RELEASE DATE: 1987
RATED: Unrated
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
Our story begins with a milk truck driver picking up a bimbo on the side of the road. Uh oh, sounds a bit like Hard Rock Zombie�s beginning...yep...we�re screwed folks. Anyhow, the two stop and a mysterious motorbike rider drops in a mysterious chemical into the milk tank. Why, well mysterious biker guys do those kind of things.
Moving on, the contaminated milk kills off three chicks. I won�t bother investigating why only three people got sick off a truck load of milk in the greater France area. After the funeral we get introduced to the mildly retarded evil company sub-plot.
Before I move on, allow me to explain why I�m going to refer to the main players as �secretary, boss, and chemist�. The film itself had no credits and IMDB had nothing listed either. So instead of putting myself of watching this film twice to find out their names I�d take the �who gives a sh*t� approach much like the director seemed to have done for the entire film.
Anyhow, secretary is behind the biker who dropped the poison in the milk truck. Why, well by the time it�s revealed you�ll forget anyhow. Boss gets confronted by local authority into his connection with the milk poisoning. Turns out all three girls worked for the factory.
Boss meets up with a fellow who happens to be his source of toxic chemical disposal. The waste disposal guy takes a ride out to the local cemetery where the girls were buried. He opens the highly toxic chemical barrels with no apparent protective equipment and lets them flow all over the grave site.
Pretending not to rip off Return Of The Living Dead, the chemicals cause the recently deceased girls to rise from the dead. If the viewer likes the way this scene was shot then thats good news for them. I swear they use the same footage every time the girls take off from the grave in the movie from here on out. Interesting point here as well; apparently the decay sets in a little quicker in France than most areas. Then again, I'm not surprised...it is France after all.
The girls take off after their first victim who happens to be boss's wife. Side point, before all this, boss was set up by secretary who filmed him with a hooker to blackmail him. Just a reason for a rather unpleasant looking soft-core full frontal action really. While boss is out on a business trip to Germany, the wife gets off'd by the girls. After she dies, her lover arrives opening up another idiotic subplot.
This lover is the chemist of who I spoke of earlier. The next day he is called out to investigate the chemical spills at the local graveyard. Now for some odd reason, one which is never explained with many in this film, the chemist has a rotting hand. Perhaps its no wonder because he too investigates the chemical spill with no use of protective equipment either. I guess France doesn't have board of health regulations...then again what else is new.
Things progress painfully slow in the film. Some of the...um...highlights include secretary staring a relationship with boss, boss getting killed by dead girls, chemical disposal guy getting killed by dead girls, non-stop useless crap called a plot...etc etc.
Eventually the video of the boss and the hooker surfaces with threats of media exposure. I'll be honest, at this point I really couldn't pay attention to the plot anymore. Just know that secretary gets a hold of three million dollar black mail money somehow.
Now before this all wraps up comes a scene which absolutely made no sense to me. I've been watching crappy films for quite a while now and honestly have tried to make sense out of the most unexplainable crap. However this one is way up there when it comes to being ridiculous. The chemist's wife is 7 months pregnant and out of nowhere she has an immense miscarriage in the shower which is caused by an unexplained rotting hole in her belly.
I do wonder where the director came up with such an uplifting idea. Allow me to say that when it comes to gore, its usually good to have some kind of reasoning behind it. This scene was purely done for the sake of being shocking and frankly had no point being in the film. If the scene was being done in a comedic way (ala the de-fetus scene in Terror Firmer) thats one thing, but this idea was simply pointless, tasteless and just came off as retarded. Much like the rest of the film.
So this cinematic masterpiece ends with the dead girls hitching a ride with an unknown driver. Local authority succeed in blowing up the car which contains a ton of money. Yep, its safe to assume the secretary was driving with in the car with zombie girls but that makes all of 2% sense.
Luckily (I'm not sure if "luck" had anything to do with it) the film did have an alternate ending in which all the zombie girls jump into the car with the secretary. Turns out they were only wearing masks and were part of the huge scam. Oh now that makes all the difference, this film is brilliant! Yeah...f*ck that...
This movie is pure crass exploitation that would probably make sense only if you banged your head repeatedly against a brick wall before watching it. Much like any soft-core porn adventure, the film tried to take itself seriously with a plot to build around all the non-penetrative f*cking. In this case, the film decided to add living dead shenanigans to the mix. That would make as much sense as adding hot pepper to a birthday cake. Indeed this film spreads the "T & A" factor wide. However, unless you like 70s mamma muffs don't bother viewing this film for that reason.
Then again, don't bother viewing this film for any reason. Well, unless you need more of a reason to hate the French.
1.) Eye, Yi, Yi - Boss's wife gets off'd when one the living dead girls pokes her in the eye with her heel. This would be the reason why in most cultures, people are buried without their shoes.
2.) Penis De Jour - The girls kill off the biker by biting off his pecker. Apparently the one thing other than escargot only the dead would like.
3.) Stick Me Baby - A prostitute gets a knife into her vagina. Not that the gash wasn't big enough already if you know what I mean.
4.) Baby Blues - Chemist's wife loses her 7-month year old baby in the shower when the rotting hole stomach exposes her baby. Something that should have happened long ago to the person who thought this scene was a good idea.
1.) Living Dead Girls - Girls who found out the hard way that the term "got milk" isn't always a good idea to follow.
2.) Chemical Company - Now looking for more one-dimensional actors with a lot of pubic hair to fill positions.
