RELEASE DATE: 1992
RATED: R
REVIEWD BY: The DarkSider - 5/10/05
The movie starts off with archeologist Bob Larabe on a dig in Mexico. While opening a tomb, he is crushed by the door and dies. An immense evil spirit flies out of the ruins. Well...actually it was more or less a really bad special effect job that consisted of few orange lights. None the less, the spirit takes up residence in a local run down factory.
Time to meet the Read family who are on a plane heading to Mexico. They consist of glass half full father Elliot (Sam Bottoms), glass half empty mother Marilyn (Denise Crosby), noxiously cute daughter Jessica, and son Jimmy who I think was supposed to be the comic relief in the film. I didn't notice much comedy nor relief in this film to be honest. We find out that Elliot has given up his life on the west coast and plans to start a doll company in Mexico.
When the family makes it to the land of tequila, they are greeted by their real estate agent at the airport. He brings them to their new home which is already equipped with a maid. Apparently she came with the closing on the house or something. Elliot heads off with the agent to find out the factory investment wasn't exactly what he had planned. The place used to be an old doll factory but was a run down heap. This hit me as odd because if you were going to sell away your life and move to Mexico, wouldn't you make sure the place you were buying was tip top before the sale? Might as well invest in Enron stocks while you're at it.
While visiting the shack of a factory, Elliot spots some dolls from the former owner. How is this s**t related to the evil spirit and the tomb at the start of the movie? Well the tomb is right next door to the factory Elliot blew his money on and is where the spirit went.
Elliot gives the doll to Jessica who immediately becomes attached to it. Stuff starts happening around the house immediately. Jessica starts to go haywire when a priest blesses the house. She also starts to take a strong dislike for the maid who was a big religious fanatic. Marilyn notices all of this plus overhears Jessica talking to dolly in her playhouse and finds some odd drawings that Jessica said dolly wanted her to draw.
Moving right along at a pace that would make elderly drivers say "F*king Move", Jessica starts to change in major ways. She actually cuts her hair to match dolly. I can relate...when I was young I had a hard time explaining why I styled my hair like my Zartan from GI Joe...parents just don't understand as the song goes. Also during one altercation, she knocks a hand full of plates out of the maid's hands and utters some strange words. The maid steps back and says these are the ancient words of the Sanzia. Oooooooh...Sanzia...scary word...need explanation...
Cue archeologist Karl Resnick played by a horribly miscast Rip Torn. Torn is a great actor but I just couldn't accept him in this role. Maybe it was just me but I think he was supposed to have a Spanish accent. This was pulled off with the same frequency as the English accent Keanu Reeves uses in Dracula. It goes in and out worst than a black and white tv with no antenna. Getting back to the point at hand, Resnick takes up Larabe's work at the tomb. He meets the Read family and explains to Marilyn, who at this point was leery of dolly, what is in the tomb.
The tomb was made by the Sanzia who were a very mean group of people. It turns out 900 years ago they created the devil child who came into the earth with a goat head and human body. To make him more evil, they would do all sorts of things to make him irritated such as feed him baby's blood, force him to listen to Jethro Tull, etc. Eventually the child became to evil and the clan of baddies had to put it down. All of this was supposed to be myths according to Resnick.
Ahh but we know better don't we. Turns out, the devil child's spirit is what took over the old dolls in the factory. The doll with Jessica bumps off the maid and slowly starts to take over Jessica's soul. Meanwhile as Elliot gets the factory together, one of the night watchmen gets knocked off by the other dolls. Let me just say at this point how lame the special effects are with this doll. I mean Teddy Ruxpin in the 80s had more animation than these dolls did for f*cks sake.
Marilyn decides to seek the help of the deceased maid's sister who is a nun. She asks the bitter nun for advice because in Marilyn's words,
"I'm not losing my daughter to a god*mn 900 year old goat head!"
Yeah nothing like take the lord's name in vain in a convent no less dipsh*t. Marilyn finds out that evil can take on any form it wants. In this case, Jessica's doll as well as the other dolls in the factory.
She rushes home to deal with dolly who at this point was not hiding her true identity. After a small fight, dolly is blown away by Jimmy and Jessica turns back to normal. Meanwhile across town, while searching the actual tomb Resnick finds out the myths are true when he digs up the devil child's rotted corpse. He runs in the factory just in time to save Elliot who was being "played with" by the remaining dolls. In a climax that looked like it was thrown together last minute, Elliot and Resnick blow up the factory with the dolls inside.
Is it the worst killer toy movie out there...not exactly. There are a few well timed scares and freaky scenes with dolly running around. Although the special effects sucked, I do like the actual design of the evil doll. However, I still say that the doll who wets her pants is by far much more evil than these little b*tches.
Sew Me - The night watchman gets knocked off by the dollies in the factory. He accidently puts his hand under a sewing machine needle as it punctures his hand. Looking back, home economics class would have been a lot more b*tchin for me if stuff like this happened on a regular basis.
Dolly's Special-Ed Effects - Note to film makers...if the highlight of your special effects crew is having the doll wave goodbye and turn it's head you may want to put a listing into the want ads for a new team.
The Devil Child (aka Dolly Dearest) - 900 years of evil Sanzia training down the drain when this little sh*t decides to jump into a generic doll...you can almost hear the sounds of the Sanzia slapping their foreheads in hell...
Thank you for joining us...today's match up is a 2 on 1 handicap fight...here are the combatants...
Dolly Dearest
vs
The Maid and Her Nun Sister
RESULTS: The maid although she constantly prayed gets electrocuted not even half way in and when Marilyn asks for divine intervention against the Sanzia's devil child...what advice does our nun friend give...pray...
Turns out Dolly Dearest is nothing a few sticks of dynamite and a double barrel shot gun can't handle:
The Winnah This Round- The Evil A-Holes
Score After Two Reviews: The Evil A-Holes: 2 Holy Rollers: 0
