RELEASE DATE: 1942
RATED: Approved By 1942's US Standards
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
The tale opens up with a wedding in which after the bride says "I do", falls and dies. That was easy for the groom...lets just hope she took out that mega life insurance plan before hand. The undertaker comes to pick up the body but finds out it had already been picked up. The press picks it up and goes wild with the headlines:
BODY OF DEAD BRIDE DISAPPEARS
POLICE BAFFLED BY MYSTERIOUS THEFT OF ALTAR VICTIMS
ANOTHER BRIDE DIES AT ALTAR!
THE DARKSIDER SHOOTS 18 FOOT TALL BEATLE IN FRONT YARD!
Basically, there is a guy running around stealing corpses of brides who die at the altar in case you didn't get it from the headlines. A girl named Alice Wentworth is heading down the isle next. Mr. Keenan from the press wants his lackey Patricia Hunter and a photographer to cover it.
On the wedding day, Alice gets an odd orchid which she wears to the alter. Everyone's worst fear comes true when Alice collapses at the alter. The real morgue comes to get the body and down the road they get distracted by a burning car. Lugosi's character Dr. Lorenz robs the body in broad daylight. The police announce that all cars are to be searched for dead bodies. "Hello there may I have your license, registration, and any dead bodies you may have in the car." Hunter picks up the orchid that Wentworth was wearing and sets out to investigate it.
Dr. Lorenz makes it home sweet home to his family of an Igor looking guy named Angel, Igor's mother Fagah, a midget named Angelo (one of us, one of us gooble gobble gooble gobble...yep its Angeleno from Freaks...), and his whining wife Countess Lorenz. Dr. Lorenz extracts some blood from Wentworth's body and injects the Countess with it. While he does this Angel starts the fondle Wentworth's corpse. Dr. Lorenz whips him...Lobo...get back you...sorry couldn't resist. The Countess comes around and looks healthy and young.
Meanwhile, Hunter has the flower looked at and the botanist directs her to Dr. Lorenz. The cab refuses to bring her there but wouldn't you know Lorenz's henchmen are there. Talk about f*cking luck...anyhow they refuse to take her there but she hitches a ride anyhow. Half way up they catch her on the back of their truck and boot her off. While walking, a car comes by being driven by a Dr. Foster. Guess what, he is heading to Lorenz's place...another great stroke of f*cking luck. Hunter hitches with him to the Lorenz's residence and finds out that Foster is working with them to cure the Countess's ailments.
The two arrive at the house and immediately the Countess makes Hunter feel welcome by b*tch slapping her. She asks Lorenz about the orchid and Dr. Lorenz seems surprised she has it. Hunter and Dr. Foster are encouraged to stay the night so Hunter can continue her interview.
During the evening she gets a visit from Dr. Lorenz. He scopes her out and leaves the room. Angel also sets out to fondle Hunter's hair. She screams and sets out to find Dr. Foster. While her search, she finds the Lorenz's sleeping in coffins. I swear Lugosi spent more time in a coffin alive than dead. Dr. Foster catches up with her and verifies theres something odd going on.
After the two go their seperate ways, Hunter finds a secret entrance and sets out to investigate it. Through the corridors she finds a room where Angel is fondling the corpse of Wentworth. She runs away and returns to find another body of a bride. In another room she finds the body of Angel and faints.
The next morning Foster wakes up and starts throwing out accusations. Dr. Foster doesn't remember waking up in the middle of the night and Dr. Lorenz dodges all the questions. Hunter prepares to leave, however before she departs with Dr. Foster, she finds orchids by her bed side. Hunter talks to Dr. Foster later about her orchid discovery and how she feels Dr. Lorenz is behind the bride corpse abductions.
Hunter heads off to talk to Mr. Keenan who doesn't believe her theories. Dr. Foster comes in with moss that proves Dr. Lorenz is growing orchids. He also talks about Dr. Lorenz being experienced in hypnosis and how Countess Lorenz has the physical symptoms of an 80 year old. He feels that the brides may still be alive and being used by Dr. Lorenz to keep the Countess young.
Hunter talks to her friend Peggy and tries to convince her to stage a phony wedding. That way they can trap Dr. Lorenz in the act of body theft. As planned, Dr. Lorenz sees this in the paper and plans to take it away. Fagah swears she hears the voice of her son in the house. Fagah...if I were gay I'd be offended by her name.
At the fake ceremony an orchid does come but is abducted before hand. Hunter gets called in by the real minister who happens to be Dr. Lorenz. She falls unconscious and hes takes her away. During the escape Angelo gets shot and goes out in a blaze of midgetness. At the Lorenz's house, while the doctor prepares to do his thing with Hunter, Fagah stabs him for killing her son. He in turn kills her and shortly after dies. The Countess tries to take over the blood withdrawal but gets killed by a not so dead Fagah. The movie ends with Dr. Foster and Hunter getting married...awwww.
Lugosi is in no way as menacing in this role as say a Dracula or White Zombie. However, his performance wasn't the worst he has ever done either. Stealing bride corpses is a funny concept. Its not too often a bride gets cold feet...get it...cold feet...ok screw it.
Most of the violence was emulated so there is not a whole heck of a lot to cover...however they did shoot a midget...but that is obviously more comedic than gruesome...
1.) The Lorenz Household - "Well if thats what you call being eccentric, I have another name for it." Hunter said this about the Countess who everyone in the house fights to keep youthful. I have another word for her too...C*nty. I don't know why they want to keep this b*tch around. If I lived with her, she'd be fertilizer for my tomato plants. Oh yeah...did I forget to mention they have a midget?
2.) Orchids - Yeah...you heard that right. You thought I was going to leave you alone just because you're flowers. Well let me tell you something you blossoming mother f*ckers. I'm coming after you and I'm aiming for your roots beyotch.
