RELEASE DATE: 1988
RATED: R
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider - 5/17/05
"We can play post office and you can be the stamp..."
"You guys need a hand...(everyone claps)..."
Yeah...this script is a real f**king riot...sorry to say these are actual excerpts from the script of NOTD. This film is basically Evil Dead re-written...badly...with 100% more gratuitous nudity. Oh by the way...note to novice horror fans...if the name Linnea Quigley appears somewhere in the credits...you're bound to see dirty pillows somewhere in the film. She road the implant cash cow like no other scream queen in the 1980s.
So anyhow the film begins with which seems like 20 minutes of credits all of which resembled a really bad laser light show. We meet up with an old feller walking down the road getting scared by young hoodlums. He is sick of the kids and plans to put a bunch of razors in apples as Halloween treats. Does this have anything to do with the plot...well no...but remember that event because I will cover it below.
Right away we meet one of the main players Judy. Its Halloween night and her new boyfriend Jay wants to check out this mondo party at a place called Hull House. A girl named Angela is throwing the big bash which worries Judy because Angela is a goth chick. By this point in the movie (10 minutes in) we realize the acting level of the cast is around that of garden slugs...but hey...its the 80s remember?
So anyhow...Judy's ex-boyfriend Sal drops by her house and terrorizes her annoying little brother Billy into telling him where the party is. He reminded me a little of Ralph Macchio in the Karate Kid but with more attitude...maybe I'm way off there. Shortly after this we meet the belle of the ball Angela herself. She is hanging out with her slutty friend Suzanne in the local store. Suzanne distracts the clerks with an up skirt view while Angela stocks up on beer and supplies. I'm sure many of you can recall pulling scams like that...ahh the fond memories of free Cheetos and Pepsi.
On to the party which is being held at the mysterious Hull House. What is this place...well thankfully the stereotype "brain" of the group Max explains. It used to be some kind of mortuary but the owner went off the deep end killing his family and later himself. The place has a huge wall around it with some underground stream surrounding it. According to Max, this keeps evil spirits out or in to a place...or something...
Everyone is in high horny spirits as the party begins. Lets do a quick checklist of the stereotypes:
Brain: Max...check Freak: Angela...check Fat Prick: Stooge...check The "We Should Go" Girl: Helen...check
Slut: Suzzane...check Goodie Goodie Chick: Judy...check... Good Guy Boyfriend: Jay...check...
Annoying Ex: Sal...check Me Love You Long Time: Frannie...check
and last but last least...Token Minority: Rodger...check....looks like they're all here so...
PARTY THE F*CK ON...
Well this goes well for a bit until Angela suggests doing a mirror seance. During it Helen gets a glimpse of an evil spirt and knocks over the mirror. This gives way to...you guessed it...Evil Dead camera effects coming up from the cellar. The evil spirit jumps into Angela first who then passes it on to Suzanne. Realizing he is the Token Minority Rodger leaves the house with Helen but finds out he can't escape for the time being because the wall around the house is sealed tight. Meanwhile everyone else stays in the house and gets picked off by the possessed Suzanne and Angela. The catch is, whoever they knock off becomes a demon as well...and so on and so forth...
Well after a blood bath of sorts, Rodger and Judy make it over the wall surrounding the house. How was this accomplished...well turns out the demons are allowed one night to play only and it is indeed Halloween. I didn't really care at the end what happened...I was flabbergasted the Token Minority was allowed to live for a change.
The one thing that is cool about this movie is you get to see how special effects were before the invent of CGI. The make up is really cool and theres something about the authenic 80s horror effects thats nostalgic and fun to watch. If one movie could summerize the whole 80s horror scene it could very well be this one...over done plot, bad acting, and some kind of unwritten law that everyone must appear nude at least once in the movie.
1.) Pigs In Hellll - Stooge kisses the evil version of Angela and has his tongue bitten off by her. I did the math and without the tongue...one of the strongest muscles in the body...he is down to 5% fat free.
2.) Rough Sex- Suzanne...after hiding a lipstick in her nipple...um yeah...pokes Jay's eyes out while he pokes her.
3.) Pushing Up Frannie - While Frannie and Max get busy in a coffin (of all places), Stooge in demon form snaps Frannie's neck and smashes Max's arm off with the coffin lid leaving them an anthropologist's wet dream hundreds of years down the line.
4.) You're Fired - Judy improvises a flamethrower with a gas pipe and a lighter and toasts the demons...go figure the biggest retard would be the MacGyver of the film.
5.) Home Made Apple Die - The old man (yes the one I mentioned in "The Plot" section) starts eating his wife's apple pie the day after Halloween. Turns out the pie is made from the leftover apples he put razors into the night before. He has his throat cut by them and dies. They made me sit through an hour and a half of bad jokes and no plot line only to save the one funny joke until the end...someone must pay for this outrage...
1.) The Demons - These folks get rid of every annoying stereotype in your high school...you may want to use them now so that way you can have the open bar to yourself at your 10 year reunion.
2.) Angela - This goth chick brought down a lot of her classmates in a huge massacre. Don't worry though... the woman who played her (Amelia Kinkade) is a completely normal person. She has gone on to a new lucrative career as a pet psychic...think I'm kidding...I could only wish to make something like that up. If you want to find out what your pet goldfish is thinking check out her website.
Welcome party goers...get out your crucifixes and hold them upright...or upside down...to show your support for your team as we view today's big match up...
THE DEMONS
VS
RODGER
In one of the biggest upsets ever...Rodger...son of a preacher man...figures out how to escape the evil clutches of the demons. Amazingly enough he is a minority and survives an 80s horror flick. Looks like a few so-called demons are getting pitchforks up their ass after the big Halloween party...
The Winnah This Round: The Holly Rollers
Score After Three Reviews: Evil A-Holes: 2 Holly Rollers: 1
