TITLE: They Saved Hitler's Brain

RELEASE DATE: 1963

RATED: Unrated On TV

REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
THE PLOT: Very few times can a movie leave me silent at the end.  I mean it takes a lot for me to get shocked at how lousy a film is from beginning to end.  Thanks to the Third Reich in this film, we have a new reason to hate the Nazis. 

Where or where to begin...let me take a breath...ok.   We start with a shot of the El Camino Technological Institute Chemical Division.  My first thought is this where they research the ultimate white trash car put out by Chevy.  However, the place holds a much darker secret.  A fellow inside named Dr. Bernard takes some stuff out of a safe and informs someone over the phone he is on the way with the formula.  Unfortunately for Bernard, two guys I like to call the Blues Brother Assassins are outside waiting for him.  They planted a car bomb which kills him off. 

Meanwhile over at the CID Headquarters...wait a minute...CID.  Wouldn't that be the third step down from the CIA?  Well anyhow this fellow named Russ meets with Steve Perry from Journey.  Well actually the guy's name is Vic and he is told about Bernard's death.  The topic of G-Gas comes up in the conversation and how Bernard was working on the antidote for it.  He was helping a fellow named Dr. Coleman in his research.  The actual formula was on him when he was blown up.  Vic is sent out to investigate the death of Bernard and assigned a partner named Tony.  After he leaves, Russ gets a phone call from someone in Mandoras, South America.  You know Mandoras...that country down there...um...somewhere...oh f*cking forget it.  He lets the person know that Coleman knows of the antidote for G-Gas.

Later that day, Tony shows up at Vic's residence. By the way for those of you who have seen this...punch buggy white no punch backs.   Vic is amazed that Tony is actually a Toni aka a woman agent...gasp!  Well the two sexually banter away and the way to common topic of rumored Nazis in South American mining projects come up.  After all this crap they head out to talk to Bernard's associates but this reveals nothing. 

Meanwhile in another part of town, Dr. Coleman is lecturing a few guys on the effects of G-Gas.  Apparently it is destructive and there is only one antidote.  Outside the meeting, a Juan Valdez looking guy is trying to get in to talk to Coleman.  He flees when Coleman's assistant Frank shows up.  Coleman introduces Frank to his son in law Phil who was at the meeting.  He gets a call and rushes to his daughter Suzanne's place.  He finds her beau David on the floor unconscious who mentions something about getting beaten up and Suzanne taken away.

The next day, The Blues Brother Assassins abduct Dr. Coleman under the watchful eye of Toni.  However, I am thinking it is supposed to be during the night rather the day.  I mean there are crickets in the background but yet, the sun is out?  Well maybe they are the day shift crickets...it has to be day time and thats final.  Toni follows the abductors to a hideout where they drug Dr. Coleman.  Toni sneaks around back and is seen by the Blues Brother Assassins.  She runs away which gives way to a thrilling chase scene.  Cue the bass driven chase music mutha f*ckas. 

The Blues Brother Assassins screech off backwards into a three point turn.  Then oddly, their car makes the same screech noise when it takes off. Oddly this screech sound is more than likely caused when jamming on the brakes rather than peeling out.  Hmmm...best get those radials checked out.  Toni gets on the horn with Vic who is asleep.  Why...well its night time remember.  Wait a minute, didn't I say it was just day time in the last paragraph...let me check...yeah I did.  The crickets are still out so that MUST mean its night time.  So thats the final verdict, no more changing my mind I promise.  The Blues Brother Assassins pull up and shoot her while she is on the phone with Vic.  Wait is that day light in the background?  Maybe I'm just seeing things...anyhow they take off with the standard screech sound. 

Vic pulls up to where Coleman is being held...wait a f*cking minute...that is godamn day light if I've ever seen it. Ok, its day time again.  In the house he meets up with Russ who holds him at gun point.  However Toni makes it back to shoot Russ and to tell Vic to get out.  Toni dies and Vic is shot at by the Blues Brother Assassins who pull up.  Hold on a minute...Toni somehow got to the house before the Blues Brother Assassins, wounded no less.  I'm going to go on a limb here and say they brothers must have stopped at White Castle or something.  Vic takes off in his car but is wounded...
screeeeeech...as well as the Blues Brother Assassins...screeeeetch. The go around one curve... screeeeech...and another...screeeeech...and another...screeeeech...and one more until Vic crashes... screeeech.  The crash happens at night so lets just change that one more time.  I swear I've seen that crash scene in Thunder Road although I may be wrong.  The Blues Brother Assassins pull up during the day.  In order to keep it night time, lets just assume they got some rest and came back in the morning to survey the accident scene. 

Meanwhile Phil makes it home to his loving wife Kathy who has a beer waiting for him.  Phil woos her with one of the most heart felt quotes I've ever heard, "You have more effect on me than a beer drink".  The two head out for an evening of fun but are held up by Juan Valdez.  He needs to talk to Phil so they head out for a night time car drive.  This drive oddly runs into the next day...talk about your long ass drives. 

Valdez informs him that Dr. Coleman has been taken to Mandoras and he must speak to him.  Alas for poor Juan, he becomes the victim of a drive by.  Kathy notices him freaking out and can't figure out what happened.  Um...guys...didn't you hear that gun shot from the car that was one foot away from you?  Or perhaps Kathy, you might think the blood gushing from the hole in his chest is a good indicator that there was foul play involved. Phil pulls over and before passing on Juan informs them that a book of matches facing down means "friend".  Its a Mandoras Boy Scout thing I guess.  The two leave his body in the most practical place...a telephone booth.  I don't really blame them, not too many people use them...well maybe except Superman. 

