RELEASE DATE: 1966
RATED: Unrated
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
The film starts out with a scientist named Simon hard at work in his laboratory. He keeps on saying "breathe" to something with webbed feet surrounded by a white mist. All the while the vein in his forehead is about to pop making me think he was forcing a bowel movement during this scene.
More than Simple Simon's experiment is apparently a failure as he hauls out a body wrapped in a shroud. He walks over to an in ground pool on the premises and dumps the body there. A bunch of alligators gnaw away at it, well at least according to the horribly shot stock footage of alligators eating.
Simon heads back and out of nowhere a dude shows up demanding to know where his brother is. In a goofy scuffle, the guy almost gets the best of Simon but is off'd by Simon's henchman Valjean. Simon gives the obligatory mad scientist speech saying that his work must not be prevented, blah blah blah. This gives way to the credits and an even more idiotic sub plot line.
West leaves the bar just in time to find Ritchie messing around. The two wrestle away in another ghastly choreographed fight until West knocks Ritchie down. Ritchie however pulls a knife and kills West. Brenda and the hotel owner Frenchy break in and give Ritchie a "shame on you" speech.
Apparently West was expecting a geologist by the name of Mr. Rogers. No, not the cardigan sweater fellow who took his shoes off in front of you in younger days. However I did have to smirk every time they called him Mr. Rogers. Brenda comes up with a plan to fool Rogers into thinking she is actually West's wife. Thus she is his representative. As idiotic as that sounds, it actually works a few paragraphs down.
Meanwhile, Ritchie goes to visit his buddy Rabbit (yep the names are getting more idiotic as we move on) to dispose of the body with a saw thinga-magiggar. Somehow the unnecessarily slow mechanism supposedly chops up the body. I would say in all reality it probably would have caused a few gashes less of that than a paper cut.
As mentioned earlier, Rogers arrives on cue to the swamp and falls for the Mrs. West thing. In a sub plot, we find out Frenchy and Brenda are an item and they're using Ritchie to do their dirty work. Dun da da...
Rogers, Brenda, Rabbit and Ritchie head out into the swamps. The local villagers start up a drum chorus which alerts Simon that he is about to have visitors. You figure by this day and age someone could have implemented a CB radio but who am I to say anything.
Simon meets up with his lab assistant Tom who is having suffering from the "what we are doing isn't right" syndrome. Gee, is he going to die soon? We also meet Simon's gal pal Pat who suffers from the "I really miss being in civilization" syndrome.
Tom quickly gets taken out by the doctor and injected with a mysterious potion.
After giving Valjean one last "don't you screw up again" pep talk, Simon checks up on Tom still looking very much like Tom. A few scenes later, Pat sneaks by the other henchman Tracker to find Tom (still looking very much like Tom) and freaks out.
While Valjean effeminately disciplines Tracker, Simon tells Pat to behave herself before locking her in her room. I found it awfully odd how Simon thought to keep locks on his wife's door but failed to secure a room with a revolutionary science experiment. Thats just a minor point in the plot idiocy.
Simon, who apparently yearns to be busted, tells Tracker to go find the "intruders" and bring them back to the house. Meanwhile, Valjean goes to the village folk to gather a meeting or some sort. Rogers and the others are brought back to the house.
Brenda spouts off a horrid joke calling Simon "Dr. Livingston" when they first meet. So much for first impressions, dumb bitch. Anyhow Simon explains his research on the evolutionary idea of men evolving from reptiles. The others explain they are there for oil. Once again, oddly way too much information to be shared in a first meeting.
Later outside, Tracker meets up with Ritchie who asks about the drums. There is a big hoopla going on a few yards over involving the dreaded snake worshipers. Oooooooh, scary. Ritchie and Tracker head out to spy on the dance number, which features an effigy of Simon. The leader, wearing what appears to be a mask attached to a hula skirt, blabbers on about how the doctor has done their land wrong, blah blah blah.
Meanwhile back at Simon's place, Pat breaks out once again and cuts the lifeline on Tom. Um...you guessed it...still looking very much like Tom. Thats the best part about the whole "Tom" thing is the fact he is supposed to be undergoing a metamorphosis, but nothing ever changes. Simon, upset about his life partner's passing, goes ballistic on Pat and tosses her into a closet. He grabs Brenda out of her sleeping quarters and makes her the new experiment.
Back on the home front, Brenda wakes up very much changed. This would be the title creature that apparently took an hour and half to get around to seeing. Outside, a group of angry villagers blast Rabbit dead. Simon hears the commotion and demands the swamp creature take out his enemies. The creature runs outside and heads to the swimming pool.
Meanwhile, Rogers wakes up and rescues Pat from the closet. The two run outside and Pat yells to the creature to only hurt Simon. Simon tells the creature to kill his enemies. This tennis match goes on for several long minutes until the creature decides to throw itself and Simon to the gators. Rogers and Pat fly away together thus ending the film.
This film is an absolute mess with no direction. So much gets lost in the hack plot that its almost comical. For example, why should we care about Brenda getting mutated in the end of the film? She was a money grubbing bitch. Why should the lesser of two evils be sympathized? This is only one of many questions one could ask but I won't bother.
I guess the one film's redeeming quality is a place called the Fish N Fly inn. The name of the place kind of serves as a metaphor for the film's two main elements, smelly and annoying.
Nothing much to report here other than random acts of alligator violence...
