Miss Baxter, Miss Baxter! Mary Sunshine from The Evening Star. Would you mind
saying a word or two?
[Kitty Baxter]
Sure l'll say three. Go to hell!
[Billy Flynn]
Please direct your question to the counsel.
[Kitty Baxter]
Tell the counsel I want my money back!
[Billy Flynn]
It's not your money. It's your mother's money.
[Mary Sunshine]
Are you sorry, dear?
[Kitty Baxter]
Yeah, I'm sorry, I�m sorry that I got caught.
[Roxie Hart]
Hey, Miss Sunshine.
[Mary Sunshine]
Hello, Roxie.
[Roxie Hart]
I got a letter from a guy. He says he gonna hungry strike till I'm free.
[Mary Sunshine]
That's nice, dear.
[Reporter]
Miss Baxter, did you know these two ladies personally?
[Kitty Baxter]
Did I know these two ladies personally? Was that your question?
[Reporter]
Yeah, that's my...
(Kitty kick reporter)
[Mama Morton]
She's hot stuff, isn't she? Miss Baxter...
[Roxie Hart]
Hey, Mr. Flynn.
[Billy Flynn]
Yeah, hi, Trixie.
[Roxie Hart]
lt's Roxie.
[Billy Flynn]
Yeah, sure, I'm just kidding.
[Roxie Hart]
Did you get my trial date yet?
[Billy Flynn]
Listen, kid.
[Roxie Hart]
I'm on top of your list, right?
[Kitty Baxter]
Go to hell!
[Billy Flynn]
What a helling, huh? And social-like too. Her mother owns all the pineapples
in Hawaii.
[Roxie Hart]
What the hell do I care about pineapples?
[Billy Flynn]
All right... That's all for the questions. And l'll be happy to give you a live
interview, myself.
[Roxie Hart]
Billy...
[Velma Kelly]
How does it feel, kid? J. Edgar Hoover couldn't find your name in the papers.
[Roxie Hart]
Mr. Flynn? (passes out)
[Billy Flynn]
Someone open the door immediately.
[Mary Sunshine]
Oh, my god. Roxie!
[Roxie Hart]
Oh, no. Don't worry about me. I only hope the fall didn't hurt the baby.
[Mama Morton]
Baby?
[Velma Kelly]
Shit!
[Billy Flynn]
Well, doctor, is she or isn't she?
[Doctor]
She is.
[Billy Flynn]
Would you swear that statement in court?
[Doctor]
Yes.
[Billy Flynn]
Good. button your fly.
[Roxie Hart]
I would just like to say that my own life doesn't matter now. It's just that
of my unborn child.
[Mary Sunshine]
You, Poor girl, to have your baby born in jail. My readers won't stand for it.
[Billy Flynn]
I can assure you that won't happen, Miss Sunshine. The trial will be set in the
earliest possible date.
[Mama Morton]
I think it�s sweet, first time we've ever had one of our girls knocked up before.
[Amos Hart]
Hey, Roxie... Roxie! I just heard the good news! I'm the father.
[Reporter]
Hey, Roxie, who's the father?
[Billy Flynn]
The question is completely out of line. How dare you insult this brave young
woman?
[Amos Hart]
Roxie, honey! It's me, it's daddy! Roxie, Icame to you as soon as I could. Hey!
If someone stood up in a crowd
And raised his voice up way out loud
And waved his arm and shook his leg
You'd notice him
If someone in the movie show
Yelled "Fire in the second row"
This whole place is a powder keg!
You'd notice him
And even without clucking like a hen
Everyone gets noticed, now and then,
Unless, of course, that personage should be
Invisible, inconsequential me!
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there...
I tell you
Cellophane
Mister
Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister
Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there...
[Billy Flynn]
Oh, l didn't see you.
Sit down.
Look, Andy, I'm afraid I've gotta hit you hard.
I can only hope you would think about it.
[Amos Hart]
Amos, my name is Amos.
[Billy Flynn]
Who said it wasn't?
No, it was the kid's name i was thinking about.
You know when she is due?
September.
Eh, but we�ll pass out those cigars anyway.
I don't want you to give a damn when the people.
[Amos Hart]
People what?
[Billy Flynn]
Laugh.
[Amos Hart]
Laugh? Why would they laugh?
[Billy Flynn]
Because they can count. Can you count? September.
Here�s the first copy of Roxie's statement from D.A. office. Says she hadn't
copulated with you for four months prior the incident.
[Amos Hart]
She would know. Yeah, I guess we hadn�t done no copulating since... Wait a minute.
That doesn't figure out right. I couldn't be the father.
[Billy Flynn]
Well, forget about that. My client needs your support.
