TITLE: Keoma

RELEASE DATE
:  1976

RATED: Unrated

REVIEWED BY
:  The DarkSider
THE PLOT: �A mysterious man gallops into town, kills a bunch of baddies and rides off into the sunset�.  It seems the giant boot of a country made it a staple during their spaghetti western run.  Its all what the directors did in the middle that counted.  Franco Nero in Django dragged a coffin into town, whipped out a Gatling Gun and blew many holes in many people.  In the more tame Keoma, he spent a lot of time emoting.

Our dusty tale begins one day with our hero encountering a rather fugly witch outside a fallen town.  The two strike up the much standard �go away, theres no place for you� argument. Keoma, realizing there is a plot line to carry heads off into town.

He makes his presence known when he meets up with a few meanies loading up plague victims.  Part of that group is a knocked up girl named Lisa whos husband is shot in front of her along with the other captives.  Keoma, who apparently has a pregger fetish of some sort, rescues the girl by wasting a few of the captors. 

Keoma heads down town with his new friend to the local waterin� hole.  Once there, he blows away a few more folk who protest the pregnant woman�s presence in town.  After he checks Lisa into the charming whore house, Keoma meets up with a childhood idol of his turned town drunk George.  We also learn that a fellow named Caldwell has taken over the town thus turning it into a cluster f*ck.  People are dying of plague, his soldiers are evil, people are listening to Yanni and Enya regularly...etc, etc. 

Keoma heads over to his former homestead and through a flashback (one of a 1000 in the film), we learn he grew up with three bruiser brothers and his father.  Turns out his father, William Shannon,  is still very much alive and well.  We learn that Keoma was a half Indian breed.  Guess his dad had himself a Cherokee booty call one night or something.  Keoma had just come back from fighting in the Civil War to find his town in ruins and his brothers part of Caldwell�s gang. 

Speaking of that jolly bunch, the group abducts Lisa at the whore house and take her to the plague encampment.  Keoma doesn�t really take nicely to this and rides off to meet face to face with his half brothers who are Butch, Lenny and Sam.  He whisks Lisa away once again and brings her to the local town doctor.  Indeed she is not plague infected but theres a huge price on her head anyhow.  Let down by his friend George and the doctor, Keoma rallies them with an inspiring speech. 

The doctor and George, inspired to do good, set up a plan to smuggle drugs (the good kind) for the townsfolk.  Meanwhile, Keoma kicks the living crap out of his brothers in town.  Caldwell, rather displeased with the three brothers, rallies his troops to find Keoma in town.  Apparently not phased with the idea of a small army after him, Keoma waltzes around them with unbelievable ease.  Matter of fact, he gets even more help when he meets up with his pappy who helps gets him and Lisa out of town. 

George and the doctor make good on their drug smuggling and get food and medical supplies to the town.  They also talk of telling a federal marshal of the town�s condition.  A few of Caldwell�s men step in but Keoma blasts them away.  He lets one dude live so he can pass a message to Caldwell to come into town.  What a nice guy. 

The three brothers hear about this and plot to take over the town after the epic battle.  Matter of fact, a few seconds later in the film the epic shoot out happens.  Once again, Keoma has no problem blasting people like Ahnold in Commando.  George and William step in as well to lend a helping hand.  Eventually, George is shot and screams hilariously like a fairy and William is taken captive. 

Caldwell demands Keoma to surrender or else he�ll shoot his father.  Keoma, who apparently has never seen any movies with this situation, gives in and sees his father shot in front of him.  Keoma is taken captive, dragged through the mud and strung up.  However, his three half brothers arrive in town and are rather displeased to find their father dead.  They blast Caldwell and give a huge speech blaming Keoma for all the town�s trouble.  The townsfolk, who apparently forget Kemoa came into town after the plague stuff, give a big �huh-ra� and party. 

Meanwhile, Lisa heads into town at night to rescue Keoma.  Following the standard �pregnant girl must have their baby at the worst time� plot line, Lisa goes into labor once the two escape.  Kemoa is confronted by his brothers one last time and puts a few holes in them.  All during the shoot out, the witch woman from the beginning finally serves a purpose and delivers the baby.  Lisa dies and Keoma abandons the baby knowing it will survive because he was born free.  How inspiring... 

So fans of my movie PMSing may find it hard to believe that I took all this time without mentioning the worst aspect of this film.  That would be the awful, awful...did I mention awful soundtrack.  A woman who sounds like Bjork getting burned alive gives us a virtual singing play by play of the action. Also appearing here and there is a guy singer who sounds like he just woke up from a hangover.  After awhile I started singing on the way to work about my every day actions just like the two singers.
�I�m turning down the street...going 45...stopping for a f*cking light...�

All in all, Keoma was a decent western that came late in the Italian genre. Definitely a cult favorite among fans.   Personally I would have loved more violence in this film.  It seemed to focus more on Keoma�s introspective moments than killing everything in site which of course makes Westerns fun to watch.  That and the film had more slow motion scenes that all of the Lord Of The Ring movies combined.
IT�S THE INNARDS THAT COUNT (most gruesome/odd moments)
Theres a lot of gun play mixed with the standard witty good guy quotes like �this bullet has your name on it� kind of crap.
YOU�RE A GRAND OLD A-HOLE (the A-Holes of the film get their moment)
1.)
The Three Shannon Brothers - A threesome of brothers who rival the ferocity that of Peter, Paul and Mary.

2.)
Caldwell - This guy�s army belongs on Brokeback Mountain.  Perhaps he should have shopped at Westworld instead.
OVERALL GRADE
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