Author's Notes: The song is called Once Upon a December. All other notes and stuff are in the first chapter.
When I finally stop crying, I start the car back up and head home. When I reach it, I immediately go upstairs and crawl into bed, pulling the blanket up to my chin and feeling miserable. How could he not believe me? I believed him. I have always believed him.
Dancing bears,
Painted wings
Things I almost remember
I don't really remember much about when I attempted suicide. I remember being scared, and I slightly remember the pain, but other than that...nothing.
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December
A couple of months after it happened, I talked to Lindsey about it, letting her vent her fears and frustrations over the event. She doesn't seem to remember all that much either. Gil and I never talk about it. It's one of the many topics that remains silent between us. I had never thought about it before now, but I wonder how much he remembers.
Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through a silver storm
After I woke up, I remember Gil being there the entire time. He took the week off work and stayed with me. The only time he left was to go pick up Lindsey so she could visit too. In the entire time I was at the hospital, I never saw Eddie. Not once.
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...
He looked so tired today, when I yelled at him. In all the years I've known him, I've never seen him so tired. It hurts me that I'm probably the reason why he looks that way.
Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through a silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory...
He has never given me a reason not to believe him, not to trust him. He has never betrayed that trust.
Far away, long ago
Glowing dim as an ember,
Things my heart used to know,
Things it yearns to remember...
I always figured that I was the only one who received lasting effects of my failed suicide attempt. Lindsey was clingy for awhile, but she seems to be fine for the most part now, and of course Eddie didn't really care all that much. But maybe, I'm not the only one who had a piece of me die that day, I'm not the only one who is haunted by my moment of weakness. I'm not the only survivor. I hurry out of bed and pull on my shoes, then run down the stairs and out the door.
And a song someone sings
I reach Grissom's door and stop. Suddenly, I'm scared to death to knock. After the way I acted before, he would have every right to turn me away. Frustrated, I try to wipe away the tears that are once again running down my face. Finally, I give up and ring the doorbell. He opens the door and is obviously surprised to see me again. I lift up my head and can feel the tears begin to run into my hair, "I'm sorry".
Once upon a December
TBC
Back to Home
Back to CSI
Back to Choices
Back to Choices Regretted