RELEASE DATE: 1988
RATED: PG-13
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
What a talent indeed...but oh I�m just beginning my friends. On top of his acting fame he decided to shove a pencil in our ear which would be his singing career. His song Nothin� My Love Can�t Fix is perhaps worse than Rico Suave and I�m Too Sexy combined. Nowadays, he refers to himself as �Joseph� which is just stupid to do if you�re an actor. Yeah we�ll forget all the goofy, mindless crap you were in as �Joey� because now as �Joseph� we can take you seriously. What a douche.
Then if that wasn�t enough, his brother Matthew had to get involved in the limelight starring in various lesser known crap. Basically, I would compare both of these guys to the Duff sisters. Somewhat good looking, yet combined, have the acting talent of mold.
Well anyhow in between Gimme A Break and Blossom, Joey Lawrence tried the terror of electricity on for size in Pulse. The film starts off with a far away view of some kind of power plant. Nearby, a lightening bolt hits the ground thus causing things to go haywire with the plant�s voltage. I�m not sure the logistics of a bolt of lightening doing that to a power plant but I imagine it�s a bit on the slim side.
Shortly after this we get treated to quite a few shots of inside the plant which then changes to power lines then to a transmitter. Yawn...anyhow right away we get introduced to a few of our main players Bill and Ellen. They are resting comfortably in bed until the guy across the street goes ape sh*t breaking crap in his house. Bill tells Ellen to call the cops and heads down to join the other nosey neighbors in the street.
Anyhow two cops arrive to find water on the floor and the man inside dead from electrical shock. Cut to Joey Lawrence on a plane holding a toy horsey. In this movie he plays David who is the son of Bill. In a who gives a sh*t subplot, we find out David�s parents are divorced and he is visiting his dad who I guess remarried Ellen.
Ellen makes David feel welcome by showing him the house of Frank Jordan, the nut job from the beginning, and telling him about how the guy went crazy. Oh and she also demonstrates the bars on the windows that Bill just put up. You know... just the make the house safe from his elderly neighbors. I always knew something was f*cked up with suburban life and this movie is the proof.
David is shown to his room which has a rather gaudy race car bed. The next night, he stays home alone while Bill and Ellen head off to a party. Yes, in a neighborhood where steel bars are on the windows its common place to leave a ten year old home alone. While flipping in between the Dodgers game and a movie rental, David starts having technical difficulty with the television. This is mainly caused due the a transmitter malfunctioning outside.
David listens to the rest of the game on the radio however begins to notice things going haywire in the house. The movie then treats us to several Intel-Inside commercial views of inside the tv melting down. Bill and Ellen return home to find David freaking out about the house�s appliances acting odd.
The tv repairman comes the next day to fix the television and explains to us the wonders of electronic pulses. Why, well this gives us an explanation on the movie�s title. Meanwhile outside, David tries to make friends while skateboarding only to meet up with a kid named Stevie. Guess what, this so happens to be Matthew Lawrence. If you needed an indicator, apparently he goes to the same barber (who gives repulsive bowl cuts) as his brother.
Anyhow, Stevie explains to him that Jordan, who perished in the beginning was always yelling at the kids for poisoning his grass. That and his wife was killed in a freak garbage disposal accident...don�t bother asking.
The next day, David looks outside to see...gasp...the grass is dying. This prompts him to go over and check the boarded up house for himself. While there he is busted in on by an old man who talks as if he knows about the electrical problems. I always thought when you came across an old man in a boarded up place that meant you�d have trouble sitting down for a few weeks...if you know what I mean.
David brings up the electrical problem to Bill and Ellen. They write this off but we find out the video rental (the one David was watching) was fried. Everyone heads off to bed and we get treated to more Intel commercial visions, this time of the heater which oddly goes off in the middle of the night.
Anyhow, the next day David gets the bright idea to take his father�s car to the airport so he can fly back to his mother. However, during his idiotic plan, the electricity somehow busts a gas pipe line. David starts gasping away and has an even brighter idea to jump back into the car and close the windows. Oh and Mr. Smarty pants wins the Nobel Prize by turning on the engine as well. Finally, David semi-crashes through the garage door and is found by Ellen.
The gas guy comes the next day and explains that the gas break could be due to metal fatigue. Ellen throws a fit at the gas guy saying that this is not the explanation. She explains her concerns to Bill who pretty much pulls the standard father in a horror movie �we�re staying� move.
The next day, Ellen sees the old guy David encountered across the street. I have no f*cking clue but I guess he is an electrician of some sort. She asks him how to stop the pluse and after speaking in 100 or so analogies, he suggests that she turns off everything in the house. Why, well because living like the uni-bomber is apparently fun for the whole family.
So with an apparent major electric problem, Ellen decides the best move to counter this would be taking an electric conducting shower. Look at the big brain on Ellen. Anyhow during this, the water gets heated up to a rather hot level and scalds her body. Well oddly according to this film, she receives only minor burns. I was assuming most of her skin would be gone...however who am I to judge.
Anyhow, Ellen gets brought to the hospital and is stabilized. David, who was left in the care of neighbors, meets up with Bill who agrees they will not stay in their home for the night. However in the middle of the night, Bill heads off to the home front. This prompts David to awake and spy on his father from the neighbor�s place.
Once inside the house again, Bill wanders around and eventually ends up in the cellar. A table saw comes alive and kicks up a screw into Bill�s head. This was the only sadistic laugh I got out of the whole film actually. Meanwhile, David gets worried and heads to the house to look for his father.
Once inside the house, the electricity literally traps them inside by using water. How exactly electricity learned how to turn on the faucet is one of the many mysteries facing this film. Also during it�s busy schedule, electricity found time to shut the bars on the windows.
David runs around trying to get the neighbor�s attention and ends up getting cut on glass (hehe). He runs upstairs and a fire starts cornering him in his room. Meanwhile, Bill comes around and uses an axe to cut his way out of the cellar. He runs upstairs and rescues David. After almost getting killed one last time by the pulse, the two escape the house.
Once outside, Bill wildly chops down the power lines destroying his house. The cops arrive along with the neighbors thus nothing the father and son are equally crazy. The movie ends on that note and I�m assuming both Bill and David get to rest comfortably in a nice tight jacket for a long time somewhere.
One side note on the film�s plot; why the f*ck did no one think to call the electric company?
The interesting thing about Pulse was although it was ok, it had the potential to be great. The scares were built up and really were always a huge let down in the end. The gore is basically non-existent because of the PG-13 rating which is a major let down.
In the end, Pulse is a decent entry level horror flick for novice fans but seasoned horror-pros will find this movie more of a Flat Line than a Pulse. Sorry, had to work that bad one liner somewhere.
The movie was very tame...if only they featured the Lawrence brothers getting fried in the movie it would have been a masterpiece. How I was yearning to see those shaggy bowl cuts standing on end...
1.) The Pulse - Perhaps a movie about a surging electric bill would have been a bit more scary than this villain.
