin except for the vivid purple bruises on her face. I slowly approach the hospital bed and carefully take her hand before leaning down to brush a gentle kiss on the cheek that�s unbruised.
I'm sure I could face the bitter cold
But life without you, I don't know
As I look at her, tears begin to fill my eyes. She can�t die. What would I do then? I�ve forgotten how to live without her in my life.
The winds of the heart can blow me down
But I get right up and I stand my ground
I�ve always been at home in silence, I guess growing up with a deaf mother had something to do with it. But I know Catherine�s always hated silence, she�s always needed to have noise and chatter. If she were conscious right now, the utter stillness of this room would drive her insane. I need to break the quiet. Right now, it�s the only thing I can do for her. �Lindsey keeps asking when you�re going to wake up�. My voice breaks as I continue in a whisper, �all I can tell her is I don�t know.�
I've tasted fear, my share of pain
The wasted tears of love in vain
I've held you tight, pushed you away
Now with all my might I beg you to stay
�Catherine, you�ve got to wake up. Lindsey�s so afraid right now.� I look at her. Even now, I can�t tell her that I�m afraid too, that I need her too. I�m just not strong enough. I just can�t ask her to stay. Instead, I silently plead with everything in my soul for God to let her live.
I'm sure I could face the bitter cold
But life without you, I don't know
�You know, the whole lab�s waiting for word about you. Warrick says even Ecklie�s worried. I didn�t know he was capable of feeling. You�ve got to wake up Cath, the lab needs you and so does Lindsey. Your daughter needs you Catherine.� So do I, I silently add, so do I.
I know what I want, I know what I need
But there's just one thing I must believe
Deep in the night by a dying flame
You will be there when I call your name
Finally, the words rush out of my mouth in a tumbled, incoherent stream, �I need you too Catherine. I don�t know when exactly, but somewhere along the way I�ve come to depend on you. You�re vital to who I am. It frightens me really, to find that I need someone as much as I need you, but I do. You can�t die Cath, I need you.�
I'm sure I could face the bitter cold
But life without you, I don't know
As I finish, the doctor pokes his head into the room, signaling it�s time for me to leave. I nod, then turn around, and bend to place another kiss on her cheek. As I do, I whisper my final plea to her, �Live, please�.
I don't know
I don't know
After I exit the room, I sit back into my chair and drop my head into my hands. I�ve done all I can do for her now. I just don�t know what I will do if it�s not enough.
I don't know
I don't know
TBC
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