Phil and Kathy do what anyone would do in their situation, head to sunny Mandoras.  They get off the plane with a mining guru named Tom Sharon.  Immediately they get whisked away by Police Chief Alaniz.  While leaving for the hotel, Phil gets bumped into by a guy who looks like Juan Valdez.  The guy drops a matchbook facing down into his pocket.

Phil and Kathy arrive at the charming Hotel Mandoras...theres plenty of room at the Hotel Mandoras they say.  Any time of year, you can find it here.  They check into a room complete with a sombrero on the wall.  The guy who bumped into Phil comes in and there is a struggle between the two.  Kathy accidently knocks out Phil with a vase.  When Phil comes to, he finds out the guy's name is Camino Padua.  He is the brother to Juan Valdez who's real name by the way is Teo.  The two look exactly alike except Teo has a mustache.  This amazing feet of casting was done by having the same guy play them both.  He informs them Suzanne was kidnaped to lure Dr. Coleman to Mandoras.  But oh, he has a longer story to tell...much f*cking longer.  Cue the WW2 stock footage super imposed over Camino's face:

Story in a nut shell, Teo was part of a team of doctors in WW2 trying to find a way to give Hitler ever lasting life.  The real Hitler hardly ever went out into public and the one they found burnt up was a decoy.  The doctors all found a way to preserve Hitler for all eternity.  Their hard work was rewarded with bullets to their chest.  Teo was shot but made it out alive.  F*cking morons...aim for the head next time will you. 

He informs them that the Nazis are everywhere and want to get hold of the professor's antidote for G-Gas so the may Vrule de Vworld!  Yes the world is in peril so what does Phil and Kathy do...head out to get liquored up at a bar.  My kind of people...anyhow while there, they run into annoying beach bunny Suzanne.  She tells them of her abduction by a couple of Germans and how she has free reign in Mandoras but can't leave the country.  While at the bar the Nazis make a move on Phil but a Carmen Miranda dancer takes the bullet for him.  What service indeed...the bar goes dark and when the lights go back on, Phil finds out Kathy and Suzanne are gone.  The Nazis are dead and he gets arrested by Chief Alaniz for their murder. 

On the drive to prison that pesky sun acts up again.  Its night time godammit...I can tell for SURE this time because the car's lights are on.  Well they really aren't going to prison, rather the El Presidente of Mandora's palace.  There he finds Suzanne and Kathy alive and well in the president's office.  They run into Tom Sharon who is in cahoots with the Nazi's because he wants to take over the diamond mines in Mandoras. 

Phil, Kathy, and Suzanne all get taken down to the dungeon where they find Dr. Coleman alive and well.  They have all been brought to this place as motivation to make the Professor talk.  Turns out Suzanne's David is a Nazi along with Frank as well.  The Nazis take the group to see the Vruler of de Vworld!  It is none other than the severed head of Adolf Hitler attached to some kind of gizmo. 

The group is taken back to their cell and set up an escape plan. It works and the President and Cheif Alaniz come in to help with their escape.  Turns out their country is under siege by Nazis and Camino is the son of the President.  They all leave the castle and we find out that two Nazi generals are in route to Mandoras on Hitler's orders.  During all of this, the order is given for an "Operation G".  Hitler is informed of this and heads out on a road trip to witness de Vworld's destruction.  Get it
HEADS out...never mind...

Meanwhile, Kathy and Phil get followed by David during their escape.   He chases them to the center of Mandoras and informs him during a shoot out that two barrels of G-Gas are being released in the town at midnight.  David gets bumped off and Phil informs Chief Alaniz and Camino of the Nazi's plan.

The Nazis arrive with Tom Sharon and Hitler's head who is winking and grimacing anxiously.  Sharon finds David's body and wouldn't you know it, David is his son.  Sharon gets pissed off about this and is shot by Frank. Across town Phil gathers up all 20 of the town's citizens for a revolution against the Nazis.  They spy on the Nazis who arrive with the G-Gas.  The plane carrying the generals arrives on time through stock footage.  The revolution begins and after a few grenade explosions, the Nazis are brought down along with Hitler's head.  In a "who gives a sh*t" ending, Suzanne and Camino get married.  Thus the Third Reich is brought down for a second time. 

This movie literally wore me out mentally...I really can't add to that I'm sorry.  This film was enough to give Hitler's brain a headache.
ITS THE INNARDS THAT COUNT (most gruesome/odd moments)
Not a whole bunch of that here however Hitler does give a lot of head in the film...
YOU'RE A GRAND OLD A-HOLE (the A-Holes of the film get their moment)
1.)
Hitler's Brain - Now through the miracle of technology, lets look at the inner monologue of Hitler's Brain;
"
Mein Penis, was Sie hat, hat mit meinem Penis gemacht"
Translation: My Penis!  What have you done with my penis?!"

2.)
Nazis - The Third Reich in this film tried to Vrule de Vwolrd by using G-Gas.  I often get a bad case of G-Gas after eating too many Brats and drinking too much of that fine German beer. 
OVERALL GRADE
NO SKULLS!!!
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