[Amos Hart]
You mean she needs a meal ticket? That's all l've ever been. A meal ticket.
This time she's gone too far.
[Billy Flynn]
What you gonna do? Divorce her?
[Amos Hart]
You're damn right! I'll divorce her! She probably won't even notice.
[Billy Flynn]
(Phone rings) Yeah. I'm sorry.
[Amos Hart]
A human being's made of more than air
With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there
Unless that human bein' next to you
Is unimpressive, undistinguished
You
Know
who...
[Billy Flynn]
You're still in here?
[Amos Hart]
Yeah, l'm still in here, I think.
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there...
I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there
Never even know I'm there.
[Amos Hart]
I hope I didn't take up too much of your time.
[Billy Flynn]
I've been waiting for you 10 minutes. Don't do that again.
[Roxie Hart]
This dress makes me look like a woolworths lampshade. l'm not wearing this.
[Billy Flynn]
You wear it because I tell you to wear it.
[Roxie Hart]
I'm not wearing this dress.
[Billy Flynn]
And when Andy's on the stand, I want you to be knitting.
[Roxie Hart]
Knitting? For Christ's sake.
[Billy Flynn]
A baby garment.
[Roxie Hart]
I don't know how to knit!
[Billy Flynn]
Then learn.
[Roxie Hart]
That's no way to win the jury's sympathy.
[Billy Flynn]
Oh, so you don't need advice anymore?
[Roxie Hart]
Look here, Mr. Mouthpiece. It seems to me that I'm the one who's coming up
with the good ideas. I'm sick of everybody telling me what to do. And you treat
me like dirt. You treat me like some dumb, common criminal.
[Billy Flynn]
But you're some dumb, common criminal.
[Roxie Hart]
Well, it's better than be a greasy-mite lawyer.
[Billy Flynn]
Who is up to be saving your ass.
[Roxie Hart]
Who is out for all that he can steal!
[Billy Flynn]
Ok, so maybe you'd like to appear in court without me, then.
[Roxie Hart]
Maybe I could. Have you read the morning papers? They love me.
[Billy Flynn]
Yeah? They�s love you a lot more if you were hanged. You know why?
'Cause it'd sell more papers.
[Roxie Hart]
You're fired.
[Billy Flynn]
I quit.
[Roxie Hart]
Any lawyer in this town would die to have my case.
[Billy Flynn]
You're a phony celebrity. You're a flash of the past. ln a couple of weeks, no one�s gonna
give a shit about you. That's Chicago.
[Hunyak screams off-camera]
No! Not guilty!
[Roxie Hart]
What happened?
[Velma Kelly]
lt's Hunyak. She lost her last appeal.
[Roxie Hart]
So what does that mean?
[Velma Kelly]
What that means? Next week, she's gonna...
[Mary Sunshine]
This is Mary Sunshine, coming to you from the Cooke County Jail, where history
will be made today. Katelin Helinsky would become the first woman in the state
of lllinois to be executed. And so ladies and gentlemen...
[Announcer]
And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your pleasure and your entertainment, we
proudly present Katelin Helinsky and her famous Hungarian Disappearing Act.
[Crowd]
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!
[Roxie Hart]
You know, it's really not that bad.
[Billy Flynn]
You're clear with everything we said?
[Roxie Hart]
Yup. I've been up all night rehearsing.
[Billy Flynn]
What do you do when Harrison comes after you?
[Roxie Hart]
I sit still and look straight ahead. Never look the jury.
[Billy Flynn]
And?
[Roxie Hart]
And l look modest.
[Billy Flynn]
And?
[Roxie Hart]
And...
[Billy Flynn]
And say nothing.
[Roxie Hart]
That's right, that's right.
[Billy Flynn]
That was the deal, right?
[Roxie Hart]
Right.
[Billy Flynn]
You ask me back, I do all the talking this time.
[Roxie Hart]
Absolutely, Billy. Whatever you say.
[Court clerk]
Mr. Flynn, his honor is here.
[Billy Flynn]
Thank you.
(to Roxie) You ready?
[Roxie Hart]
Yeah.
Billy...I'm scared.
[Billy Flynn]
Don't be. I've been around a long time. Believe me, you've got nothing to worry
about. It's all a circus. A three-ring circus. The trial, the whole world...
is all a show business. Kid, you gonna be a star.
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
Give 'em the old hocus pocus
Bead and feather 'em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?
What if your hinges all are rusting?
What if, in fact, you're just disgusting ?
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll never catch wise!
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous
Row after row will grow vociferous
Give 'em the old flim flam flummox
Fool and fracture 'em
How can they hear the truth above the roar?
