RELEASE DATE: 1984
RATED: Unrated
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider 11/4/7
Our film begins with some old dude hanging out. He gets interrupted by a meteor which lands nearby. He somehow hauls the thousand degree meteor inside his hut and forges a magical sword from hit. How do I know it is magical? Well it lights up in a plastic toy sword manner making it really pretty.
Cut to a village preparing a sacrifice of a young man. He gets stripped down and he does a rather big cannonball off the side of a cliff into some water. When he hit�s the water, we immediately get treated to a very awful camera angle which the viewer can see the sacrificial guy�s anus. He swims with a bunch of girls into a chamber which we find out is the territory of the Crocodile Queen. Who is this lovely woman? She so happens to be a naughty little girl with a rather large sex appetite. She needs young men constantly to fill her sexual needs. Not a bag gig if you�re a young Indonesian dude. Yeah I know what you�re saying, this is pretty f*cked up right? But wait, there�s more�
I should say now that I had a hard time finding correct name spellings for the film�s characters so I guess I�ll spell them the way they sound. The Crocodile Queen calls upon a mighty warrior named Banujaga. The camera focuses on a rock somewhere in the mountain which explodes revealing the evil warrior. Why does he live in a rock? Aside from the cheap to nothing rent, I have no clue. Banujaga is told by the Queen to break up the marriage of two folks named Pitaloca and Sanjaya. No, not the kid who was on American Idol pretending to sing, Sanjaya who lives in the village. (Note to reader; a few years down the road I hope no one gets that joke which would prove his 15 minutes of fame are truly up.) Anyhow, Banujaga breaks off a rock which somehow floats and acts as a means of transportation.
Hmmmm�ok�anyhow he ends up at the village and disrupts the wedding demanding Sanjaya to come with him. Does Sanjaya man up and say �oh no you don�t rock riding warrior, come fight me to the death�? Nope, he hides behind his future father in law and eventually his own bride to be. Is this guy fighting for really? Well the villagers think he is and a bunch of fightin� ensue. People get their heads lopped off, impaled and generally beaten badly. One thing is apparent, Banujaga�s blows are so powerful that people float in the air in a physics challenging manner after getting hit with them. Odd indeed.
Well, after dealing an ass-whopping, Banujaga is challenged by a mysterious man on a horse. This would be our hero Mandala who sets up the whole �we trained together but now hate each other like ex-roommates� angle with Banujaga. The two battle away and Mandala gets the upper hand. However, Banujaga somehow summons the mighty Crocodile Men from the ground. Actually�they were a bunch of guys with tarps over their head. By the way, why would Crocodile Men rise from the ground? I�d assume water would be more natural.
Anyhow, Banujaga whisks Sanjaya away like the wuss he is and bunny hops (literally) over the mountain to the waiting Crocodile Queen. It becomes apparent that the Crocodile Queen has a cage full of men in rather rough shape. Sanjaya seems to have gotten over his to be wife rather quickly and makes out with the Queen on a rotating, flaming wok. Yeah I know what you�re saying, this is pretty f*cked up right? But wait, there�s more�
Mandala feels a disruption in the force and immediately rides out to his fallen Master who is a little worse for wear. He talks of being poisoned by red snake venom and Mandala immediately rides into action. He gallops to a forest and seeks out some glowing mushrooms which give off strong winds. Side note, I imagine one has to be on such mushrooms to get this movie. Mandala makes it back to his Master and stirs up a witch�s brew from the magical mushrooms. Apparently it was a potent mixture because the Master�s head starts to smoke�literally. The Master says his legs are highly infected and must be removed. Mandala agrees and severs the legs just in time to save him.
Mandala saddles up and heads off on his quest. However, first he runs into Pitaloca on a mountainside. She says that she is out to avenge the abduction of her husband. Mandala assures her that he is on the case and not to worry. Still Pitaloca insists she goes, Mandala insists she stays, blah blah blah. It goes on like this for awhile until Pitaloca saddles up with Mandala. Out of curiosity, why do good guys never want anyone with them on dangerous tasks. Hell, if that was me I�d take anyone interested.
Meanwhile back at the Crocodile Queen�s shag pad, Banujaga pays her a visit. Through what I thought resembled glowing fish tank gravel, she informs Banujaga to Mandala�s whereabouts. The Queen then stares at him for a bit and decides she want a little piece of Banujaga�s action. The two go at it for a bit in a nearby bed and out of nowhere, they end up floating in water together. Then out of nowhere, she turns into a crocodile during the act. Yeah I know what you�re saying, this is pretty f*cked up right? But wait, there�s more�
Mandala and Pitaloca get to a nearby river and a dark figure arrives on a bamboo float. It turns out he is a skeleton so I guess that makes this river the Indonesian Styx or something. Either that or the raft rower is severely malnourished and overworked. During their voyage, the group are attacked by Crocodile Men this time looking a bit more crocodile but still rather crappy. Through a lousy backwards footage effect, they leap out of the water to fight the travelers. The Crocodile Men get their asses handed to them and retreat.
