RELEASE DATE: 1957
RATED: Unrated
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
Anyhow, our Corman classic begins with written narration (you know what that means for the plot) about freaky deaky things happening on an Pacific island somewhere. The narration tells the viewer that it is �your job to find out why�. Why, well my guess would be the script writers had no clue what was going on either at this point.
Before the narration starts sounding too much like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, we get treated to stock footage of a nuclear blast�and another�and another�and�I think you get the point. Just know that this film contained so many nuclear blasts that I was afraid the DVD had radiation on it. After this carnage comes tons of tidal waves that wipe out a few houses here and there.
Cut to our happy bunch of brainiacs landing on a Pacific island. Let me get out my Romper Room mirror to see who is arriving. I see manly man Hank, his personality opposite Dale and his girlfriend Martha who are both biologists, nuclear physicist Karl, annoying French botanist Jules, James the geologist and a bunch of Navy personnel including two explosive experts. They are brought ashore by a Lt. Quinlan and immediately we find out that a scientist buddy of theirs, McClain , disappeared from the island not so long ago.
While unloading the boat, a member of the Navy crew falls out into the ocean. What I found particularly odd about this scene is the fact that the crew member fell off the boat two feet off shore and found himself under 6 or 7 feet of water. Either that island has one hell of a drop off or its plot stupidity. I pick the latter of the two. Anyhow, something large underneath him bites his head off.
The group make it up to the island hut and one thing is apparent. The island is extremely unstable and very noisy. We find out that McClain�s journal is all that is left of his studies on the island. Lt. Quinlan bids everyone adieux and takes off with the rest of his crew. Before he leaves though he informs the group that he will inform others of their existence on the island. Of course this never happens because the plain is blown up in mid flight for no apparent reason.
Hank plays around with the radio to see if he can get on the Navy bands. However he is unable to pick up anything on the radio. Later that evening, everyone sits around while Karl reads from McClain�s journal. He talks of working on a 5 foot worm with nearly impervious skin. Sounds like a good fishing bait to me. Anyhow, the journal entry abruptly ends which confuses everyone. Hank, being the only smart one on the island, immediately knows there is something fishy going on.
At this point the island starts to shake again and fall apart. Most of the group head off to bed but Hank stays awake. After covering up a few random lab rats (not sure who brought them there although I�m assuming Dale has rectal use for them) he walks in on Dale and Karl having a conversation about the journal again. Then we get treated to the distinct sound of the crabs walking. This is later described by one of the Navy guys as the sound of a child dragging a stick on a picket fence. Well put indeed. Way to go sound department.
The next day Martha goes underwater diving in the sea. I have to admit that it more or less seemed like the local sea aquarium with tons of large fish swimming about around her. I was actually waiting to see some kid�s nose pressed up against a glass window watching Martha to be honest with you. Anyhow Dale, with apparently nothing else better to do, sneaks up on Martha underwater and the two make their way to shore. Martha makes mention of how she was using a dark rock as a marking point but it disappeared. DUN DUN DAHHHH.
After the group goes to bed for the day, Martha hears the voice of McClain calling for her. Ok, I must stop here to explore this aspect of the film. You see, the voice of fallen friends is later explained in the plot in �just go with it� fashion. However the voice more or less reminded me of Jor-El�s in the Fortress Of Solitude. Odd part about it is that no one on the island finds the reverb a little suspicious.
The others on the island arrive and find Martha. They call down to Jim who answers up to them that his leg is wounded. A few of the group go on a search for Jim while Dale takes Martha back to the island house. Once they get there, they hear the crab monster sound from the next room over. Dale goes into the room only to be greeted by a giant claw. Dale runs like a sissy into Martha�s arms and shudders. Meanwhile across the island, the search for Jim is called off when it yields no results.
The group reunite at the house and they notice the communications have been cut by the crab. A few scenes later the group decide to go out on the Jim search again. However, the island starts to shake and Jules�s hand gets smashed off by a rock. I�m assuming it was bad karma for all the awful jokes he told throughout the movie.
Jules gets bandaged up back at the island house. In the meantime, the Navy guys fulfill their killing fodder role and become lunch for the crabs. Later that evening, Jules gets summoned by Jim�s voice and he finds himself a lovely French dish for one of the crabs. So then there were three morons and one smart guy on the island left.
After the final four find the gnawed up bodies of the Navy guys, they get summoned by the voice of Jules. The group goes on yet another search for Jules. Looking now at my notes on the film, I can honestly say most of the hour long or so endeavor is mostly people searching only to get no results. Well this search sees the group coming face to face with the film�s title creature. They chuck grenades at it and finally are able to take one down. They collect a giant claw as a sample but immediately find themselves under attack from another crab. Karl gets some pictures of the crab before they run out.
The group go back to the house again and finally, as stupid as it is, we get a little plot exposition. Ok here we go�deep breath�the crabs are the direct cause of nuclear blasts and have mutated into giant form and they are able to inherit their victim�s brains who gladly assume the crab creature�s form and one of the crabs is pregnant and their shell are tough to everything but an electrical charge. Gasp�ok, feel free to go over than nonsense again. I could ask the question what happens when one crab eats multiple people, do their brains battle over who controls the crab? I won�t though because the plot pretty much begs you to go on.
Anyhow, the remaining four set up oversized muscle stimulators to try to zap the crabs. Karl and Dale find oil on the island and decide to find out where it goes. Why, because they don�t have anything else better to do like avoiding 50 foot crabs. Meanwhile, a really brief romantic angle is explored with Martha and Hank. Why, because they don�t have anything else better to do like avoiding 50 foot crabs.
Way too long story short, Karl follows the oil trail right into a crab�s mouth. At this point the whole island starts to crumble into a few rocks. The final three battle the last crab with Hank doing most of the work while Dale and Martha hug each other. No surprise there. Hank doesn�t time a grenade explosion correctly and wounds himself.
Attack Of The Crab Monsters is a staple of any bad ocean monster movie collection. The movie is classic Corman cheese and proves to be a ton of fun to watch. The acting is more wooden than a totem poll and the creature effects leave a lot to be desired. Still, one should have a soft spot for the film�s attempt to be terrorizing. In other words, although this flick gives you crabs, you�d stay with it for a good time.
1.) Feeling A Bit Crabby - The crab monsters bite the heads off their victims and are able to project their voices from the great beyond. Almost like that John Edward guy minus the head biting and the crabs seem to be more successful at being clairvoyant.
