RELEASE DATE: 1962
RATED: Unrated
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
The film begins with the cheerful setting of a funeral. From the looks of things, all the men participating got a group rate on suits. Immediately after the credits we meet cemetery custodian R.J. Dobson. He serves as a half assed Criswell type who spouts of annoying rhetoric tenuously having to do with the film's plot.
Dobson realizes his kitty cat is missing and starts running around the cemetery shouting out it's name, Puma. He goes around one corner, "Puma, Puma, where are you Puma..." Then he goes around another corner, "Puma, Puma, Puma..." Then after a plethora of "Pumas" he finds the cat hanging out next to a gravestone. After picking up the cat, he puts it down only to step on it's tail by accident. Yeah no wonder why the cat was alluding you, dumb ass.
Puma strolls away to a gravesite that has the name "Lewis Moffitt" on it. Dobson has a chuckle at the stone's epitaph that reads "I Feared Not". Yeah, funny stuff indeed. This gives way to the story of Lewis Moffitt who apparently dies in some form or another.
Cut to Moffitt who is a college boy hanging out in the local fraternity of guys who are on the 40-year plan in college. All the other guys chastise him for being such a workhorse.
They make mention of a sock hop happening in the school cafeteria. They make mention to Moffitt how Betty may be there, ooooooooooh kissy, kissy. Moffitt says he'll catch up with them later at the hop.
Meanwhile in the sorority of repulsive women, Betty and her friends are chatting it up about the hop as well. Betty ends up calling Moffitt and the two set up a date after minutes of annoying banter. The two head out to a make out spot and out of nowhere a rattlesnake invades the car. Moffitt being the dashing hero he is takes out the snake, which impresses Betty.
Cut to the hop where kids are enthusiastically dancing to some horrid beats. Everyone chats up useless time killing dialog until Moffitt and Betty arrive. Its apparent that Betty and her sisters don't dig the guy's dedication to their cause. That would be education in anatomy for the aspiring doctors by a Professor Rayburn . Yeah because education and career goals always play second to college romances.
Anyhow the hop wraps up with the obligatory fat couple dancing on the floor. Why, well because fat people doing anything that is supposed to be sexy=funny is a formula that hasn't changed throughout cinematic history. I can't say that it hasn't gotten way too old because it has.
That night Moffitt has several wet dreams about darkness. His roommate (or is that soul-mate) wakes him up and Moffitt has a hard time explaining his dream. The two go to bed and the next day the girls are awfully miffed at the boys deserting them for their education. Moffitt sweet talks to Betty and somehow smoothes things out.
Moffitt finds out about a student's death and agrees to go to the memorial service after hours with his roommate. While there the lights go out and Moffitt cries like a pansy. Moffitt then spins a yarn about how when he was little his mother didn't leave a light on at night. Wah Wah Wah, I'm a poor little rich boy. I guess it was during a time when a relative's corpse was in their house for a memorial service.
The film moves on, slowly, and the frat pledges are put to the test with a final challenge. One guy has to avoid water all day, another has to dress as cupid and as for Moffitt, he gets the big challenge. He is sent to steal the ring off the corpse's hand. Keep in mind, this is literally with about 10 minutes left in the film. Made me wonder how such a climatic ending will play out.
Um...wait a minute...is that it you ask? Yep, believe it or not that is the gruesome fate we waited one hour and a half to find out about Lewis Moffitt.
After watching this film, I had to pry my brain on how exactly they filled the time to lead up to a pretty much "nothing accomplished" ending. The movie actually more or less played out in a Tales From The Crypt plot line manner. Which would have been ok if it was in fact Tales From The Crypt.
Moffitt is set up as an interesting character but we all know what was going to happen so it was all for not in the end. That and who would have known Puma was capable of such evil things?
Nothing much to report although the fat people do make out with hot dogs in their mouths...don't ask...
