RELEASE DATE: 1973
RATED: PG
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
Michael Crichton (yes the man who brought us another f*cked up amusement park years later in the form of Jurassic Park) offers up this fun movie about two guys taking the vacation of a lifetime. Peter and John are heading out to Westworld which is part of a chain of amusement parks owned by the company Delos. Also part of the fun is Medievilworld and Romeworld. Everything is completely authentic and you can actually blow away the life like animatronics if you choose to. F*cking Awesome!
In a 'who gives a sh*t' subplot, we learn that Peter just divorced his wife and is in Westworld to chill for a few weeks or something. Peter and John get into Westworld via hovercraft and get equiped with all the western gear they need. Boots, hats, and a gun equiped with a heat sensor that only fires at animatronics. Once again... F*cking Awesome!
Well anyhow, across the other worlds people are enjoying their wenches in Medievilworld and their tunics in Romeworld. However, behind the scenes an elite group of computer nerds keep the show going at all times. They control the machines and make sure that they do not hurt the guests. However, they start to notice major programing problems that have fluctuated over the past couple month. Gee I wonder if this is going to lead somewhere.
Peter and John head off to the saloon and meet up with Yul Brynner as the dark outfitted Gunslinger. Peter grows a pair quickly in Westworld and pops a couple holes in the rude Gunslinger. After a freaky round with robot whores that evening, John finds himself at the end of the Gunslinger's piece the next morning. Peter busts in from his bath just in time to blow the gunslinger out the window.
Well after a whole bunch of wild west hootanany, an animatronic rattlesnake bites John in the arm. This freaks out the programmers because no guest should ever get attacked by the attractions. However, things go down hill quickly for the parks. A robot wench refuses a guest's seduction (b*tch) and all hell starts to break loose when a guest in Medievilworld gets run in by a robot's sward.
The Gunslinger returns to Westworld except this time, he actually shoots and kills John. Peter runs into the desert with the Gunslinger in tow. All over in the worlds people are getting killed off and the programmers find themselves locked into their room losing oxygen. Peter eventually makes it to the other worlds and stalls the Gunslinger by supplying him with a face full of acid.
Eventually, Peter ends up in Medevilworld and finds out the robot's point of view is very much like The Predator. While the Gunslinger is distracted by a torch, Peter sets him ablaze which eventually kills off the Gunslinger once and for all.
Yes this movie is not much on the plot side but at least it offers up a world that many people (ok...mostly guys) would find b*tchin. I'd take this place over Frontierland any day...malfunction or not.
1.) Whoa There - Usually I wouldn't list people getting gunned down in this section unless it was something superb. These were done in slow f*cking motion man...sorry...once again...F*cking Awesome!
1.) The Gunslinger - He is one bad, rootin', tootin' feller...if we could just do something about that Activision sight problem of his, he'd be even more bad ass.
2.) The Other Robots - These folks are meant to do everyone good but malfunction and cause tons of problems. They are like Microsoft Windows but with legs.
