Author�s Notes: This chapter covers the same events as chapter one, just in Grissom�s POV. If You�re Gone is by Matchbox 20. All other notes and stuff are in the first chapter.
I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
Catherine and I are sitting in my office. I�m pretending to do some paperwork, but really I�m waiting for her to get tired of the silence. I know she will, she always does. Although I�m anticipating it just to get it over with, I�m also dreading it. We�ve been drifting farther and farther apart, and I know it�s my fault. I know that eventually it will just be too much, and she�ll be gone.
I think I'm finally scared now
�Gil��
I look up. She�s gotten tired of trying to out-wait the silence, �Don�t start, Catherine.� I see the look on her face and know that the moment has arrived.
You think I'm weak - But I think you're wrong
I watch her face as she struggles to fight with her emotions, a battle I know she will lose. She thinks that I�m keeping a secret from her because I�m afraid to tell her, to let anyone in. And she�s right, in a way. I am keeping a secret and it is because I�m afraid to tell her, but it�s to protect her, it�s for her own good.
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I see in her face the exact moment when she loses the battle with her emotions. She shoots out of her seat, "Don't start?! Well tell me Grissom, when exactly can I start? You've been like this for months, trapped in your own little shell, what the hell's going on?!"
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed I can't be sure
I�ve always thought of my office as a sanctuary, but in this moment it becomes a war zone. "Cath, it's complicated��
She doesn�t let me finish, "Everything's always been complicated with us, and that's never stopped you from talking to me before."
I know she�s right, but that doesn�t change the fact that this time it�s just all too much. I try again, begging for her to understand, �I can't��
I have never seen the look that is now on her face, and it makes my blood run cold. I dread to hear the words that come out of her mouth, but I do, and they ring in my ears for what seems like an eternity, "Yeah, well when you can, come find me. Until then, you can just go to hell."
I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
And she�s gone. And there is nothing I can do to bring her back.
I think I'm just scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing
I sit in silence after she leaves. I knew that eventually it would come to this, that eventually I would lose her over this. But there�s nothing I can do about it. I have to protect her.
If you're gone maybe it's time to come home
I wait for her to come back, sure that eventually she�ll come back, like she always does. But this time, she doesn�t. Finally, I can�t stand to be in my office anymore and I gather my things and leave.
There's an awful lot of breathing room
I take a deep breath as I reach the parking lot and head towards my car. Without Catherine there, the walls of my office had seemed to be closing in on me.
But I can hardly move
�Gil!� I turn around at the sound of my name, then freeze when I see Catherine coming towards me. She had come back after all, but I can�t seem to move, or think, or even breathe. She stops as well, and we stand there, staring at each other, neither one having the courage to voice all that needs to be said.
If you're gone baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something in me
In everything in you
I wait for her to say something, but I know she won�t. We�ve gotten good at these waiting games over the years, trying to see who�ll break first. Finally, I turn around and get into the car. I�m done playing our game.
I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the moon just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need more than you mind
As I drive away, I watch Catherine out of my rearview mirror, and I see Warrick go over to check on her. I watch as she shakes his hand off her shoulder and walks away. It seems like we�re always walking away now. It�s so much easier than talking.
I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need this in my life
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much
I hear a knock at my door and curse under my breath. I know it�s Cath. Why can�t she just leave me alone? Doesn�t she know it breaks my heart everytime she walks away? Almost against my will, I open the door and let her in.
I can't relate and that's a problem
I'm feeling
As we stand in the living room, I fight to keep my emotions off my face. I succeed in doing so just as she turns to me, �Gil��
If you're gone maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
And the words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Cath, don't," I pause to keep my voice from breaking, "just, don't, okay?" Time seems to stand still and I swear I stop breathing as I wait for her answer.
If you're gone baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something in me
In everything in you
She nods, then leaves. And she never looks back.
I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - do I talk too much
I know it's wrong it's a problem I'm dealing.
TBC
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