RELEASE DATE: 1973
RATED: R
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
The film begins with the credits rolling over time elapse shots of plants growing. Yes indeed, nothing like an exciting episode of Nova to grab your attention. Zzzzzzzz....oh sorry...anyhow we find out that the film of the oddly phallic shaped plants is part of an advanced bio-chem class Professor Nolter is teaching. Nolter is played by Donald Pleasence or better known to many as chief Michael Myers nemesis, Dr. Sam Loomis. Anyhow, he gives a rant on mutations and the future of cloning. In the class are fodder...um...I mean students Tony the smart ass, his chick Lauren, German chick Hedi and red head Bridget.
After class, everyone but Bridget goes to pick up a fellow scientist named Brian at the airport. Meanwhile Bridget takes a stroll through the park. She notices a midget (hehe) putting up a sign advertising a carnival freakshow. However as she continues to walk, more midgets come out (hehehehe). Fearing their midgetude, she runs for the hills. Personally I would have been excited to see that many midgets in one area but hey, thats just me. Anyhow, eventually she bumps into the lead henchman of the freaks Lynch who knocks her out.
Turns out, Nolter is the big pimp hand behind the freak show and Lynch is his personal bad ass. Lynch is horribly disfigured and is pulling jobs for Nolter because the professor agreed to make his face better. Turns out the professor has a mansion filled with mutant carnivorous plants that eat bunnies. Thats some funny sh*t right there. The professor and Lynch work on Bridget that evening injecting her with some stuff.
Anyhow, Brian arrives via stock footage of a plane landing. The group meet him there and immediately Hedi takes a liking to him. I should say now that Hedi's accent is definitely a riot. I kept wanting to say "JA" after everything she said.
The next day, Brian joins the group in class and witnesses Nolter's laser thinga-magiggar. The laser can either speed up or reverse the effects of bacteria growth on plants. After class Nolter brings Brian back to his mansion to show him his plant hybrids. He talks about the future of plants and how they will be mixed with human genes. That way they can be able to move around in case sun isn't available. Yeah, nothing like a hanging plant that leaves you after you pay 20 bucks for it...silly professor.
Meanwhile at the freakshow, the midgets are all talking about Bridget's abduction. Turns out they are all living in fear of Lynch. Oh and they mention a new attraction called The Lizard Woman. Gee I wonder who that could be?
The next night Tony, Lauren, Hedi and Brian all go on a double date to the carnival. While there they take in an amusing freakshow lead by lead ringmaster midget Burns. The act includes all sorts of human real life human oddities ranging from a reptile woman to a guy who can pop his eyes out to a pretzel guy...so on and so forth.
At the end of the show, Burns tells everyone of the newest attraction known as The Amazing Lizard Woman Of Tibet. This is available to the viewing public at a small fee. The group decides to check it out and Tony notices a medallion similar to one Bridget used to wear around Burns's neck. Lynch steps in and Burns lets the group know the show is sold out. Lynch meets up with Nolter after the show and Lynch agrees to abduct a male specimen.
Tony does a wonderful fodder move and heads back to the carnival alone. After uncovering the Lizard Woman which is quite grotesque, he gets abducted by Lynch after a chase. He ends up on Nolter's operating table. Meanwhile the freaks celebrate a birthday which ends abruptly when Lynch throws a temper tantrum when the freaks accept him (gooble gobble). Apparently he didn't want to be part of the freaks. Rather, he opts to go out and get himself a hooker who will love him the good old fashioned way.
A few days later the Lizard Woman dies of something or other. Lynch chucks her body into a lake somewhere. Also the freaks slowly start to turn on the abusive Lynch. To make matters worse for Nolter, Tony escapes from the mansion and gets into contact with Lauren. When the two meet up, we find out he has turned into a half cabbage/venus flytrap creature. Lauren is thrown into a state of shock after this encounter. Tony heads out and later makes a meal out of some whino.
Hedi becomes increasingly paranoid...you know with her friends dropping like flies and all. After inviting Brian over, she takes a bath and gets out to find cabbage Tony in her bedroom. He tells her of Nolter's evil experiments which she writes down and right after this, Lynch arrives to abduct her.
Brian arrives later to find her notes and heads off to Nolter's place. Hedi is in the middle of getting worked on by Nolter and Lynch when he arrives. He is greeted by Lynch at the gate who supplies him with a rock to the head. Before Lynch can do him in for good, the freaks come to save the day. Lynch becomes a human pin cushion when the freaks assault him with throwing knives. They leave him to get torn apart by the dogs. Meanwhile in the lab, Tony crashes through a window and devours the professor. The scuffle sets off a fire which Brian rescues Hedi from last minute.
The film is not exactly a rip off of Freaks but rather more of a tribute I would say. Although the effects and make up are a bit lame at times, the film carries the same theme as Browning's Freaks which is humanity and compassion exists in those who may not be of the norm in our society. Aka the freaks in the film and perhaps even me...actually wait a minute...lets not get that carried away.
1.) Freaky Deaky - The freak show provides some wierd looking human oddities that use their talents for money. However nowadays you can observe that whenever you see Keith Richards.
2.) Wheres The Plant Food Filling - Tony in plant form chews up Nolter leaving him a gooish mess. Tony's last known where abouts, a third grade production of Little Shop Of Horrors.
1.) Professor Nolter - Turning people into plants isn't all that bad. Think about it; the next time your significant other bitches about not getting flowers, you can wrap yourself in baby's breath and send yourself.
2.) Lynch - Before Extreme Makeover, people actually had to work hard killing for a living to go from scary to GQ. Yep, people today are just too f*cking lazy.
3.) The Midget Abductors - Ok, maybe they were coaxed into chasing Bridget by Lynch but I want to say these guys do NOT represent The Loli-Pop Guild.