[Chorus]
Roar, roar, roar.
[Billy Flynn]
Throw 'em a fake and a finagle
They'll never know you're just a bagel,
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll beg you for more!
[Billy Flynn]
I object!
[The Judge]
Sustained.
[Martin Harrison]
Your honor, l haven't even
asked the question yet.
[Billy Flynn]
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Back since the days of old Methuselah
Everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler
Give 'em the old three ring circus
Stun and stagger 'em
When you're in trouble, go into your dance
Though you are stiffer than a girder
They let ya get away
[Chorus]
With murder
[Billy Flynn]
Razzle dazzle 'em
And you've got a romance
[Billy Flynn]
Hello, Amos.
[Amos Hart]
Amos? That's right, Mr. Flynn, Amos.
[Billy Flynn]
Amos, when did you file suit for divorce?
[Amos Hart]
A month ago.
[Billy Flynn]
Was there any reason for filing at this particular time?
[Amos Hart]
I'd say, the newspapers said Roxie was expecting a little stranger.
[Billy Flynn]
That's hardly a cause for divorce, isn't it?
[Amos Hart]
A little too much of a stranger.
[Billy Flynn]
Oh, and by that you mean you doubted the fraternity of the child.
[Amos Hart]
Most sure.
[Billy Flynn]
Tell me something, Amos. Did you share bed with your wife?
[Amos Hart]
Yes, sir, every night.
[Billy Flynn]
You expect the jury to believe that you slept next to this woman every night
without exercising the rights of a husband?
[Amos Hart]
I could if I want to.
[Billy Flynn]
Oh, but you didn't.
[Amos Hart]
No, l did.
[Billy Flynn]
Did what?
[Amos Hart]
Want to.
[Billy Flynn]
But you didn't.
[Amos Hart]
Didn't what?
[Billy Flynn]
What you wanted.
[Amos Hart]
Wait a minute, I'm getting confused here.
[Billy Flynn]
Hey, you tell me, Mr. Hart. Did you ever question Roxie herself? Did you even
bother to ask her if you were the father of the child?
[Amos Hart]
No, sir.
[Billy Flynn]
No. But, if you confirm that you were wrong, you'd be man enough to admit it.
You would take her back if Roxie swore that you're the father of the child,
which she does.
[Amos Hart]
She does?
[Billy Flynn]
(Roxie nods)
She does! No more question! You can step down now. Well done, Andy.
[Amos Hart]
Roxie, I'm so sorry.
[Billy Flynn]
Give 'em the old
Razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Show 'em the first rate sorcerer you are
Long as you keep 'em way off balance
How can they spot you got no talents?
Razzle dazzle 'em
Razzle dazzle 'em
Razzle dazzle 'em
[Mary Sunshine]
This is the moment we've been waiting for. Roxie Hart finally takes the stand
in her own defense.
[Billy Flynn]
And they'll make you a star!
[The Judge]
Order! Order!
Proceed, Mr. Flynn.
[Billy Flynn]
Roxie, I have here a statement that you admitted having illicit relations
with deceased Fred Casely. Is this statement true or false?
[Roxie Hart]
I'm afraid that's true.
[Billy Flynn]
You're an honestly girl, Roxie. When did you first meet Fred Casely?
[Roxie Hart]
When he sold Amos and me our furniture.
[Billy Flynn]
Any personal relationship with him? Could you tell the jury when that began?
[Roxie Hart]
When I permitted him to escort me home one night, I don't think I would've gone
with him if Mr. Hart and me hadn't quarreled that very morning.
[Billy Flynn]
Quarreled?
[Roxie Hart]
Yes, sir.
[Billy Flynn]
Well, then, I supposed it's his fault.
[Roxie Hart]
Oh, no, sir. It was my fault. I suppose I just couldn't stop pestering him.
[Billy Flynn]
Pestering him? By what?
[Roxie Hart]
I didn't like him working those long hours at the garage. I wanted him home
with me... to done his socks and iron his shirts. I wanted a real home, and a child.
[Billy Flynn]
So you drifted into this illicit relationship because you were unhappy at home.
[Roxie Hart]
Yes, most unhappy.
[Billy Flynn]
Roxie Hart! The state has accused you the murder of Fred Casely. Are you guilty
or not guilty?
[Roxie Hart]
I'm not guilty, I�m not guity... I killed him, I did. But I'm not a criminal. l'm not a
criminal...
[Billy Flynn]
Roxie... Do you recall the night of June 14th?
[Roxie Hart]
Uh hu.
[Billy Flynn]
Could you tell the jury in your own words the happenings of that night.
