RELEASE DATE: 1987
RATED: R
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider 4/28/05
Taking a break from hosting Piper's Pit, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper takes on the roll of Sam Hell. (Other creative cute names like Heywood JuBlowme, Mike Hunt, and Pat McGroin were apparently under copyright.) The future is a rather bleak place...the world has gone through a nuclear war. Very few people on the earth are fertile but Hell has a "loaded weapon" as its described. After brushing up against Captain Devling for the allegeded sexual assault of his daughter, Hell find himself with a new decent career option. Devling's daughter drops the charges after she finds out she is pregnant. Medtech's nurses, who pretty much run things, assign Hell to find and impregnate fertile females. Yeah most guys want to smack their guidance counselors after hearing that...
Hell is equipped with a device on his crotch and sent out on a new mission with Spangle and Centinella. He is to infiltrate a place called Frogtown where their leader Commander Toty has taken several fertile females captives. Frogtown is home to a bunch of mutated frog people by the way. So horned rimmed glasses wearing Spangle, machine gun toting Centinella, and the sperminator Hell jump into their pink vehicle and start their mission. A pink vehicle...just the sort of thing one wants to be driving on a secret mission. Nothing like being non-conspicuous...
Hell tries to escape but finds out his unit is rigged for blowing...wait that came out wrong... None the less the stipulation is if he gets to far from Spangle it will explode. That and the earing Spangle wears allows her to shock Hell in the jimmy if he gets out of line. And you thought you were on a short leash...
So after much traveling they come across an escaped female from Frogtown. After Hell does his sperm delivery, the female directs them to Frogtown. Once they get there, Spangle disguises herself as Hell's prisoner. They head to the froggy titty bar and meet up with their inside person, a frog stripper named Arabella. Hell also comes across one of his old buddies named Looney Tunes...and you thought Sam Hell was a desperate name.
So to wrap things up, Hell is captured by Toty's henchman Bull. Spangle is taken into custody and forced to do the dance of the three snakes. (see below for details) Hell escapes but not before Bull cuts the explosives off his package, Arabella is bumped off by Bull, and Bull in turn gets suplexed on to a drill bit by Hell. Spangle and Hell get to the pink vehicle with the help of Looney Toons who dies after being shot. They also bust free the fertile females.
With their mission accomplished, they come across a masked man in the desert. Turns out that Devling was selling weapons to Frogtown all along. Once Devling is knocked off by Hell, Toty makes one last stand. Hell does a classic Rowdy Roddy move and finger pokes Toty's eyes on a cliff. After that Toty falls to his death leaving Hell plenty of time to do his duties for his country.
The movie itself is literally one sexual joke after another. If you have a 12 year old mentality then you'll love this flick. Take care of your best friends guys...no matter if its apes or toads taking over our planet all of humanity is counting on your sperm...well maybe not now...but you just wait...
You Have Aroused The Three Snakes - Spangle does her little routine for Commander Toty and finds out the three snakes are behind his loin cloth. See...now women have something to look forward to in the future. If one of the snakes...um...spits it's venom to early you'll have two reserves. All together they equal the best three minutes of your life baby...
Commander Toty - Why is this guy so miserable? He is the host of a famous show, is known world wide, and has an attractive pig for a girlfriend...oh wait wrong frog...
Captain Delving - Do you have post apocalyptic mood swings? Do you find yourself selling weapons to mutated frog people? You might be suffering from Sperm envy...
