RELEASE DATE: 1999
RATED: R
REVIEWED BY: The DarkSider
The story opens with business folk Cindy and Harold showing up at a mansion. She informs him that the billionaire genius inside, Virgil Travis, is a bit eccentric. Oh great, gotta love that angle. Anyhow before she even sets foot in the house she mentions all the oddities inside which include;
1.) Mr. Travis who wears a steel mask.
2.) His assistant Mr. Mascaro who wears clown makeup.
3.) A sadist little person named Hylas played by Phil Fondacaro. A hero of this site.
4.) An industrial band who sound a bit like Lords Of Acid minus 75% of the talent. Hylas gets to torture them in their cage with electricity whenever Travis requests a song to be played.
So yep, heres Band trying to be shocking but it really only ends up as idiotic. Anyhow, Travis greets his business friends and shows off a of his new toys. These toys are the first two of the Blood Dolls which consists of a pimped out clown doll and a muscle headed tattoo guy. Long story short, Travis punishes his business friends killing off Harold and turning Cindy into a doll using a shrinking thinga-magiggar. In between all this he takes off his mask to reveal he has a head the size of an orange. How cute...in a disgusting way.
Meanwhile Travis�s rival tycoons Harrison Yulin, his wife Moira, Mercy Shaw and George Warbeck are celebrating his loss. Travis spies on them with some sort of camera and notes Harrison is a genius. However, through a plot twist that really had no point, we find out Harrison is an �M� in a �S� relationship with his mistress wife Moira. She in fact is the brains behind the outfit which no one knows about.
Figuring it was just about time to involve the subjects of the movie�s title, Travis sends Mascaro out with the Blood Dolls. Their first target is Warbeck who gets taken out quite easily. Mercy finds out about this incident and tells Harrison (under Moira�s control) that she is leaving town. This goes quite unsuccessfully when she gets bumped off before leaving.
Moira somehow acquires video tape of Warbeck�s house the night of the murder. She figures out the whole Blood Doll thing and sets up security measures that fry the pimp doll when they try to attack Harrison. Travis doesn�t take too kindly to this but Moira springs a new plan into motion. Under the guise of a caring wife, she visits Travis to plead for her husband�s life. Travis doesn�t budge but promises that she will not be harmed.
During a pleasant night of bondage, Moira leaves Harrison at the disposal of the Blood Dolls. She calls up Travis claiming to be under the attack of the Blood Dolls. Travis panics and calls them off telling them he invented them. Moira gets all this on tape as well as a video of her husband�s murder. Having Travis by the balls she agrees to meet up with him to discuss the terms.
At this point, I swear Band just said �aw f*ck it� and decided to end the movie. Moira, for no apparent reason, turns over all the evidence to Travis because she really, really likes him. Um ok...anyhow, she asks Travis to marry her so they can make the fraud dream team. Travis agrees but during the ceremony, the Blood Dolls attack and Travis floods the house with gas. Everyone dies except the band who escapes with the Dolls.
Figuring the movie was over, I almost turned it off. However, Mascaro arrives to tell the viewer that they couldn�t decide on an ending for the movie. On a side note, I guess that pretty much went for the plot also. So an alternative ending is shown where everyone lives happily every after.
Blood Dolls may be wonderfully odd but its completely without a plot. The shooting of the film consisted mostly of two different locations and was a complete bore. The Blood Doll animation was atrocious consisting of an arm or two lifting occasionally.
Indeed Band has and continues to give the B-movie community ammo for reviews. Puppet Master and Demonic Toys proved to be entertaining while Blood Dolls was just plain corny. Watching Full Moon films is a bit like playing Russian Roulette with your money.
1.) Driller Killer - Harold gets knocked off when Travis ties him down to a chair and drills a hole in his chest. Aka death served up home improvement style.
2.) All Dolled Up - The Dolls poke and prod away at their victims although I had a hard time believing a knife the size of a half a tooth pick was threatening.
3.) Whip It Baby - Harrison gets bumped off by the Dolls when they tighten up a piano wire torture device around his whole body. Call them Mistress Blood Dolls godammit.
1.) Travis - So Destro is walking on the beach and finds a genie lamp. The genie is a beautiful female who tells him she�ll grant one of his wishes. He asks her to �f*ck him� and she says �no�. He then says, �Ok, how about a little head�.
2.) Moira - Just proof once again that behind every successful businessman is a whip wielding dominatrix.
3.) The Blood Dolls - These action figures really don�t have a lot of �action�.
4.) Mr. Mascaro - I wonder who replies to a want ad which reads �Clown Butler Wanted�.
5.) Hylas - Phil Fondacaro as a patch eyed, sadistic CD changer. Well at least Travis has a portable CD changer that can fit in his trunk with ease.