[Roxie Hart]
When Fred came over, I told him the good news.
[Billy Flynn]
What was it?
[Roxie Hart]
That me and Amos were gonna have a baby. And that it was all over between us.
[Billy Flynn]
What happened then?
[Roxie Hart]
Then...um...then...
[Billy Flynn]
Did he threaten you, Roxie?
[Martin Harrison]
Objection, your honor. Counsel is leading the witness.
[The Judge]
Sustained.
[Billy Flynn]
What did Casely say when you told him the news?
[Roxie Hart]
I'll kill you before I see you have another man's child!
[Billy Flynn]
Could you tell the audience... the jury, what happened next?
[Roxie Hart]
In his passion, he tore off my robe and he threw me on the bed. And Mr. Hart's
pistol was lying there between us.
[Billy Flynn]
And then!
[Roxie Hart]
And then we both reached for the gun but I got it first. And then he came
towards me with this awful look in his eyes. He was angry and wild!
[Billy Flynn]
Wild! And did you think that he might kill you?
[Roxie Hart]
Oh, yes, sir! Yes, sir!
[Billy Flynn]
So was his life or yours?
[Roxie Hart]
And not just mine! So I closed my eyes and I shot!
[Billy Flynn]
In defense of your life!
[Roxie Hart]
And to save my husband's innocent unborn child. (pass out)
[The Judge]
Order!
[Roxie Hart]
What a bull's eye, huh?
[The Judge]
Order in this court!
[Amos Hart]
Roxie!
[Mary Sunshine]
Here in the courtroom... Mrs. Hart's behavior (camera changes to prison)
has been truly extraordinary. Opening her eyes, she fans herself with her
attorney's handkerchief.
[Velma Kelly]
Handkerchief?
[Mary Sunshine]
The poor child has no relief. She looks around now, seeming to want something.
It's a glass of water.
[Velma Kelly]
Oh, Mama, that was my bit! I told Billy, I wanna do that at my trial!
[Mama Morton]
Shhh!
[Mary Sunshine]
But now her eyes flatter wildly and she... Mrs. Hart has fainted again.
She flumps over her chiffon dress up around her knees, revealing a glimpse of
blue garder with Ryan-stone buckle.
[Velma Kelly]
Oh, Mama, she stole my garder. She stole my garder!
[Mama Morton]
Don't break my radio!
[Velma Kelly]
First she steals my publicity, then she steals my lawyer, my trial date,
now she stole my goddamn garder.
[Mama Morton]
What do you expect? I mean these days you get a little success and it's good
riddance to the people who put you there.
[Velma Kelly]
There ain't no justice in the world. There�s nothing you can do about it.
[Mama Morton]
Nirts to that!
[Velma Kelly]
What ever happened to fair dealing
and pure ethics
and nice manners?
Why is it everyone now
is a pain in the ass?
What ever happened to
class?
[Mama Morton]
Class.
What ever happened to �Please, may I?�
and �Yes, thank you,�
and �How charming� ?
Now every son of a bitch
is a snake in the grass.
What ever happened to class?
[Velma Kelly]
Class.
[Velma Kelly and Mama Morton]
Oh, there ain�t no gentlemen to open up
the doors
There ain�t no ladies now
there's only pigs
and whores
And even kids�ll knock you down
so�s they can pass
Nobody�s got no class.
[Velma Kelly]
What ever happened to old values?
[Mama Morton]
And fine morals?
[Velma Kelly]
And good breeding?
[Mama Morton]
Now no one even says �oops!�
when they�re passin� their gas.
[Velma Kelly and Mama Morton]
What ever happened to class?
Class
Oh, there ain�t no gentleman
that�s fit for any use
And any girl�ll touch your privates for a deuce.
[Mama Morton]
And even kids�ll kick your shins and give you sass.
[Velma Kelly]
And even kids�ll kick your shins and give you sass.
[Velma Kelly and Mama Morton]
Nobody�s got no class.
[Velma Kelly]
All you read about today is rape.
[Mama Morton]
And theft.
Jesus Christ! Ain�t there no decency left?
[Velma Kelly and Mama Morton]
Nobody�s got no class.
[Mama Morton]
Every guy is a snot.
[Velma Kelly]
Every girl is a twit.
[Mama Morton]
Holy shit!
[Velma Kelly]
Holy shit!
[Mama Morton]
What a shame.
[Velma Kelly]
What a shame.
[Velma Kelly and Mama Morton]
What became of class?
[Mama Morton]
You think I got you up here just to listen to my radio? People write some pretty
interesting things when they think no one's looking.
(shows Roxie's diary)
[Velma Kelly]
Oh, Mama.