TITLE: The Gingerdead Man

RELEASE DATE
:  2005

RATED: Unrated

REVIEWED BY
:  The DarkSider
THE PLOT: One has to stand in awe how Full Moon keeps digging up ridiculous concepts for movies.  Everything from puppets that spit out leeches to tiny galaxy fighters has been covered by Mr. Band's organization.  Now, a famous Christmas pastry takes up an attitude.  However I could find no other apparent reason to enjoy this film. 

The film starts with loony Millard Findlemeyer, played by the even more loony Gary Busey, holding up a diner.  He kills a father and son in front of a crying girl.  He spares the girls life and with that, the film fast forwards a few years.

The girl from the diner is named Sarah Leigh...yeah that is quite a cutesy name isn't it...oh but wait...the f*cking names get cutter if you can believe that.  Anyhow, Sarah works at a bakery once owned by her father.  She laments over her brother's untimely passing one evening and is startled by a knock on the door.  Turns out it�s a person delivering a gingerbread mix of some sort.

Sarah talks with her coworkers Julia and Brick about the good old days when her brother/father were still alive.  That and how she was responsible for Findlemeyer getting captured and being sent to the electric chair.  Apparently his ashes were sent to his mother who I think was some sort of evil sorcerer or something.  You know what, the movie doesn�t go much into it so why should I? 

Anyhow, turns out the gingerbread mix is actually Findlemeyer�s ashes.  Making sure safe food is being made, Brick cuts himself accidently and bleeds into the gingerbread mix.  He starts it up and all the while the mixture makes odd noises while being prepared. 

Following the Full Moon standard of having more pointless characters than useful ones, Sarah�s mother Betty Leigh is introduced.  She apparently likes the bottle and enjoys blasting a competitor�s shop across the street with her rifle.  That competitor  is one Jimmy Dean...sigh...yep, the stupid f*cking names continue.  Dean and his daughter Lorna offer to buy out the Leigh�s business but they decline.

Sarah starts to whip up a gingerbread man from the possessed mixture.  While the little fellow bakes, Sarah finds Lorna sabotaging the bakery with a rat.  The two get into a ridiculous and unfunny food fight which is broken up by Lorna�s boyfriend Amos.  Before you know it, the gingerbread man is done cooking thus cuing the Gingerdead Man. 

Ok...fans of the site will attest that I shed a decent amount of light on the plot.  But you know what, this movie sickened me so much that I will keep it to a few sentences because really, thats all the plot is worth.  Heres what you need to know;
1.) The Gingerdead Man stalks everyone in the bakery and for some odd reason they are scared sh*tless of a 2 foot tall pastry.

2.) Betty gets her finger lopped off, Julia gets whip creamed, Jimmy gets run over and Lorna gets a knife to the head.

3.) A ridiculous and drawn out romantic angle grows between Amos and Julia.  This has to be the most pathetic time killing attempt ever documented in movie history.

There, thats the whole mid section of the movie in three sentences.  To wrap things up, Brick intervenes last minute and kills off The Gingerdead Man by eating it�s head.  However, not realizing that eating possessed cookies can cause a person to go evil, Brick turns into Findlemeyer.  Aka, he gets a really lousy makeup job which rivals that of discount Halloween makeup sets and talks with Busey�s voice.  The kids throw him into the oven which kills him off for good.

Ok...deep breath...I had a high hope for this movie.  I really thought it would be another Jack Frost with a witty sense of humor and a decent helping of gore.  And yes, I�m sure some may find this film funny but it truly left me frustrated with Full Moon Pictures.  This film was on the top of my Blockbuster online que for 6 months and believe me it was not worth a second of waiting.  I doubt I will partake in Full Moon films in the near future because apparently they have fizzled out.

The Gingerdead Man is a pathetic attempt to recapture the glory days of the B-Movie producing giant.  Granted Full Moon has been known to give the world many useless films but this one takes the cake.  The flick had no original content nor any kind of imagination when it came to the script or the death scenes.  Sure the Gingerdead Man was amusing when he was on screen but that honestly made up less than two minutes the entire film. 

Perhaps the most pathetic thing is Band desperately trying to hide his obvious low budget by giving the viewer a plethora of useless dialog.  The most amazing aspect of the flick is that it hardly even reaches the one hour long mark minus opening and closing credits.  Pathetic...purely pathetic...sorry if I�m a bit downtrodden by a movie so ridiculous in plot ideas but frankly, I�ve had it with useless films getting made for the sake of a witty title. 

In other words...this film could have been huge pastry but ended up a stale cookie.  Every f*cking pun intended by the way...
IT�S THE INNARDS THAT COUNT (most gruesome/odd moments)
Nothing completely amazing or shocking here.  I imagine if the Pillsbury Doughboy was doing the killing it would have been much more graphic and worth while watching.
YOU�RE A GRAND OLD A-HOLE (the A-Holes of the film get their moment)
1.)
Gingerdead Man - Suggestion for Band, why not make a pointless sequel to the long line of pointless Amityville Horror movies.  How about �Gingerdead Man 2: Gingerbread House Of Evil�.
WHAT SANTA HAD TO SAY ABOUT THIS CRAP
"Don't worry kids, Santa will not bring you this video...he'd rather urinate in your stocking..."
OVERALL GRADE
NO SKULLS!!!
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