RELEASE DATE: 1989
RATED: R
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
We start our film adventure in Nam or what I guess is supposed to be Nam. After a bunch of first person shots which I guess is supposed to excite the viewer, we get introduced to the main players Billy and Scott. Billy is played by Ferrigno and Scott is played by Reb Brown who many may recall as playing Captain America. Oh Christ, two comic book actors in one movie...my head may explode by the time I get to the end of this review.
Anyhow, their men are taking heavy firepower from the VC and they decide to set up in a open field while they wait for the chopper. Hmmm, I wonder if the military has stupidity awards for worst use of camouflage and cover.
The chopper makes it to the men and Billy runs over to it. However Scott lags behind and is able to grab hold of Billy's hand as they fly away. Unfortunately for Billy, he gets a bullet in the head which makes him pass out. Still, he is apparently able to hold on to a 200 plus pound body while unconscious. Odd indeed.
So this cues up probably one of the most disturbing montages I�ve ever seen in a movie. I blame this primarily on the choice of theme song which is kind of reminiscent of Dionne Warwick�s. �I�ll never love this way again�. This hit me as odd seeing the first five minutes were filled with guns and explosions. Oh but it gets much more odd than that in this montage. You see, Scott is apparently Billy�s roommate and is constantly looking after his friend. They hold hands, Scott apparently gets him a few stuffed animals and he never leaves Billy�s side while he rehabilitates.
Ok, so right now I�m assuming a few people may be thinking the same thing I am. These guys apparently have more than just a friendship. Then I�m sure theres other folks who feel that I�m looking a bit too far into this and that they are two men bound by a strong friendship. Perhaps they are just that and its never really revealed either way. However to back up my point, just imagine Rocky and Apollo�s training montage in Rocky 3 with them running around sweaty, shirtless embracing each other without Survivor blasting in the background. Add in a soft R&B track and you tell me what side you�d be on.
Fast forward to the late 80s where there is illegal cage fighting going on in the Chinatown area. The Chinese mafia�s fightin� man is a dude named Chang. Chang is played by, 80s old school wrestling fans rejoice, Tiger Chung Lee. Wise guy wanna-bes Tony and Mario�s guy gets his ass handed to him and they have to pay the Chinese boss Tin Lum Yin. Tony assures him that the money will be paid up in a few days. Oh I should mention too that there is a female dressed incognito taking pictures of the fight. Does she matter to the plot now, not really. Will she matter to the plot later�um�not really.
Cut to our heroes Scott and Billy walking to their bar. Apparently the bullet to his head has left Billy in a handicapped state. At this point the questionable sexuality between the men kind of goes away. Then it comes back when the boys talk about wrestling and how Scott is still sore from the other night. Hmmmmm�I almost had forgotten about the opening sequence too. On a side note, I have to admit Ferrigno did do a decent job in this role. Granted I don�t know if that�s a compliment ever to say someone plays a mentally challenged role to a tee. Well maybe it is for Leo Dicaprio.
Anyhow, they get to their bar which is managed by a woman named Meme. Through a little too convenient plot exposition, we find out Scott is in debt. However, his problems are about to get even more lousy. The bar is visited by way too token Mexican bad asses who are led by Diablo and Mono. They raise trouble while saying stuff like �Heyyyyyy, I�m er� to party mang� while drinking tequila .
Speaking of bad stereotypes, Tony and Mario are in the bar and they watch as Scott and Billy beat the crap out of the Mexicans. They note that the boys sure can fight and approach them after the scuffle. Scott refuses to fight and says that Billy won�t fight for them either.
It turns out Meme was in the bar when it burnt up and Scott/Billy are devastated. Scott immediately is faced with bank harassment and does his best to come up with the money. However, unbeknownst him Billy is abducted by Mario and Tony. They successfully convince him to join the festivities at the cage matches. Also at this point a friendship (or should I use the term �relationship�) forms between Mario and Billy.