So, here the film switches back to two of the big four bad guys hanging out in front of the cave. Somehow they received directions to the location of the Devil�s Sword. The two baddies, the woman with a broom/whip device and the guy with the awkward cone shaped weapon, are quickly joined by two dudes in all black. Who are these guys? I have no frickin� clue but they are off�d pretty darn quickly. Anyhow, the remaining two arrive and all of the poorly costumed folks decide to fight to the death. I should point out that the woman sporting the broom has blackout on her teeth and the application is a bit unsatisfactory.
The vicious but hilarious fight between the four kicks off and it�s a messy affair. First to go is the cone wielding guy who gets ripped apart. The next to go is the snake stick wielder who gets double teamed by broom wielder and Banujaga. Finally Banujaga agrees with broom wielder to enter the cave and share the sword. The broom wielder stupidly turns her back on Banujaga and he slices her in half. However, through her dark magic she super glues herself back together. However, Banujaga aims a bit higher the second time and lops off her head.
Captain Jack's Search For A New High
While Banujaga heads for the sword Pitaloca trips him setting off another insane fight. Pitaloca keeps butting in and gets her ass handed to her constantly. Mandala and Banujaga use a ghetto version of Force lightning which accomplishes pretty much nothing. However, Mandala gets hold of the devil�s sword and slices Banujaga up good. Disgraced, the evil warrior heads back to the Crocodile Queen and after facing a laser beam shooting stone dragon, gets burnt up in the wok of love. Yeah I know what you�re saying, this is pretty f*cked up right? But wait, there�s more�
So, Mandala and Pitaloca make it to a river and decide to swim underwater to find the Crocodile Queen�s love den. I have to say they must have gills because they were underwater longer than any human could survive. When they surface, they find themselves inside the Crocodile Queen�s lair. Pitaloca, after a few choice words for Ms. Crocodile, finds her husband still very not wearing the pants in the relationship. She goes to battle once again for the useless sack and gets captured by the Crocodile Men. Mandala topples his adversaries but quickly finds himself under a trance by the Queen�s glare.
Meanwhile, several huts away the Master is visited by his Master who tells him of the last paragraph�s on goings. He insists that he uses his telepathy powers to free Mandala of the spell. Hmmmm�so�if he�s the Master�s Master couldn�t he have done that? Maybe he is a retired Master or something.
The Master conjures up a prayer for Mandala who is basking in the afterglow of The Crocodile Queen's lovin'. Queenie tries to take out the Devil's Sword but it smokes in her hand as it refuses to come out. Mandala, realizing he just screwed a reptile, comes to his senses and whips out the Devil's Sword.
With the Crocodile Queen's grasp of her sex slaves crushed, all are freed. Sanjaya and Pitaloca reunite and appear to be in love once again. (Side note, I hope Sanjaya used a condom on the Crocodile Queen for Pitaloca's sake.) Meanwhile, Mandala bids them adieux and heads off into the sunset towards another destiny. Yeah I know what you're saying, thats pretty f*cked up right? Sorry to say, thats it for the movie.
I recall growing up watching really awful-fu flicks on Saturday morning television. Granted it wasn't exactly the martial arts per se that were bad. It was just the principle of guys jumping 20 feet in the air to throw a kick and people getting gorily knocked off. Mix that with ridiculous plot lines and all of that equals bad. The Devil's Sword happens to be one of those films.
This film is downright un-frickin-believable. The effects were more than corny, the dialog was filled with clich�s and the costumes looked recycled from a Halloween store's dumpster. However, I'm proud to admit that all of these things made for an awesome viewing experience. In other words, this film rocked for reasons most mainstream movie fans just wouldn�t understand.
Indeed in several scenes you can see obvious support cords holding the actors up, dummies are often used as stunt doubles and the actors seemed to have the leaping ability of a frog on steroids. However, mix this corniness with simply odd ideas/visuals and you have yourself a shockingly awesome film.
The gore in the film is on tap and flowing which makes the fight scenes even more enjoyable to watch. For some reason while watching this, I kept comparing it to The Story Of Ricky. Quite frankly, this film may not be at the same level but it is pretty darn close. Much like The Story Of Ricky, it is always a simple wait to see how one scene outdoes another in the realm of craziness.
I love 80s Indonesian cinema like this film. They are filled with cheese and unintentional hilarity but try hard to emulate/compete with the American action films of that decade. These movies are never afraid to push an envelope no batter how bad the envelope is to push.