Meanwhile, Scott talks to local law enforcement about the missing Billy. They aren�t much of a help but a bit of plot stupidity happens to clue him to where to find answers. You see, the officer he talks to has a coffee mug with a devil�s picture on it. He somehow equates this to a tattoo he saw on Diablo several scenes ago. So, apparently Diablo got his ink based on a coffee mug. This is all so stupid to handle.
Oh, by the way the mystery photographer chick gets abducted by Yin�s men and is introduced as a Morgan Barrett. No need to care too much about that though.
Scott hops in his jeep and finds the Mexican gang. He runs in with a sawed off shotgun and asks where he can find Diablo. When they refuse to answer he shows them who is boss. Does he rip into bodies with some 12 gauge rounds�um�no�actually he shoots a television and a pool table in a rather non-threatening manner. Of course after this idiotic waste of ammo, the Mexicans still don�t give in.
Mono turns tail and bolts which gives way to a chase scene. Scott is followed by some Mexicans who end up crashing into a parked tomato delivery truck. I guess the tomatoes were being used for an impressive slow motion effect or something. Scott eventually finds Diablo and Mono and gets the answers he wants. Scott finally figures out bullets are for bodies in action films and takes out Diablo. Mono gets taken out with a Molotov cocktail which I suppose was supposed to be a �yeah take that bad Mexican guy� revenge scene.
Scott follows clues to the cage matches in Chinatown. Meanwhile inside, Tony talks to Yin about his newest find which Yin shucks off. This is because the fighter is not proven. Just in time, big time mob man Costello comes in and offers up one of his own fighters which Yin also shucks off. This creates a qualifying match between Billy and Costello�s guy. I should note that Costello is played by long time journeyman Al Ruscio who for some reason I can�t recall too many roles where he isn�t a mob boss.
However before the big match we get to this we get introduced to another pretty much useless character, Tiger Joe played by �that guy� Asian actor Al Leong. He is an undercover cop that Costello recognizes and is thrown into the dungeon with equally unimportant character Barrett. Anyhow, Scott ends up joining them shortly after being captures by Yin�s men.
The na�ve Billy goes into his first match and gets his ass kicked at first. However, he quickly comes alive and beats the snot of Costello�s guy. Yin sets up a match with Chang the same evening and Mario talks the reluctant Billy into fighting once again. During the match, Chang is killed off after a long brutal battle. Yin once again sets up another match for the evening. This time with the dreaded East Coast champion. Who the hell is this guy you ask. Someone, who up until the last 10 minutes, the movie neglects to get mention. I swear this plot line is held together by tape.
Everyone bad is pretty dead at this point. Nope I�m not being lazy either, everyone miraculously dies if they are or were once evil in the movie. Tony, Yin, Costello, whoever whoever whoever are all dead. The good guys remain standing and Tiger Joe finds some money which he graciously gives Scott and Billy to rebuild the bar. The film ends with a shot of a Billy�s Oyster Bar which I guess is Billy�s new hot spot. Side note, I wonder if they paid the owner of the real Billy�s Oyster Bar for this final shot. If I had a business I wouldn�t have wanted it plastered anywhere in this film.
In all actuality Cage wasn�t the worst fighting movies ever produced. As already mentioned, Ferrigno�s performance was refreshing and almost, dare I say it, touching. Perhaps its because up until this point he had been known for smashing through walls and demolishing people. The rest of the acting staff really don�t do all that bad with the horrid script they were provided.
Still, the film suffers most in the plot line which pretty much falls apart in places. For example, the whole Barrett angle is never explained officially and pretty much serves useless. That and the stereotypical bad guys were a little too hard to believe. You have sleazy Mexicans, wise cracking mob guys and silent yet menacing Asian guys. I haven�t seen those before, no way indeed.
Cage is one of those actioners that really never gets off it�s feet. Still, its worth a spin if you like 80s muscle cheese. The film did produce a sequel in which Scott and Billy get hired as ranch hands and admit their feelings for each other inside a tent one cold evening.. Ok�perhaps that a lie but the way this film was set it up, it might as well have happened in the sequel.
